Conflicting Studies Debate "Movers and Shakers"

Funny story written by Ellie James

Thursday, 22 September 2011

image for Conflicting Studies Debate "Movers and Shakers"
This photo of wax statues aren't Moving or Shaking.

In one of the most bizarre turns of research, medical and psychological researchers from the United States and Great Britain have clashed over studies investigating "Movers and Shakers".

Professors at the Picadilly Hovel University in Tweed at Sussex and the St. Freddie Mercury College in Queensland, both have found that people can be Movers, but not Shakers, while universities in Cambridge and Ithaca, USA disagree and say that people must be both Movers and Shakers.

Professor Hamish Finklebeinerer (yes that is 2 ers) lead investigator of SFMC in Queensland said, "Lot's of people are movers without being shakers, it simply makes sense. Our data concludes that shakers do not exist, only movers. This hair brained American study claims they have to be both, I say Poppycock!"

In a published report that can be found in the September 12, 2011 issue of Bizarre Studies Weekly, a study completed by Cornell University concludes that people can Shake and Move at the exact same time. "It's unfathomable to me as to why the so called researchers in the UK have found the exact opposite of our study. I have ten years of empirical data to back up my findings. People Move and Shake at the same time."

"We prefer to look at the paradigm and pedagogy of people being movers and gum chewers," retorts Hamish, "If you to shake and chew you'd be likely to choke!"

Similar research can be found at Harvard University as well. According to hard evidence collected by Gavin McCloud, people Move as they Shake. McCloud states that people Move and Shake at the same time all the time. "Those people at SFMC probably can't keep their shoes tied as well."

Editors Note: Please see related study Leaders Tie Their Shoes.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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