Breaking: Hero Dog Conan, key assistant in tracking down and eliminating Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, reported in to a White House psychiatrist late this afternoon. Conan has been honored by the president for outstanding bravery in the field of running d...
The Horace S. Ball Foundation has awarded its prized annual trophy to CNN. This distinguished trophy honors Horace Shinola Ball, of the previous century. In making its selection, The Foundation directed its attention to the following. A re...
Covington, Kentucky - During opening arguments of the libel case brought by lawyers on behalf of a Covington High School teen against CNN and other news outlets, it was revealed that the individual in the viral video that was the subject of many news...
NEW YORK - CNN is rebranding itself to reverse its ratings decline. In 2018, the "news network" experienced a 41% loss on its Primetime Viewership numbers. The label "Fake News" has stuck to CNN after President Trump repeatedly criticized their "jour...
Former Stormy Daniels attorney, Michael Avenatti, concluded his once-meteoric rise to cable news superstardom today with a rather abrupt and uneventful collision with a pair of handcuffs. The former darling of CNN and MSNBC was arrested on charges o...
The Vatican -- Today the Lamb of God, held in various sacred halls by the catholic church for over a millennium and long-presumed to be in a vegetative state, surprised priests and bishops alike when it suddenly came to its feet, took a long look ar...
In a bombshell report first issued just days after the 2016 election and re-emerging today, it looks like Donald J. Trump's presidency is coming to an end. "I've been saying it for two years straight," said several news pundits who have been predi...
Today President Trump has emerged several times from a private office at the White House to attend a water cooler nearby. He then returns to this office, and sounds through the door indicate energetic discussion plus (possibly) furniture thrown.
BILLINGSGATE POST: A newly-released video showing forensic psychiatrist and taxidermist, Dr. Hannibal Lecter, carrying a lampshade out of the Saudi Embassy in Istanbul was released this morning as part of the probe into the disappearance of journa...
WASHINGTON D.C. - In the capital today, Donald Trump has been poking Senator Elizabeth Warren with a stick. "Misogyny gets votes!" Trump screams. "And women are silly because they were too stupid to be born with penises!" Warren took a deep bre...
HOLLYWOOD, CA - Comedians across America have declared a strike. They demand that the news stations resume their duties instead of abdicating their responsibilities to them. Jon Oliver angrily explained, "My job is to make people laugh. If I decide to do something that my audience does not enjoy, they demand a refund. And yet, stations have decided to let idiots lie through their teeth and foam...
I Am Anonymous. The most influential person on the planet! Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. I am ubiquitous and omnipresent. I am all-seeing, all-knowing, pre-eminent. There is no topic that I don't know something about, or not willing to be quoted on. I can start wars, topple governments, and bring down presidents. My w...
Apparently, life on the book tour circuit can be a little lonely. Following an appearance on the CNN news show The Lead with Jake Tapper, former FBI director James Comey had had enough of the panel's snarky criticisms and stormed the set. "Ther...
According to CNN, "auto accidents kill too many, we need to ban cars and guns..." After another tragic shooting in our nation, CNN and others are pushing to ban all guns. A talk on gun control between two high school students after the fact was ca...
In more breaking news Trumps.com™ little hands could be facing a senate inquiry after his biographer revealed Trumps hands do all the thinking. Scientists recently revealed the link between excessive teenage masturbation and tiny hands and...
BILLINGSGATE POST: Just days after Snopes, the definitive internet service that decides which stories are fact or fiction, verified that Adolf Hitler was alive and living with his long time mistress, Eva Braun, in Argentina, the service verified tha...
Today, press secretary Sean "Melissa" Spicer, (best known for his irrational and paralyzing fear of young girls from the ages of 2-7, a serious medical condition known as acute pediaphobia), controversially claimed: "Liberal scientists, funded by...
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