Study Links Smoking with Subconcious Obsession with Hiding Your Lighter

Funny story written by Devin Rich

Tuesday, 26 November 2013

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Why you're really losing your lighter

A study, conducted by XNM LABS, has linked smoking cigarettes with the subconscious obsession of hiding one's lighter.

Scientists of XNM LABS studied 250 smokers, splitting them in to two groups, to perform the highly controversial double-blind test.

"We were able to prove that 95% of smokers, essentially, hide their lighters and matches from themselves; perhaps, in a subconscious attempt to cease smoking," said Mark Graves, of XNM Labs.

Throughout the 6 month testing period, Groups 1 and 2 lost, on average, 2 lighters per week. "This statistic intensified, by more than doubling the amount of lighters lost, in the test subjects that had marked regular to semi-regular consumption of alcohol," Graves added.

"We would pretty much go out of business if it weren't for this 'subconscious obsession' you're speaking of," said an CFO of a major lighter production company, who requested to remain anonymous.

"The remaining 5% that were not effected by this subconscious obsession typically had ***hole's for friends that kept pocketing them," Graves concluded.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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