New "Death Cards" To Be Released
Greetings cards have been shared between people for thousands of years. Archeologists believe that the first greetings card was sent by ancient Egyptian Pharaoh Amenhotep to his cat Mrs Whiskers, in the 13th century BC. Since then, the greetings c...
Read full storyMad Woman Denies Being A Raving Loony - Dragged Off Screaming
Barnstoneworth woman, Elizabeth Golightly was today remanded in protective custody for her own good, by Barnstoneworth Magistrates, after being accused by neighbours of being a raving loony. The court heard how Ms Golightly was widely regarded in...
Read full storyRussel Crowe is a "tosser" claim disgusted Jews as he insults circumcision!
Russel Crowe has insulted most male othodox Jews by calling circumcision barbaric, in fact many Jews have called him a right old "Tosser" because of his comments. Having Russel Crowe insult the ancient tradition has caused quite an outrage amongst...
Read full storySan Francisco to vote on religious mutilation ban
In an up-and-coming vote which will take place in San Francisco in November, voters will be given the choice on whether religious groups should be banned from mutilating their children in the name of their faith. The ban is controversial because...
Read full storySyria's entire lesbian community are actually American truckers
Syria has never been the best place to be a lesbian (Lesbos is, obviously) - it has widespread homophobia, religious extremism, and half the women wear burkas. But with the recent news that not one but TWO Syrian lesbian bloggers have turned out to b...
Read full storyWednesday's Severe Weather Alert Retracted - Stiff Breeze Unlikely After All
After issuing a severe weather alert earlier today, advising the public to beware of stiff breezes on Wednesday, the Met Office has issued a retraction and an unconditional apology, as they admitted they got it all wrong. The error was discovered...
Read full storyLost British Classic Exploitation Films To Be Released On DVD
A number of apparently 'lost' British exploitation films, originally made between the 1950's and the mid 1980's are to be released in digitally remastered DVD and Blu Ray format from Monday. The films were made using sets and costumes from bigger...
Read full storyMoldova's Next Top Model Car Entices Sexton Cox With $$$
Cynthia Sexton Cox, 39, the in-demand American star of An Inconvenient Truce and 2010's The 100-year-old Virgin, has earned a cool $200,000 for just one day's work. Sexton Cox, who is currently in Abu Dhabi filming a follow-up to her mega-successf...
Read full storyGOP Considers Hiring Ex OSU Coach
An undisclosed source recently revealed that Chairman Reince Priebus of the Republican Party is considering hiring ex-Ohio State football coach, Jim Tressel, and bringing him on board as a "recruiter" for presidential hopefuls. "We did some resear...
Read full storyKathy Griffin Explains Why She Gave Brad Pitt and George Clooney Each A Sexy Lap Dance
NEW ORLEANS - The star of My Life On The D-List at first denied sexy lap dance allegations made by a security guard and a custodian at The Giggle Giggle Comedy Club on Bourbon Street. The comedy club is co-owned by Harry Connick Jr., and Ellen DeG...
Read full storyDose of Crabs hits 200 at Bognor Holiday Resort
Scores of guests at a holiday camp in Bognor Regis, Sussex, have come down with a dose of crabs. The dose swept through the popular resort as it was packed with 5000 holidaymakers and staff. Bosses have ordered an immediate deep cleaning and d...
Read full storyMidget Circus Artiste's Revelations Inspire Film
Has-been midget circus artiste and occasional film and television actor Sweeney Diplick, 54, is in the news again. Diplick's sordid revelations of drug dependency, lifelong drunkenness and Jane Seymour fan club addiction on ABC's entertainment pro...
Read full storyLegendary Actress Myrtle St John Set to Strip For Picasso film
Legendary Canadian actress, Myrtle St John, 99, has shocked Hollywood with the news that she will star in the sexually-charged Lusting After Picasso, which is currently in pre-production. The film, to be based on the stage production of the same...
Read full storySamantha Hu? Star Embarrassed by Arrest, Fears Career Is Over
Samantha Hu? star Jennie Chung, 36, was arrested Sunday for driving under the influence in Santa Monica, California. The popular TV star allegedly lashed out at police when stopped, punching one in the face and stomping on another's foot. One s...
Read full storyUK Severe Weather Alert - Batten Down The Hatches - Stiff Breeze Expected Wednesday
The Met Office today issued a 'Severe Weather Warning' and advised UK residents to batten down the hatches, as there is a high probability of the nation being traversed by a stiff breeze at some point on Wednesday. Residents have been advised to...
Read full storyPhuc Mi Phuc-ed, Claims Sister
Documentary maker Phuc Mi, 38, has been arrested and charged with first-degree murder in Caracas, Venezuela, according to reports filed yesterday. Chinese Phuc Mi, who shares directing duties with twin sister, Phuc Yu, was in Venezuela scouting l...
Read full storyKoongal's Privates Go Up In Blaze
British socialite Bettina, Duchess of Koongal, 50, got the shock of her life when she returned from a Tahitian getaway only to discover that her luxurious 16th century mansion had fallen victim to an arsonist who has so far torched more than a dozen...
Read full storyAlex McLeish Can Expect No Red Carpet Welcome At Aston Villa
Aston Villa supporters' groups appear to be pretty unanimous in the view that former Birmingham City boss, Alex McLeish, who could be about to take over the reins at Villa Park, will not be regarded by the fans as a welcome addition to the Villa fold...
Read full storyVideo May Hold Clues to Star's Disappearance
A recently discovered home movie of Tula Van Winkle, the popular Dutch actress who disappeared under mysterious circumstances at the age of 87 in March 1976, is currently being investigated by Dutch authorities. The videotape, which was found at...
Read full storyLatest Superfood Available From Local Man
A new superfood to rival blueberries, apples and broccoli is set to hit the shelves. Fans of sea buckthorne say it contains vitamins A, B1, B2, E and up to ten times the vitamin C found in oranges. They also claim that it boosts brain function...
Read full storyUniversity Degrees Not Worth The Money - Top Academic Hits Back
A top academic has today launched a scathing attack on middle-class parents who feel that a university degree is no longer worth paying for. Ken Lucid, controversial Head of History at Maidenhead University, described the findings of a new survey...
Read full storyQueen's credit rating downgraded as Palace fails to clear Epsom Derby betting debts
Ascot - Online bookmaker RoyalMugPunter.con is still awaiting settlement of Derby Day IOUs on disastrous royal no-hoper Carlton House. House of Windsor losses are said to account for much of the £50 million that bookies raked in when French-traine...
Read full storyMurray's Wimbledon preparations in disarray following Queens victory
Andy Murray's preparations for Wimbledon have been thrown in to disarray after the Scotsman followed up a tournaments worth of lawn grass tennis at Queens club with an unusually strange arrangement which saw him lifting a trophy in what appeared desp...
Read full storyBBC Staff Given Lessons In Using Chairs
The BBC has employed a "chair champion" to teach staff how to sit properly and comfortably at their desks. Staff moving to the new Salford Quays MediaCity development are being offered a choice of three models of chair, all of which swivel. They a...
Read full storyBear-Proof Containers
For those wishing to explore the back country of Denali National Park in Alaska one of the requirements that the Rangers insist upon is that the avid hikers must take with them a bear-proof container. This is a small, barrel-shaped container which also proves itself to be human proof if you don't carry a screw driver with you to open it. The containers are designed to keep your hiking food in so t...
Read full storyJackie conquers England while SuBo cancels third CD
It has been announced that 50 year old SuBo is canceling the release of her third album in order to become a nun. Apparently this is something SuBo always aspired to do but until now she never had the courage to carry out. "Ah wis tae fekken scare...
Read full storyLady Gaga Apologizes For Her Wrinkled Cleavage
PARIS - Lady Gaga flew to Paris to participate in a fashion show honoring the famous Versace family, Gianni, Donatella, and Fauntleroy. The lady with the redundant name was escorted by France's first lady Carla Bruni-Sarkozy's personal bodyguard M...
Read full storyWe will be flying around in 'transparent' planes by 2050 - according to Airbus
Airbus unveiled the transparent plane we could all be flying around in, come 2050. If you fancy a Disney World experience when you are flying, then Airbus is for you. The walls of the airplanes, by 2050 will be 'see through'. These planes are...
Read full storyAll Night Garages To Impose £5 Surcharge On Flowers And Chocolates
Bowing to pressure from feminist groups, the Federation of All Night Garage Owners (FANGO) have agreed to impose a £5 surcharge on each purchase of flowers or chocolates if purchased by an unaccompanied male. The all night garage has long been emp...
Read full storyGovernment To Introduce £104 Road Tax For Cyclists
A Whitehall mole today revealed that Transport Minister, Norman Baker, is to introduce a controversial new £104 annual road tax for cyclists. Early reports indicate that the new charges will apply from April 1st 2012 and that there will be no exce...
Read full storyMD Calls For Anthony Weiner's Weiner To Be Put To Bed
A leading British psychologist today made an impassioned plea for the incessant deluge of "jokes" concerning Queens 9th District Democratic Congressman Anthony Weiner's Weiner to be finally put to bed. Professor Frederick Treves, a leading psychol...
Read full storyThe Miami Heat Shock The Sports World As They Trade LeBron James To The Cleveland Cavaliers
MIAMI - In a move that has shocked not only the basketball world but the entire sports world, the political world, and even the world of hip hop music, the Miami Heat have just announced that they have traded LeBron James to The Cleveland Cavaliers.
Read full storyEngland Cricketer gave woman multiple orgasms
The contents of a private diary bought at a boot sale in Yorkshire provide further evidence that Test Cricket can be a huge aphrodisiac. The journals of Fanny Old, Vice President of the Eccles Women's Institute, record in graphic detail her sexua...
Read full storyObama's Special Economics Advisor and Nobel Laureate Peso Krugerrand Retires
Berkeley CA: Professor Peso Krugerrand retired today as Chairman of the Economics Department of UC Berkeley after 50 years of teaching Keynesian economics. President Obama and Michelle made a special trip on Air force One to be with the administratio...
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