Harry Maguire To Save Bolton And Bury
The futures of the two football clubs under threat of expulsion from the Football League due to financial reasons, Bury F.C. and Bolton Wanderers, are secure tonight, after Manchester United's record £80million defender Harry Maguire stepped in to gu...
Read full storyTrump Admits to Being a Racist but Not Nearly as Much So as Those NASCAR Drivers
Pushing back against allegations that he is a racist, United States president, Donald Trump, stated that while he may have some racist tendencies when it comes to driving, he doesn't even come close to "those NASCAR drivers." "Granted, l like a li...
Read full storyKing Boris Dismisses Parliament
New UK PM, Boris Johnson, has asked Parliament to dissolve, calling it "undemocratic and inconvenient". Instead he will rule as a new monarch, having also dissolved Queen Elizabeth II in a vat of acid. From now on, the PM will be known as King Bo...
Read full storyWoman Unsuccessfully Tries to Become Less Annoying
After overhearing one of her coworkers call her annoying, Tara Schmidt of Nashville, Tennessee, made a diligent effort to directly address the situation and mitigate her reputation, but met with little success. "It was disappointing," said Tara of...
Read full storyA lot of people making cakes
The latest televisual trend is to fill a large tent with a lot of people, and watch some of them make some cakes. The Great British Bake Off has seen an increase in both the number of cakes being made, and large tents being sold, which is great fo...
Read full storyPeople Who Would Beat Trump if the 2020 Election Were Held Today
Ever since President Trump's dimwitted appearance at the G7 Conference, his popularity has been dwindling in the United States, and has hit rock bottom in the rest of the world. In the absence of a Republican candidate to challenge Trump, polls in...
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