Former Stormy Daniels attorney, Michael Avenatti, concluded his once-meteoric rise to cable news superstardom today with a rather abrupt and uneventful collision with a pair of handcuffs. The former darling of CNN and MSNBC was arrested on charges of extortion, and bank and wire fraud.
Avenatti’s star, which had once shone so brightly in the cable news night sky, began its descent to earth when domestic abuse charges were leveled at him, and went into freefall when his famous client, Stormy Daniels, dropped him as her attorney. It was at this time that scientists began tracking the burned-out remains of his celebrity meteor as a near earth object with the potential to impact our planet at any moment. That moment arrived today with his arrest in New York.
Cable news networks and internet media outlets have been quick to distance themselves from the now disgraced attorney who they once floated as a potential 2020 presidential candidate. Working with highly sensitive measuring devices, scientists detected evidence that the internet shrunk by .02367 percent today as media outlets scrubbed potentially embarrassing stories and videos lauding Avenatti from their websites and social media.
At the White House this afternoon, President Trump, who was already walking on air after the Mueller report seemed to exonerate him of any wrongdoing, was spotted sashaying around the White House Rose Garden, singing to the birds and occasionally pausing to smell the flowers. The normally dour Trump even cracked a smile as a robin nested and laid her spring eggs in his intricately woven mesh of golden hair, which held its shape exquisitely. Trump was quoted as saying, “I didn’t even have to use my hair spray, I got to say it was a good day.”