Greece desperate for cash

Funny story written by MonkeyInTheBath

Tuesday, 4 October 2011

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After struggling to pay off their gigantic debts, Greece is considering unorthodox methods of raising money. Last night, a fundraising auction of Demis Roussos raised a total of 20 Euros. The disappointing total is being put down to Mr Roussos's excessive consumption of moussaka prior to the beginning of the auction.

Other Greek plans for raising funds include:

- an attempt to patent the Olympics, which would lead to Greece getting a cut of all profits made in every modern Olympics going back to 1896. This is unlikely to succeed as most Olympics have failed to make money at all, notoriously the Athens Olympics of 2004.

- an offer to Britain to buy the Elgin marbles from Greece, including loan payments backdated to the 19th century when they were first "borrowed" and taken to London.

- an attempt to patent democracy, which would mean all democratic countries worldwide would need to pay a licence fee to Greece to continue using the system. There have been warnings that this could push certain corrupt and dysfunctional countries (including Greece) to revert to cheaper and more brutal forms of government.

- an offer to Turkey to buy the Greek half of Cyprus. This offer is likely to include a clause guaranteeing 12 points for Turkey from Cyprus at future Eurovision song contests.

- a desperate attempt to sue the makers of "Grease" for copyright infringement.

- lots of prayers to the ancient Greek God of wealth, Ploutus, for a rain of Euros from the heavens.

If Greece cannot repay its debt and has to default, then the knock-on effects for other European countries and their financial systems could be huge. This week the head of the European Central Bank revealed his plans. He said he intended to make the bank "Greece-proof".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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