Written by Morse

Thursday, 22 September 2011

image for TSA Charges UK Man with Attempt to Smuggle Endangered 'Alligator Bags' Through Newark Airport!
Yorkshire Lad with Extreme Case of Ichthyosis Vulgaris (zoo file photo)

Minimum Wage TSA union workers, smarting from a series of law enforcement charges running from rape, murder, theft, drug smuggling, pedophilia, and sexual fondling and harassment attempted to make it all right by detaining a British man who claims he was in the country seeking medical treatment.

Following a recent incident where a passenger smuggled a 4' knife onto a flight and then proceeded to threaten his seat mate with it over the use of the center arm rest, workers were charged with being 'a little more diligent' in discharging their duties by Newark supervisor Leroy "Blind Bugger" Muhammad, who also heads up the enforcement division of the national Union.

The union, allowed to form by President Obama, although the original mandate forbid the formation of a union for the first line of defense for the nation, now totals 52,500 formerly unemployed school drop outs, drug users, sex offenders who have failed to register, child support dodgers, and most who refuse to wash their hands after using the toilet or after sex.

The tourist, who can not be named to protect him from universal shame, embarrassment and on line bullying, was pulled out of line after he was subjected to the "Naked Scan' reserved for those passengers who looked 'spooky' according to Muhammad, who defended his staff for the action.

According to the the 8 scanners who gathered around to see the revealing X-rays, one male and 7 female workers, it appeared that the subject was ' attempting to pass through security carrying a pair of alligator bags which are on the endangered species list."

Hustled off to a closed room for privacy, although the event was video taped, suspicions were confirmed, according to a spokesman for the authority, as the man certainly did have what appeared to be 'alligator bags' where normal men would have a scrotum.

The man, allegedly from Yorkshire, who could hardly be understood by his Jamaican Interrogator, claimed he was in the county seeking relief for a medical condition.

He was held naked, shivering, and in sheer terror for 8 hours until a TSA medical consultant could be reached to look further into the matter.

After a throughly humiliating experience of a series of body cavity searches, fondling, and being viewed by a score of intrigued workers, the conclusion was issued that indeed, the pour soul was suffering from the serious medical condition of "Ichthyosis Vulgaris."

The disease, which takes many forms, appears as scaly, alligator like skin, and can affect either parts, or the entire body.

This man from Yorkshire, still dazed and confused, who also happened to be bald, was doubly afflicted as he suffered ' Epidermolytic Hyperkeratosis' which left him bald, as well as with a scaly scrotum.

It turns out he was on his way to the prestigious Mayo Clinic to seek relief, for while there is no cure, medication can soothe some of the discomfort.

"I'd been waiting 3 years and 4 months to get an appointment in London with the NHS," the man said, " I just couldn't wait another minute...not only was I unable to date all this time, but I was banned from most pubs for standing around at the bar scratching me nuts... not my fault, were it mate?"

While the TSA did not apologize for the incident saying, "better safe than sorry, who knows the fool could have been trying to smuggle turtles from Thailand up his bum...we've been warned about these travelers from Britain...Bastards always trying to get a leg up on us!"

When told he was free to go, the still naked man, rushed to cover up his privates saying, "well then, I'll just git me hat....!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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