Missing Workers May Be Connected With Science DNA
Police in Las Vegas, Nevada are now searching for a "freak" identified by a prostitute after two other prostitutes have been missing for weeks. This lady is in pretty bad shape but has told police a great deal about her attacker. "It was a male...
Read full storyNew book claims pervy Russian ballet dancer Rudolf Nureyev 'was John F Kennedy Jr's birth father'
New York - A new celeb memoir published this week says Jackie Kennedy shagged AC/DC Russian prima ballerina Rudolf Nureyev, who also fathered her son JFK Jr. Revelations from the Cold Whore daze also finger Jackie for hiring the Dallas shooters w...
Read full storyPolice Mobilize to Prevent Justin Bieber from Launching More Deadly Egg Attacks
Calabasas, CA Police from all over the Southern California area responded to a five-alarm alert about a deadly egg attack perpetrated by pop star Justin Bieber on the house next door to him. Earlier egg attacks caused $20,000 damage. "We are too...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan: Robertson Family Bunch of Redneck Freaks
Lindsay Lohan told what reporters who still hang around her that she thought Duck Dynasty was the worst show she had ever seen. Those at the scene stated that she laughed and called them Hillbillies. "What is this a joke? Television ratings so...
Read full storyDuck Dynasty Robertson: No Women In Heaven!
Pastor Robertson told us that he knew that it ain't going to make him any popular but that the Good Book says what it means. After that encounter with the Gay people, he hated to start 'another boondoggle' but that's just how it is and he believe...
Read full storyQueen's ugly granddaughter still ugly despite yet more expensive plastic surgery
London, UK - Cross-eyed ten year old royal brat Lady Louise Von Battenburg-Hitler won't be seen in public for at least another three years after surgeons said there was nothing more they could do about her, uh, problem. Queen Elizardbirth's pug-ug...
Read full storyStudies Reveal Stabbing Yourself With a Bread Knife May Lead to Death
As shocking as it sounds, multiple studies have recently shown that stabbing yourself with a bread knife may actually increase the chances of severe injuries, and in some cases may even cause death, despite the widely-held belief that doing so actual...
Read full storyA Treehouse: How To Make One
Ever thought you'd like to live the outdoor life? Ever wondered what it would be like to live under the stars? Ever considered building a treehouse? Good, I hoped you say that! I've never built one, or even been in one, but how hard could it be? The first thing, I imagine, that you need to build a treehouse, is a tree. Without one, the idea just won't work. I was going to say "the proj...
Read full storyRussian Ballet Dancers Arrested By The KGB For Twerking
MOSCOW - Russia's national news agency, Vodkavich, has stated that the Russian government will not put up with the West's fad of twerking. The national news agency stated that two members of The Moscow Winter Ballet Troop were observed twerking ba...
Read full storyColorado Pot Shop Security Is A Booming Business
COLORADO SPRINGS - The fastest growing business in Colorado is marijuana shops. And the second fastest growing business in Colorado is the marijuana shop security business. State authorities report that the security business has increased by 2,000...
Read full storyJay Leno Could Be Getting A Brand New Talk Show On CNN
BURBANK - Tonight Show host Jay Leno has said that he recently met with CNN executives about the possibilty of him hosting a brand new late night talk show. Jay told Sangria Wine with TV ClickerWorld that he is very excited about the possibility.
Read full storyBillionaire Bill Gates Wants To Buy Burger King
MIAMI - Multi-billionaire Bill Gates visited the headquarters of Burger King and talked to the company's CEO about the possibility of him purchasing the global hamburger franchise chain. Gates mentioned that ever since he was 16½ he has dreamed ab...
Read full storyNew Mexico Is Complaining About All Of The Marijuana Smoke Floating Down From Colorado
SANTA FE, New Mexico - State officials in New Mexico have gone on record as saying that they are demanding that the state of Colorado do something about all of the marijuana smoke that is floating down from their state into New Mexico. Salvador Ci...
Read full storySpain Is Banning Transvestites
MADRID - The Spanish government has just announced that effective February 14, 2014, (Valentine's Day) it will be implementing its ban on transvestites. Spain's national news agency, Olé News has informed the public that the government figured tha...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Twerks A Hooter's Restaurant Hostess
VENICE BEACH, California - Miley Cyrus says she spends about two hours each night trying to figure out ways to top herself in the eyes of the public. She recently went into a Hooter's Restaurant located in Venice Beach and before she left she had...
Read full storyIraq To Change Baghdad's Name
BAGHDAD, Iraq - A spokesperson for the Iraqi government has said that Iraq will be changing the name of the capital within the next two months. Jafsul Kiflar told the world news media assembled in Baghdad that Baghdad's new name will be Sand City.
Read full story873 Pounds of Counterfeit Marijuana Found In A Denver Pot Shop
DENVER - Law enforcement officers have reported that they have confiscated 873 pounds of counterfeit marijuana that was being sold in a Denver marijuana shop. Officer Winthrop Tanninfaust, Jr., with the DPD said that the fake pot looked, smelled,...
Read full storyThree SWAT Teams Raid Justin Bieber's Mansion
CALABASAS, California - The quiet Calabasas morning was broken with the sound of three SWAT teams converging on Justin Bieber's $6.5 million mansion nestled in the Oaks section. The officers were acting on a tip that Bieber had made some deviled e...
Read full storyKFC Agrees To Drop The Confederate Flag From All Of Its Southern Restaurants
LOUISVILLE, Kentucky - The spokesperson for KFC, Ty Picklefeather, has informed the news media that the fried chicken fast food franchise has agreed to remove the Confederate flags found out in the parking lot of some of its Southern restaurants.
Read full storyMichelle Obama Is Very Unhappy With Her Husband's Flirtatious Ways
WASHINGTON, D.C. - While most of the country was buried under snow, the Obama's were vacationing in beautiful Hawaii. But a close inside source stated that actually the First Couple was going through one heck of a blizzard. It appears that the...
Read full storyColorado Reports That Marijuana Seeds Are Outselling Sunflower Seeds By 700 To 1
ASPEN, Colorado - Local authorities have commented that since January 1, 2014, the sale of marijuana seeds is outselling the sale of sunflower seeds by an astounding 700 to 1 ratio. Fisher "Sinsemilla" Vittypoof, 28, owner of The Giggling Weed See...
Read full storyBritney Spears Says She Thinks She's Entered Into Menopause
LAS VEGAS - Britney Spears recently stated that the past two years have put a lot of stress on her. She revealed to Carolina Chipotle with Bedroom Pillow Talk that she is starting to feel like the sound of wedding bells are fading fast in the West...
Read full storyPresident Putin Has Just Told President Obama That Edward Snowden's One Year Asylum Period Has Been Extended To 25 Years
MOSCOW - The president of Russia, Vladimir Putin, has just informed President Obama that he can forget about having NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden ever set foot on American soil again. President Putin pointed out that he is extending Snowden's o...
Read full storyWeapons That Make Drones Look Primitive Are Of Concern
"Killer robots" are fully autonomous weapons. These robots are weapons that would make drones look primitive. With the drone, there is a human being who looks at the computer screen, sees the target and pushes the buttons to fire the missiles and k...
Read full storyChris Christie denies that he had plans to blow up the George Washington Bridge
A GRUNGY ALLEY IN NEW JERSEY - Gov. Chris Christie has been denying rumors that he's formed a militia group intent on blowing up the George Washington Bridge, which connects New Jersey with New York City. "I've fired forty members of my militia gr...
Read full storyChinese Year of the Horse - New regulations cause shortage of horse Chop Suey
The Chinese Year of the Horse 2014 may turn out to be a problem year for Chinese restaurants everywhere. Normally special menu for four persons will be the New Year's animal meat dish e.g. mutton for sheep, beef for Ox etc. Admittedly dragon, mo...
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