United Kingdom finally to be renamed United Queendom
It's taken sixty years of Great Britain having a female monarch, but after an act of parliament this morning, the country will officially be renamed to the United Queendom. "It's about time," said Prince Philip. "It confuses all those bloody forei...
Read full story40,000 British Forces Germany troops 'guarantee Euro won't collapse'
London - The Brit peacekeepers' German presence guarantees the Euro's legit in a variety of ways Whitehall sources said tonight. "Mostly it's the 1st Armored Division's Challenger 2 MBTs, Warrior IFVs and AS-90 Braveheart howitzer capability," MoD...
Read full storyJennifer Lopez Received Over 7,000 Marriage Proposals After Her Erotically Provocative Performance on The American Music Awards Show
LOS ANGELES - Jennifer Lopez performed on The American Music Awards Show singing her hit song "On The Floor" in an outfit that was barely there. Viewers got to see a side of J.Lo that they had not seen in a while. The soon-to-be-divorced J.Lo stun...
Read full storyTommy Cooper seen running for his life in Cairo!
Unbelievable violent scenes in Cairo were overshadowed by an eye-witness report having sworn that he or she saw Tommy Cooper running for his life amidst the chaos. According to reports Tommy Cooper was seen being chased by lunatic supporters of wh...
Read full storyZombies Boo Obama At National Alien Convention In Deadwood
DEADWOOD, SOUTH DAKOTA - Thousands of black-gowned, fang-toothed counter-culturists, all unified by the desire to be recognized by mainstream, so called "natural phenomenalists", gathered in this appropriately named town in the Black Hills of South D...
Read full storyWorld debts so heavy that countries are sinking below the sea!
The major economies of the world have so many extremely "heavy" debts that ships out at sea have noticed several countries are beginning to subside! Along the Atlantic shoreline several ships noticed that the Manhattan and Atlanta skylines are beg...
Read full storyCongress super committee exposed playing "Go Fish" in secret negotiations!
The Associated Press is reporting this morning that a video-cam of the inner workings of the special committee has been posted on YouTube and it has gone viral. The suspected culprit is a janitor who belongs to the SEIU. The union is denying any invo...
Read full story"What A Carve Up!"
Regrettably, yet again (four) police officers have been stabbed while attempting to arrest a rather agitated, if not completely fucking loopy, nutter. The incident occurred in Kingsbury, Northwest London, on Saturday after a man had grabbed a knife f...
Read full storyMother tells Gallagher brothers to sort it out with 'Trial By Combat'
London - Peggy Gallagher has told her two 'cretin' sons to kiss 'n' make-up or sort it out via trial by combat in a modern re-enactment of an ancient judicially sanctioned duel. A best-of-three-rounds joust could now take place near Tyburn Gate if...
Read full storyNotorious Mitchell-Hedges crystal skull 'communicating evil thoughts' with Damien Hirst diamond skull: reports
London - A telepathic war of words is suspected by museum curators monitoring the infamous life-sized Mitchell-Hedges crystal skull found in Belize circa 1924. The pre-Columbian Mesoamerican artefuct is thought to be 'having a mental war' with Dam...
Read full storyStephen Hawking the anti Cain Predicts Armageddon
The world's greatest scientist Stephen Hawking said today that unless we colonize space or learn to travel in time we will soon be extinct. Stephen Hawking said: "When the American people have Herman Cain atop the polls for Commander in Chief and Lea...
Read full storyBlair to be called as character witness in Saif Al Gaddafi trial
Tripoli - "Of course it all depends on the actual charges prosecutors bring against the Colonel's son," a Libyan legal source said today. "If it's aggravated cock-fighting, PhD doctoral fiddles or failure to pay his London Congestion Charge then T...
Read full storyChelsea Manager Villas Boas Sacked after his snake almost killed a ball boy!
The manager of Chelsea FC was sacked this morning after one of his pet snakes escaped its confines, wrapped itself around a young ball boy and squeezed hard, a spokesperson explained. The snake, a Boa Constrictor, was one of many belonging to the...
Read full storyOfficer John Pike Gives Three Reasons Why He Pepper Sprayed The Students At The University of California at Davis
DAVIS, California - With two long sprays from his bottle of industrial pepper spray campus police officer Johnny Pike has just become the most hated man in America since John Wilkes Booth. According to Ling Chow Rangoon of iRumors who covered the...
Read full storyMicrosoft updates slow down older PCs
Many people who have owned a PC for longer than a year will know two things. Firstly, the machine they own now is half as quick as the machine that they bought. Secondly, they will have been receiving more and more Microsoft updates the older the...
Read full storyRobin Gibb to Release One Last Album
Gibb suffering from the big 'C' talks candidly about his last album, life (or the impending end) and colostomy bags. Many people the world over are today the world over waiting for Rob to pop off; however he has agreed to give us what may well be his last interview. Talking of his latest album the 61 year old BeeGee said; 'I am determined to release one last happy singsong for my fans, ya kn...
Read full storyQPR Village People beat Stoke bum fluff
A heavily moustached QPR team had to man up and suck up the hairy banter when they fronted up against an ugly Stoke side on Saturday. "I told the lads before the game that they looked like a load of gay porn stars and that The Britannia Stadium i...
Read full storyTori Spellington's Recent Slump Goes Viral
Hollywood - Super rich mega star Tori Spellington's family, friends and reality wannabes are deeply concerned and horrified about the former 902100 star due to the fact that she keeps losing weight each and every day and looks like a Joan Rivers bioh...
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