2020 Prediction: Decaying Pile of Flesh Loses Popular Vote by 30 Million, Wins Reelection by Electoral College
Washington - A university think tank composed of pollsters, mental health experts and social scientists has predicted that by the election in 2020 Donald Trump will have degenerated into a protoplasmic blob, due to overconsumption of fast food as wel...
Read full storyDavid Koch Dies, Leaving Behind Dozens of Loyal Employees in Congress and White House
Palm Beach, Florida - Billionaire David Koch died last Friday, but on Monday morning millions of Americans discovered that the corrupt, inept Oligarchy that he purchased and owned was still in charge of the Congress and White House. He also failed...
Read full storyLonely Skeptic Convinced He's the Only True Non-Believer
Leonard Jessup of Eureka Springs, Arkansas, an outspoken non-believer in God, organized religion, astrology, and lots of other things, admitted to feeling painfully lonely in his skepticism. "I sometimes meet people who call themselves atheists,"...
Read full storyWoman Tried To Teach An Old Dog A New Trick
A woman in New York who habitually refuses to conform to accepted ways of doing things, bucked another trend this morning whilst out for a walk with Sammy, her old pet labrador. Janice Stevens, 41, was exercising Sammy, 15, with a gentle stroll th...
Read full storyEmotionally Unbalanced Resident Successful At Finding Beer While Pushing Away Potential Lovers
Dane County, Wisconsin. Sources confirmed that 38-year-old Roger Thomson denied several potential sources of 'True Love' as he successfully targeted the 18-pack of Leinenkugel's Beer that he desperately needed last Friday. After opening the door...
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