MOSCOW:- Russian president Rararas Putin today finally acceded to Western demands for action in Syria, but only if the invasion could be lead by a cavalry battalion, with the mighty Russian himself leading the charge.
"American missiles will not bring peace," pronounced Putin, adding "I have fought bears with by bare hands and an otter with my otter hand - I am not scared of Bashar Al Assad; besides, the man looks like a meerkat, Aleksandr, I think... The one off of that advert I saw once in London..."
The Russian president is well known for his manly poses, hating gays and for his scary eyes.
"I hated dealing with the man," admitted one ex US president, who asked to remain anonymous due to the very real threat of being served a polonium stew at his retirement ranch in Texas should he be caught dissin' the world leader in public.
"I was at a disadvantage - during negotiations he continually stared at you like he was going to kill you. The best I could do is stare back like I was going to say something comprehensible..."