Big Baby American Footballl Players Sue Sugar Daddy NFL For Brain Damage- WOOSIES!!!!!!!!
Former professional football players have just announced that they are seeking millions of dollars in damages due to injuries that have resulted from head concussions that have occurred from playing the game. The NFL stands to pay out 765 MILLION (!) for medical costs to ALL players claiming to still suffer from chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE). The lawyers say that this staggering sum is ju...
Read full storySyrian rebels admit to late library books
More controversy reared its unresearched head today as several of the Syrian rebels admit to a string of unpaid parking tickets and late library books. This shocking news added to all an already escalating situation involving Chemical weapons, Guns,...
Read full storyCandy Crush woman has Easter in September
The Easter bunnies are hopping already for a Northumberland woman, while for the rest of us, the Autumn leaves are only just starting to twirl their way to the ground. Edna Ballcock, 97, of Holy Island, has been having problems with her timing eve...
Read full storyIntel not doctored but finely sifted into a war pudding with salt
Latest reports from spokespersons for war senators McCain and Graham indicate the chemical weapons allegations against Assad are being pushed to the rear in war preparations underway in the US. Questions on the accuracy of the August 21 chemical w...
Read full storyBreeders Cup next as Kingsbarns an absolute 6/1 steal for Irish Champion Stakes
Kentucky - A huge American punt on Kingsbarns winning Saturday's Irish Champion Stakes has been reported by online spread-betting site Aintgottaprayer.con as several million dollars of US bloodstock agents' and thoroughbred breeders' hard earned cash...
Read full storyJohn Kerry gives Syria the 'Evil Eye'
Washington, DC - Finding little support for his administration's plan to punish Syria, US Secretary of State John Kerry is taking matters into his own face. The former Senator is activating his evil eye against the regime of Bashar al-Assad in r...
Read full storySenator John McCain Gives 3-5 Odds That He Does Not Have Gambling Problem
WASHINGTON, DC - Congress held its first public hearing about American plans for military action in Syria on Tuesday. At some point during the conversation, Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) -- who has been skeptical about President Barack Obama's propos...
Read full storyHow to Stop being Spied on!
Revelations that Governments and internet agencies are working together to spy on us all can be undermined by clever tactics. Firstly adopt a code of your own under the banner Jenkin's Ear. Introduce trapdoors into you writing through which snoope...
Read full storyRooney's Regret at Snubbing Original Hair Follicles
Wayne Rooney has spoken for the first time about the emotional decision to effectively give up on his original hair follicles and have a hair transplant. Speaking to upmarket newspaper The Completely-Dependent, the Manchester United player admitte...
Read full storySupermarket Music Festivals, like Totally man
The news of the cancellation of the supermarket chain Morrisons' inaugural music festival the other week was met with sadness. Excitement for the other forthcoming supermarket commissioned festivals however has only rocketed. The Morrisons festival, 'MFEST', was to be held in Leeds. As well as offering up cookery workshops with celebrity chef Aldo Zilli and kids' art and craft stalls there was...
Read full storyTransfer Window: Jimmy Greaves comes out of retirement
78 year old former England, Milan, West Ham, Chelsea and Tottenham player has announced he is coming out of retirement. The east-ender, most famous for missing the 1966 world cup final, alcoholism problems and his tv programme with Ian St John, to...
Read full storyMan United target replacement for Wayne Rooney
Manchester United boss David Moyes is planning ahead to the next transfer window and has targeted a replacement for Wayne Rooney in the shape of David Mooney. Mooney plays for Leyton Orient, so far top of League One with five wins from five. Moone...
Read full storyMan United boss David Moyes searches worldwide for new players
David Moyes completed his first transfer window as Manchester United boss with the signing of Everton midfielder Marouane Fellaini for £27.5 million on transfer deadline day. As expected of a club of their stature, United had been linked with play...
Read full storyMorning bingo sessions responsible for economic downturn
A new government report has blasted UK bingo clubs for their part in the current financial crisis. Since some bright spark at Bluerinse Bingo Club in Sheffield had the revolutionary idea of getting their balls out three times a day instead of two, al...
Read full storyPutin finally agrees to Syrian intervention - but only on horseback
MOSCOW:- Russian president Rararas Putin today finally acceded to Western demands for action in Syria, but only if the invasion could be lead by a cavalry battalion, with the mighty Russian himself leading the charge. "American missiles will not b...
Read full storyThe Aircraft Carrier USS Michael Jackson To Be Renamed The USS Elvis Presley
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The Department of Naval Operations has just announced that it has decided to rename the aircraft carrier the USS Michael Jackson. The ship which was commissioned in 2009, will be renamed the USS Elvis Presley. DNO spokesperso...
Read full storyChicharito and Cheryl Cole Are Kicking Around The "M" Word
BEVERLY HILLS - Cheryl Cole recently flew into L.A.'s LAX Airport where she filmed a commercial for Southwest Airlines. Afterward she was driven to Grauman's Chinese Theater where she had her handprints and footprints put in cement. She then we...
Read full storyMaria Sharapova Seen Sensuously Embracing Derek Hough
SANTA MONICA BEACH - Tennis great Maria Sharapova was reportedly seen walking hand in hand down the Santa Monica Pier with Derek Hough of Dancing With The Stars fame. The two were later spotted below the pier engaged in a sensuous embrace. The...
Read full storyNina Dobrev Rejects Russell Brand's Amorous Advances
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Nina Dobrev, the star of The Vampire Diaries has just confessed that last week she rejected the unwanted physical overtures of English actor Russell Brand. Nina said that she was coming out of The Laughing Beaver Comedy Club in We...
Read full storyThe Green Bay Packers Deny That Quarterback Aaron Rodgers Is On The Trading Block
GREEN BAY - The Green Bay Packers organization has no idea where the trade rumors regarding Aaron Rodgers started. But they want their fans (the Cheeseheads) and every fan of the NFL to know that Rodgers is not on the trading block. A front off...
Read full storyPresident Obama Will Send $20 Million Worth of Food Stamps To The Citizens of Syria
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Obama has said that he has an obligation to do something to help the people of Syria because the entire world has turned their backs on them. But now it seems that Obama is starting to feel a little like Johnny Depp in...
Read full storyNASCAR's Danica Patrick Denies The Rehab Rumors
TARZANA, California - The Queen of NASCAR, Danica Patrick was at The Gary Busey International Speedway filming a commercial for Cover Cutey Makeup. After she had finished she met with Zorro La Bamba of The Sports Bet Gazette. He asked her about...
Read full storyDr. Phil States That Kim Jong Un Needs Some Major Therapy Real, Real Bad
CHICAGO - Dr. Phil recently appeared on The Viagra View and he told Regis Philbin that if ever there was a world-wide leader who needed therapy it is North Korea's Kim Jong Un. Dr. Phil said that the little man is totally obsessed with himself and...
Read full storyBob Dylan Agrees To Record A Halloween Album With Honey Boo Boo
NEW YORK CITY - Music icon Bob Dylan has been singing his songs since back in the 50's. He has traveled all over the world and sang in every kind of venue imaginable. The 72-year-old folk singer never called himself a poet but everyone else includ...
Read full storyTaylor Swift Scoffs At The Lesbian Rumors Saying They're So Gay
MEMPHIS - Taylor Swift has said that she has pretty much been accused of many things, but up until now she has never been accused of being a lesbianite. The country singer giggled as she talked to Carolina Chipotle with Bedroom Pillow Talk about t...
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