Today, In An Effort To Stem The Dubious Tide Of Climate Change
President Obama sent two B52 bombers over some tiny little islands near China and dropped some bombs. The nuclear winter they are expected to produce should last approximately 50 years. You can go back to fossil fuels now. No one should feel guil...
Read full storyNigella Lawson, star of The Taste cookery show, swears blind it was 'just baking powder'
New York, USA - "Uh, Cream of Tartar or bicarbonate of soda?" a former cookery show producer queried today as news broke that the Brit TV chef who famously wowed US cable audiences with her The Taste show alongside NY chef Anthony Bourdain may have b...
Read full storyPope enters reality TV biz, premiering "Fish on Friday"
The Vatican - Faced with rising legal costs and shrinking contributions, the Catholic Church is jumping into the lucrative reality TV segment with an unscripted show that features the Son of God. "Our initial offering will be a how-to reality-ba...
Read full storyPresident Obama Says Adam Lambert Will Give The USA $3 Million If Alec Baldwin Is Deported
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Obama informed the White House news media that he will be having a special meeting with his top advisers. The president revealed that he had received a text message from singer Adam Lambert stating that he and millions...
Read full storyChicago Bans Dart Boards In All Drinking Establishments
CHICAGO - The Chicago City Council has just issued a city mandate that will prohibit all drinking establishments including bars, lounges, clubs, and cantinas within the city limits from having a dart board on the premises. The CCC took this measur...
Read full storyPresident Obama to Visit Dreamworks Studio
President Obama is wrapping up his three-day West Coast tour by making a pitch to Dreamworks Studios. While the movie-making giant, known for Blockbuster hits such as "Kung Fu Panda," "Dinner for Schmucks," and "Tropic Thunder," welcomes President Ob...
Read full storyGeologists Must Give way to Martians
Billions dollar budgets spent looking at dried up Space Rocks and blocks of ice to pamper to geologists may be at an end. People want to look at the little green men and space monsters which we know are there, but they dont get a look in because t...
Read full storyTaylor Swift Wins AMA Artist of the Year Again While Fully Clothed
Taylor Swift has won the American Music Award for Artist of the Year thanks to all her fans. This was the third straight year (and fourth overall) she has won the Ho-Hum Award. Swift, who almost dozed off during the ceremony, stated that she's rea...
Read full storyThere's more than one way to skin a cat: The Spoof tests some English proverbs and sayings
Tiddles lies shivering in front of the fire, swathed in bandages and looking at me accusingly while I await the knock on the door. The vet said he was calling the RSPCA after what I had done and those interfering busybodies will be here soon. It was all in the name of a good cause, I tell Tiddles, but he still looks at me in that way and refuses to purr. What is his problem? Our verdict: I...
Read full storySchizophrenia... Not What it Seems.
Los Angeles: Psychologists at LA's Psychological Research Unit have come up with a new view of schizophrenia. Explained Dr. Ty Polar: "It would seem to us that schizophrenia is more a socially/family conditioning phenomenon and not, as we presupposed, a genetic fault. In our Post Modernist world, alternative views of reality are axiomatic. Alternative ways of seeing things are prevalent in...
Read full storyNew "Look Death in The Face" training for SAS
The S.A.S. Britain's world beating James Bond style Special Air Services are to prepare for deployment to Hell Holes like Afghanistan by being driven through the streets of Delhi in motor cycle taxis, it was announced this morning. Thought to be...
Read full storyNASA Asks China For A $7 Billion Loan
HOUSTON - The National Aeronaudics and Space Administration has just issued a statment stating that it will run out of funds on March 13, 2014. NASA Spokesperson Trent Timmelfarb informed the U.S. news media that NASA tried to get President Obama...
Read full storyBen & Jerry's Announces Their New Spokesperson
BURLINGTON, Vermont - Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream has just celebrated its 35th anniversary and sales are booming. Owners Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield, known as the Ice Cream Kidz, recently provided 6,000 pints of ice cream to a PETA convention i...
Read full storyDenver Broncos Fans Are Still In Shock At The Loss To The New England Patriots
DENVER - The Denver Broncos led the New England Patriots 24-0 at the halftime, but unfortunately they had to play the second half and they ended up losing 34-31. Denver Coach John Fox said after the game that his Broncos ran into the worst blizzar...
Read full storyMississippi Rejects The Bill That Would Have Banned Condoms
JACKSON, Mississippi - The senate of the state of Mississippi has just voted down a very controversial proposal. State Senator Roy LeRoy Witchboro [R-Pascagoula] spoke with National Focus Magazine and said that the debate on banning condoms within...
Read full storyKristen Stewart To Star With Zac Efron and Cheryl Cole In The Smirking Countess
HOLLYWOOD - TouchRock Films in association with Lions Door Pictures has just announced that Kristen Stewart of The Twilight Saga series will be starring with Zac Efron and Cheryl Cole in Luigi Luigiani's epic film The Smirking Countess. Stewart wi...
Read full storyThe San Antonio Spurs Barbecue The New Orleans Pelicans 112-93
SAN ANTONIO - Proving that sometimes the good guys do wear black, the San Antonio Spurs soundly defeated the New Orleans Pelicans at the AT&T Center. The team that wears silver and black beat the Pelicans 112-93, for their 11th victory in a ro...
Read full storyKim Jong Un Plans To Declare War On Bolivia
PYONGYANG, North Korea - The Rice Paddy News Agency of North Korea has just issued a statement from North Korean leader Kim Jong Un. It appears that Kim Jong Un has become angry at the fact that the South American government of Bolivia has decided...
Read full storySimon Cowell Reveals The Name of His Son-To-Be
NEW YORK CITY - X-Factor's Simon Cowell appeared with Larry King and Regis Philbin on their hit talk show The Viagra View. Regis asked Simon about the fact that at the age of 54, he is going to become a father for the very first time. Cowell gl...
Read full storyMoses refuses to work with "God" in new Riddly Scott Production
Christopher Bale, who is playing Moses in Riddly Scott's Biblical Epic currently filming in Almeria, southern Spain has downed Commandments and refused to work until God is sacked. God, who is in charge of natural sun driven lighting on the stric...
Read full storyStudy Links Smoking with Subconcious Obsession with Hiding Your Lighter
A study, conducted by XNM LABS, has linked smoking cigarettes with the subconscious obsession of hiding one's lighter. Scientists of XNM LABS studied 250 smokers, splitting them in to two groups, to perform the highly controversial double-blind t...
Read full storyWho Left Shrunken Head on Kristen Stewart's Bed?
According to a European Newspaper, actress Kristen Stewart woke up to discover a shrunken head in the bed beside her. "I screamed till someone opened the door and their security guard took it to the police station. Here I am in all these spooky mo...
Read full storyHow I Screwed Up My First Romance Novel
Inspired by the gazillions of dollars people are making in the romance novel genre, I decided to write one with a friend, Barry Golson. Granted, the genre is dominated by women, but so what? How hard could it be? Besides, Barry and I weren't exactly neophytes. Some years ago, we'd cut our teeth on a short romance novella called Love's Reckless Rash, written under the pen name Rosemary Cartwheel...
Read full storyUK Bookies Odds on Harry Potter Book 8
England; Bookie giant Ladbrokes have opened a book, so to speak, on Harry Potter. "Well," explained CEO Jock Crooks, the London shrewdies made a mint out of the Potter thing, a marketing success that is right up there with Coca Cola. Bloomsbury a...
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