Written by TAR

Monday, 21 November 2011

image for Tori Spellington's Recent Slump Goes Viral
Man, I don't feel like a woman!

Hollywood - Super rich mega star Tori Spellington's family, friends and reality wannabes are deeply concerned and horrified about the former 902100 star due to the fact that she keeps losing weight each and every day and looks like a Joan Rivers biohazard.

Tori, has admitted that she is now an emaciated 60 pounds, or in simple terms, sagging silicone tits, dimpled ass and weighs as much as Kim Kardashin' big ass.

But Spellington, insists that she is not anorexic. She tells everyone that she is just way too tall for her weight and putting a dessert spoon down ones throat every day is completely normal in the Spellington family.

A close, unnamed friend has said that her friends are starting to call her names behind her back; everything from zipper, boner and a vodka soaked tampon applicator.  "Tori looks like a stick person with two gigantic eyeballs," says a former 902100 co-star.

Tori somehow found out and replied angrily that sticks and stones may break her bones, but horrible words well never hurt her. Another friend has pointed out that some other hatred people are also calling her foul names, especially Dino's dumped ex, Mary Jo Usedtobe.  "I see she is living up to her name, "shrivelled up old c..."  remarks Usedtobe. "Give me back my pathetic ex husband, you cheating silicone sally, actually we are both pathetic Canadian actors and deserve each other," screamed Usedtobe.

Spellington said that the mega stress from her dick head husband Dino McDermutt's recent self inflicted motorcycle accident has caused her so much tremendous stress to the point that my zillions of inherited money don't mean a damn thing anymore.  "I think it's time to make another low budget movie in Canada, go on a manhunt and steal someone else's neglected desperate hung husband," sobbed Tori.

And just weeks before that the stress from his skateboard accident in which he ran into a Toys "R" Us truck has also taken its toll on dear sweet Tori.  Rehab is looking at me right in the eyes.  "I have been sniffing carpenters glue and find myself surfing the net for OTC medications to help me through all of this pain.  

She is also blaming part of her extreme weight loss on four recent bouts with her "Joan Crawford" like mother, Candy Spellington.  We asked Candy what would snap Tori out of this daze.  Candy quipped, "A good whack with a wire hanger would do Tori good.  I really miss those old mansion play days."

To view detailed account of Tori's slump, tune into ET Monday night.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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