President Putin States That He Is Planning On Sending A Russian Aircraft Carrier To Cuba
MOSCOW - Russia's Vodkavich News Agency is reporting that President Putin has decided to send one of Russia's mightiest aircraft carriers to Cuba. The Russian leader told Vodkavich that the RS Mikhail Baryshnikov will be setting sail within the ne...
Read full storyVulnerable astrology sufferer with phobia of Phobos found RIP face down with candy stuck down throat
Joshua Tree, California - A naked self-styled astrology freak with an irrational fear of the Martian moon Phobos was found dead at home this morning, an imported chocolate Mars candy bar obstructing the air passage in his throat. He was 69. Or...
Read full storyPresident Obama Finally Admits He's a Reptilian
The president of the United States has a tough job. Not only do they have to run the US executive branch, but often the president has to make hard decisions on the world stage as well. With the trouble in Ukraine, and Russia posturing itself as po...
Read full storyStan Lee sets the record straight regarding The X-Men
SPARKS, NV -- In a recent exclusive interview with Transformation magazine, Stan Lee, the creator of most of the most successful comic books and superheroes of the period, set the record straight concerning The X-Men and their origins. "They're tr...
Read full storyKim Jong Un Says Cuban President Raul Castro Has Agreed To Let Him Set Up A Missile Base On Cuba
PYONGYANG, North Korea - President Kim Jong Un of North Korea was to have met with President Raul Castro of Cuba on April 1, 2014. But according to North Korea's Rice Paddy National News Agency the meeting date was moved up one month to March 1, 2...
Read full storyMaria Sharapova Says That President Putin Gave Her His Personal Cell Phone Number
NEW YORK CITY - Tennis great Maria Sharapova recently told Hercules Confetti with Sporting Chance Magazine that she really enjoyed traveling to Sochi, Russia and watching the XXII Olympic games. She said that one day while sitting in the stands sh...
Read full storyUkrainians warned about another bloody Charge of the Light Brigade as Crimean War escalates
Sevastopol - Ukrainian armed farces under the command of Lord Cardiganovych were urged to read Alfred, Lord Tennyson's epic poem Charge of the Light Brigade and take to heart such lines as 'Into the Valley of Death rode the six hundred'. The poet...
Read full storyA Colorado Senator Has Just Become The Proud Owner of A Pot Shop
DENVER - One of the most popular state senators in Colorado, Senator Jimbo Quickdance [D-Denver] has just announced that he is now the proud owner of a marijuana shop. The senator has just purchased The Weedeaters Weed Shop from its owner had to m...
Read full storyCar Dealer In Cucamonga Is Offering An AK-47 With Every Purchase of a Brand-New 2014 Model
CUCAMONGA, California - The Santa Ana Winds KIA Auto Dealership in Cucamonga has just announced its March Madness Promotion. Wallace Benchbark, 52, general manager of the dealership told the news media that for the next 30 days his dealership will...
Read full storyNew DSM-IV Mental Disorder Category For Tea Party
DSM-IV Codes are the classification found in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 4th Edition, Text Revision, also known as DSM-IV-TR, a manual published by the American Psychiatric Association (APA) that includes all currently...
Read full storyThe man who didn't murder Victoria Guerin is gunned down in Irish drive-by shooting
Dublin, Eire - Two masked men on pedal cycles carrying laser-guided BB guns were seen speeding away from the scene of the crime in the Clondalkin area of town tonight after a volley of shots was fired at John Gilligan, 69. The convicted narcotics...
Read full storyRush Limbaugh Insists That Ann Coulter Is Not Pregnant With His Child
NEW YORK CITY - GOP radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh took the silly looking 12-inch cigar out of his mouth and spoke with Mistletoe Bulova of The Drive Thru Window News Agency. He told Miss Bulova that he has no idea in hell where the rumor that...
Read full storyNASA Addresses The Rumor That It Has A Fortune Teller On Their Payroll
HOUSTON - NASA is having to explain to the American public exactly why it is that they felt they needed to have a fortune teller on their payroll. The story broke after American Spotlight Magazine did an investigatory piece on the fuel used to pow...
Read full storyA Colorado Springs Diner Sells More Marijuana Brownies Than Any Other Eating Establishment In The State of Colorado
COLORADO SPRINGS - Colorado Governor John Hickenlooper has just informed the owners of Bubba's Pikes Peak Diner in Colorado Springs that they have just set a state record. The governor met with Beaumont "Bubba" Rindello, owner of the diner and inf...
Read full storyPresident Obummer warns President Putin of "severe consequences" over Ukraine invasion
WHITEWASHINGTON, DC -- President Barack Obummer is finding that his pen and his 'phone do not have the effect that he desires in matters of foreign diplomacy. In writing, Obummer has warned Russian president Vladimir Putin, known to his former KGB...
Read full storyJack Nicholson Tells Kobe Bryant He'll Pay For Him To Visit A Louisiana Voodoo Woman
LOS ANGELES - There isn't much joy in LakerLand these days as the boys in the purple and gold are currently sitting in last place in the NBA's Western Conference Pacific Division. The Lakers own a dismal 20-39 record but insist that if Kobe Bryant...
Read full storyRussian Winter Sports in Sochi cancelled as Putin invades Crimea
Sochi, Black Sea - You can kiss your sorry ass goodbye, winter sports athletes from 100 countries were told this weekend, as ethnic civil unrest in nearby Crimea saw the return of the Russian troops in a pisskeeping exercise masterminded by the Kremi...
Read full storyRussia To Withdraw Troops From Crimea
Russia has quietly started the withdrawal of troops from Crimea, known also as the Florida of the Ukraine. Hearing that the possible threat of war and Armageddon between the US and Russia was now averted, Senator John McCain and Senator Lindsey Graha...
Read full storyMassive c**t news as 65ft-wide crack found in Washington
Washington - Dam, dam, dam, A massive cu*t has been outed in Washington straddling bipartisan lines about, uh, presidential assassination cover-up stuff. "Uh, it's serious," a Wanapum Dam C**nty Pubic Utility official said, "but we're managing to...
Read full storyPresident Obama Tells Russia's President Putin To Recall The Warship From Cuba Immediately
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The White House has been burning the late night oil for the past few days. Press Secretary Cal Colfax has said that President Obama is not at all happy with the fact that an armed Russian warship the RS Siberia is anchored in th...
Read full storyDenver's John & Bob Denver International Airport Has Just Added A Happy Weed Waiting Room
DENVER - The airport at Denver has just added what is being hailed as the most unique airport passengers waiting room in the entire nation. Washburn Bookbottom, who is the director of The John & Bob Denver International Airport announced to th...
Read full storyThe End of Physical Borders; The Beginning of Virtual Ones
London - (STT News) The UK's 'Maley Dale' today published verification that the effort to swap physical and digital concepts for national borders is just about back on track. According to Dale, there are only a few remaining obstacles to tearing d...
Read full storyReporting On Arrest of "El Chapo" Es Estupido
Andy Warhorse, President of the American Psychology Board, today praised American Journalists for helping to reduce tension among readership in U.S. newspapers. "The almost complete omission of historical background or context to the reporting of...
Read full storyArsenal to make sensational 50-million-pound bid for David Lucas
Arsene Wenger is said to be keen to dip into his summer transfer war chest to bring experience to the goalkeeping department, after admitting in a recent press conference that his current 1st choice keeper is too inexperienced for the premier league.
Read full storyBill O'Reilly Hints He May Run For President - And You Won't Believe Who His Choice For Running Mate Is
NEW YORK CITY - Bill O'Reilly, talk show host at FOX News, has just informed fellow FOX newser Greta Van Sustern that he could possibly decide to run for the office of president. O'Reilly, who is a staunch Republican, told GOPicky Magazine that he...
Read full storyBook Review - Go Down, Moses, by William Faulkner
I was SHOCKED by the title of this book, and for years I avoided it because I thought it was some sort of crude reference to a 13th Commandment given to Moses by God - which involved Moses performing a pleasurable sex act on Mrs Moses. So I didn't read it. I have since read it and am happy to report it does NOT have anything to do with Mrs Moses, Moses or an order from God instructing him...
Read full storyBook Review - Medea by Euripides
I loved this book! My favorite parts were when a Wall Street investment banker who has been set up as the linchpin of his company's mob-backed Ponzi scheme is relocated with his family to Aunt Madea's southern home, it was hilarious, I also liked the way that she gets into a lot of trouble, and some of her lines are just excellent! When she says "I'll shove that phone so far down your throat yo...
Read full storyBook Review - The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson
As a little side note to this book (which we all know is about two brothers, one a Doctor who is stalked by his Wolfman brother and the other a Wolfman who stalks his brother, who is a Doctor). Anyway, MY Doctor is called Dr Hyde! So one day I called up up his receptionist and made an appointment using the name MR Jekyll. It was hilarious....well, I guess you had to be there to see it, but...
Read full storyEmma Watson to star as Ariel in remake of "The Little Mermaid"
HOLLYWEIRD, CA -- Wearing a red wig and a prosthetic fish "tail," complete with scales, Emma Watson will appear topless as the mermaid Ariel in Walt Disney's The Little Mermaid. Titter accounts have "gone viral" in tittering about their idol's lat...
Read full storyBook Review - The Island of Dr. Moreau by HG Wells
I read this book in 1986, while travelling on a train between Birmingham and Plymouth in England. I recall that the carriage was dirty and a somewhat scruffy and unkempt man with a beard (which had bits of food in it) was sat opposite me. The journey took several hours and the toilets were blocked. I vowed never again to travel on a British train. I enjoyed the book, which I read in full du...
Read full storyBook Review - One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel García Márquez
A very funny story regarding this book. I purchased it to read some years ago, to accompany and entertain me as I crossed the Atlantic aboard an old schooner, where I had sought passage as a paying deckhand. However, a few days before my intended voyage I was struck down by a mystery illness after my return from a short break to Bangkok, where I met a lovely young lady named Peter. Well, to...
Read full storyHollyweird's Hottest: Miley Cyrus
Has-been child actress Destiny Hope Cyrus, born November 23, is a "recording artist." The daughter of country singer Billy Ray Cyrus, she changed her name to Miley when, after a role in the television series Big Fish Lips in 2006, she received a casting couch call which landed her the part of teen idol Miley Stewart on the Disney Channel television series Hannah's Mons Veneris. Due to her youth, t...
Read full storyKirstie Alley Joins International Federation of Competitive Eating
Hollywood, CA In news that will take no one by surprise, cultie Kirstie Alley has announced that she is no longer going to try to fake not being fat. In embracing her fatness, Ms. Alley is joining the International Federation of Competitive Eating i...
Read full storyViktor Yanukovych Says He is Still President of Ukraine, Just On Vacation
Nowhere near Kiev, Ukraine Viktor Yanukovych claims that he is still the President of the Ukraine, despite reports that he has been deposed and has fled to Russia. "I am merely using up some of the vacation days I have accrued. I found that I don...
Read full storyAmerican Families Divided And At War - Will It Be The Oscars or The Walking Dead?
Families and couples across America are reportedly arguing, bickering and fighting amongst themselves, with reports of divorce proceedings, runaway kids and couples splitting up and going their separate ways, coming from all corners United States.
Read full storyWoody Allen Pays for Plastic Surgery to Make Soon-Yi Look Like a Seven-Year-Old
New York, NY Woody Allen's publicist has just announced that Allen's wife, the former Soon-Yi Previn, will undergo massive plastic surgery to make her look like she is seven years old again. "Soon-Yi lived on the streets of Vietnam for many of her...
Read full storyRoman Abramovich is exiled Hollywood director Roman Polanski's son
Aspen, Colorado - Workmen refurbishing Russian mobster Roman Abramovich's Dun-Frackin ski lodge in Wildcat Ridge, Aspen, have recovered hundreds of intact historical documents in a dumpster containing a ton of his shredded personal papers. Among t...
Read full storyGiant Spider Found Living In Sochi Stadium
Just a day after the Sochi winter Olympics had finished and already the purpose-built stadium has found itself a new tenant. A thirty-foot tarantula has snuck into the arena and made itself at home. The gigantic spider was found by the building's j...
Read full story10 Year Old boy releases his 23-man England squad for World Cup
Sammy Caruthers of Guildford announced yesterday his own provisional 23 man England football squad for the World Cup 2014 in Brazil this June. Sammy, who goes to school at St Margarets Church of England primary, said that changes could be made l...
Read full storyUS Drone Already Planning World Domination
They patrol the skies and fight the war on terror, however a Washington source believed to be from inside the Pentagon has said that at least one US drone has already been showing signs of disobedience towards its masters. The drone in question,...
Read full storyDenver Announces Its 1st Annual Marijuana Smoking Contest
DENVER - The director of The Colorado State Cannabis Coalition, Lucy "Sinsemilla" Coxcoogan has just informed the press about the state's 1st Annual Marijuana Smoking Contest. Miss Coxcoogan said that the one-of-a-kind event will be held in Denver...
Read full storyIndia Desperate For Money Agrees To Sell 17,000 Sacred Cows To Japan
NEW DELHI, India - The country of India, like most of the world's countries, has been going through a tough time economically. The Taj Mahal National News Agency has just announced some shocking news coming out of the nation's capital of New Delhi...
Read full storyCuba Has Just Sold 1.2 Million Cigars To Russia
HAVANA, Cuba - President Raul Castro is thrilled to announce that he and President Putin have worked out a deal for Russia to buy Cuba's exquisite cigars. President Vladimir Putin is very excited at purchasing 1.2 million of Cuba's finest cigars t...
Read full storyThe San Francisco 49ers Tried To Trade Coach Jim Harbaugh To The Cleveland Browns
SAN FRANCISCO - Word coming out of 49ersLand is that the team's General Manager Trent Baalke was hoping to trade Coach Jim Harbaugh to the Cleveand Browns. He pointed out that he just got tired of having to argue with Jimmy about every little thin...
Read full storySnowdon Leaks Finally Expose UFOs
Colorado Springs, CO (STT News) - The US Air Force Base just outside of Fort Carson today issued a response to the Edward Snowdon Leaks pertaining to UFOs. In the released documents, Snowdon indicates that the USAF has long known of UFOs and that the...
Read full storyThe Vice President Comes Out Against Disease Research
In a recent interview with MSNBC, Vice President Joe Biden made the startling proclamation that all disease research should be stopped, other than those related to curing sexually transmitted diseases. Biden claims that research targeting the cure...
Read full storyJada Pinkett Smith "pleased" with weight gain
HOLLYWEIRD, CA -- Jada Pinkett Smith, best known for being the wife of the actor Will Smith, who is best known for being the father of aspiring actor Jaden, is "pleased" with the ten pounds she has added to her emaciated frame. "I'm naturally thin...
Read full storyJennifer Lopez' Boyfriend Is Jealous of Harry Connick, Jr.
HOLLYWOOD - Word coming out of the halls of American Idol is that J.Lo's boy toy Casper Smart is extremely jealous of the close friendship that Jennifer has developed with fellow judge Harry Connick, Jr. Smart has told J.Lo that he does not apprec...
Read full storyWeird Al Yankovic Is NOT The Former President of Ukraine - Begs People To Leave Him Alone
American singer-songwriter, musician, parodist, record producer, satirist, music video director, film producer, actor, and author 'Weird Al' Yankovic is begging the public to stop sending him emails, tweets and facebook messages calling him a bully,...
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