Russia To Withdraw Troops From Crimea

Written by K.C. Bell

Saturday, 1 March 2014

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"I do give a damn."

Russia has quietly started the withdrawal of troops from Crimea, known also as the Florida of the Ukraine. Hearing that the possible threat of war and Armageddon between the US and Russia was now averted, Senator John McCain and Senator Lindsey Graham got into a tea cup throwing battle, while newscasters sat back and took a deep sigh of relief.

No one is exactly aware of what motivated Vladimir Putin to pull out in the brink of a confrontation or as someone described it: A battle between a baguette and a knife - President Barack Obama being the baguette and Putin the knife -- but the Russians are packing up.

While pundits and diplomats and talking heads are debating the reasons for this sudden change in strategy on the part of Putin, some are acknowledging that perhaps baguettes do have some sort of secret special powers that managed to crush the Putin knife.

Hurray for Hollywood! Seems someone got the bright idea to offer Putin the role of Rhett Butler in the Gone With The Wind remake and the guy jumped. He could play Rhett Butler topless riding a white horse with his tits showing.

Hollywood was told that in Russia they are called: Pectorals.

Hollywood replied, "A tit, is a tit, is a tit. You want the role? Get out of Crimea."

And the getting was good.

Hearing of the Gone With The Wind film production, Sarah Palin offered to portray Scarlet O'Hara free of charge if she could have her own plane, Gucci wardrobe, baby sitters and supply of Dr. Pepper.

Putin adamantly said "Nyet." Suggesting she would do to his Gone With The Wind what she did to the McCain presidential campaign.

McCain stopped his tea cup tossing entanglement with Lindsey Graham long enough to say, "Now just hold on right there, tits. Those are fighting words and I'm no baguette."

Meanwhile the Russians are saying, "DasveewdAnja" to Crimea, Ted Cruz is filibustering for the role of Ashley Wilkes, and President Obama is spreading Brie on a baguette with sun-dried tomatoes, avocado, radicchio lettuce and a smile.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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