Heidi Montag Devastated At Being Rejected By The Kinetic King

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Thursday, 22 September 2011

image for Heidi Montag Devastated At Being Rejected By The Kinetic King
A deck of playing cards just one of the items that the Kinetic King uses in his act. (Photo courtesy of Piers Morgan).

LOS ANGELES - Heidi Montag recently revealed that she developed a crush on one of the contestants who appeared on this year's edition of America's Got Talent.

Montag said that the first time she saw the Kinetic King perform his act on the NBC talent show that she fell head-over-heels for him.

The Kinetic King's real name is Tim Ford and his act consists of assembling thousands and thousands of items and objects on stage which he then proceeds to knock down in a chain reaction collapsing and knocking down the next item and in turn knocking down the next one and so on and so forth until the very last object is knocked down.

The Minneapolis native said that he is totally obsessed with his act which he has been doing ever since he was 18-months old. He said that he recalls arranging things in his baby crib like baby rattles, baby pacifiers, baby chew toys, and Baby Ruths and knocking them down to the joy, awe, and puzzlement of his parents, relatives, and neighbors.

Bedroom Pillow Talk reporter Carolina Chipotle, who is a good friend of the host of America's Got Talent Nick "The Pretzel Stick" Cannon, was able to get Cannon to introduce Tim Ford to Heidi Montag.

Montag and Ford went out on a dinner date to The Texas Cattle Stampede Steakhouse in Cucamonga. Montag later told Miss Chipotle that she really enjoyed being with KK and that she would love to go out with him again.

She revealed that after their dinner date they drove back to her home where KK went into her pantry and took a bag of Oreo Cookies and arranged them in a mini-knock down on her kitchen counter top.

When Chipotle spoke with Ford and gave him the great news about Heidi wanting to go out with him again he smiled and said that although he did like her he stated that he would not be asking her out again.

A stunned Chipotle asked him why not. Ford answered that he was just much to involved in his work and besides he confessed that Heidi smells like plastic and he's highly allergic to plastic.

When Montag was contacted by Carolina Chipotle and told about what the Kinetic King had said (Montag) did not say a word but the Bedroom Pillow Talk reporter stated that she could tell that Heidi was devastated by the way she made a fist with her right hand and kept hitting her open left hand while remarking, "I hate you KK! I hate you KK!" over and over.

In a non-related story. Tony Bennett has said that the rumor that he will be leaving the United States and moving to Libya is false and was probably fabricated by either Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, or Bill O'Reilly.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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