Today's News With Rush Limbo #7
Today's News With Rush Limbo: "Can't wait for the weekend. I have a big golf game scheduled and former VP Dick Cheney is going to be in the foursome. Yes Turdley, I'll keep an eye out for his Big Bertha. Do you realize that it was two years ago that Bernie Madoff began his 200-year sentence? What? OK, his 150-year sentence. Sorry if you're listening. Gave you a scare there. Anyway, a fond ha...
Read full storyBreast Milk Ice Cream On Sale
A restaurant in London has announced that its best selling menu item is ice cream made from breast milk. Cafe You in Covent Garden is making a name for itself by featuring dishes made only from body parts and membranes. The Breast Milk Ice Crea...
Read full storyThe Aberdeen Almanac Chapter 2
Fit like, abody. Me an' mah guid freends ower the past puckle days huv bin chawin' the cud ower this an' that (mainly that, tae be honist). An' the main theeng we've bin crackin' aboot is the Auld Feerm. Ivry wee whilie us fitba fowk git bathered wi' a' these havers aboot the Weegies jynin' this league or anither, but ye aw ken its nae gaein' tae happin. An' foo no ? Cuz the fans an' t...
Read full storyShylock Humes And The Case Of The Purloined Budgerigar, Part Five
I looked at my friend Shylock Humes, and then at the huddled figure in the leather armchair. "Dead, Humes?" I ejaculated. It was all right, the butler had a cloth I could use. "No, Flotsam", answered my friend Shylock Humes. "I am not dead - though, in view of the paltry audience we get for this rubbish, I may as well be. No, I mean the figure in this leather armchair. His Lordship. He is qu...
Read full storyLiverpool School Bans Leather Footballs
A primary school in an area of Liverpool that has produced some of the country's top footballers has caused controversy by banning leather footballs on health and safety grounds. Joey Barton, Steven Gerrard and Peter Reid all grew up in the area o...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus: I'm Sick of Lying Reporters!
Teen star Miley Cyrus who has been going through some rough times lately with fanzines and her own family says that she is sick of the whole thing. "I'm tired of seeing some guy at a party and hanging around talking and having a good time and the next thing I know someone at the party has taken pics and the headlines the next day is "Miley Cyrus Seeing New Love!", "Miley Cyrus Reveals Secret Lo...
Read full storyGaddafi Blames Bin Laden
Under fire Libyan leader Colonel Muammar Gaddafi has blamed bin laden for the demonstrations that are wreaking havoc in his country. In a phone call to a TV station, the autocrat said that "a bin laden with a large haul of cannabis seized by Tripo...
Read full storyElmer J. Fudd Called in by Wisconsin Governor to Hunt Down Democrats
Wisconsin Governor, Scott Walker, has announced that they have hired veteran rabbit hunter Elmer J. Fudd to hunt down the Senate's Democrats, which are currently hiding out in Illinois. "We feel that Elmer J. Fudd is by far the best person for...
Read full storyLiverpool Through - Czechs Check Out
Liverpool emerged victorious tonight in a one goal thriller against Sparta Prague, in an unusually timed early kick off, which according to whichever source you care to believe, was scheduled by Channel Five in order that it not clash with Coronation...
Read full storyColonel Gaddafi refuses to quit epic game of Risk
Colonel Gaddafi is refusing to quit a mammoth game of Risk that has lasted nearly five days despite having none of his army left. Gaddafi has been labelled a "sore loser" and "not knowing when to quit" by his fellow Risk players which include all...
Read full storyEveryone in America Now Running For President
Everyone in the U.S. will soon be running for President, Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele announced today. "I'm runnin', you runnin', the whole damn country's runnin'," he said. It seems the Republicans have gotten unusually...
Read full storyUN Harshly Condemns Ghadaffi! "Be Careful Little Hands…"
The United Nations passed a resolution last night condemning Muammar Ghadaffi. It was the strongest condemnation in the history of the UN.It reads in Part: Oh, be careful little ears, what you hear For the Father Up above, Is looking down in love, So be careful little ears what you hear. Oh, be careful little eyes, what you see, For the Father up above, is looking down in love...
Read full storyBangalore police hit Indian cricket fans for a "six"!
Bangalore: Indian cricket fans queuing outside Bangalore's cricket stadium "fought" a rare version of the ancient, noble game with police today. The frustrated fans who had been waiting for 3 days for non-existent tickets decided to start "fast bo...
Read full storyMore Women Needed In Boardrooms
Companies in the UK have been advised that they face government sanctions if they don't increase the number of women in their boardrooms. Former minister Lord Davies has instructed businesses to increase female representation in their boards by 20...
Read full storyMarseille and Man Utd fall asleep during Champions league game, they were doped!
The sight of 22 highly paid footballers in Marseille last night attempting to play football has risen suspicions amongst the UEFA and an after-match investigation has proven, doping was involved. In fact it's an authentic case because both teams w...
Read full storyGet The Spoof Advert-Free By Signing Up to Premium Content!
Regular readers of The Spoof will be used to the mix of articles and adverts on the site. Recently, however, many people have questioned the quality of the stories being published. Well, for the last eighteen months, there have in fact been two distinct sets of articles; the set you see here and a 'Premium' set of much funnier stories professionally edited and without any annoying, slow-loadin...
Read full storyHollywood in shock over Knightley's new film choice
Rumours about Keira Knightley's new project have been flying ever since Monday, when an insider leaked details of the feature film to the British press. Talking about the film, the insider mentioned that is had "a happy ending" and was "not a period...
Read full story'Chicken' Colonel Muammar will 'Go Daffy' in Punic tragedy
Muammar Gadaffi, president of Libya, and also known as 'The Colonel', is not feasting on a bucket today, but may be about to kick one. His wings have been clipped and are no doubt fried from the desert heat, not to mention from the fiery protests whi...
Read full storyThe Adventures of Sherlock Cameron: Chapter the Second
One day I was taking tea in my rooms when Sherlock Cameron strode in. "You have probably never thought seriously of Boris Moriarty?" said he. "Of course not, the man's like a loveable labrador." "Aye, there's the genius and the wonder of the thing!" he cried. "That man pervades London, and no one takes him seriously. That's what puts him on a pinnacle in the records of bumbling politici...
Read full storyDid Kate And Wills Invite The Blood Uncle To The Wedding?
Other news agencies have established that Sarah Ferguson, Duchess of York, was nixed from the guest list of the Kate and Wills wedding, but was the blood uncle of William and Harry, Charles Spencer, brother of Princess Diana, on the invite list? If invited, will he be asked, (as the one and only blood uncle) to speak from the pulpit? Maybe they can rein him away from the pulpit, but he has to give...
Read full storyPrice of Petrol
'I have heard enough of this whining about people being killed in Libya - it is now clear the price of petrol is going up and the economy is going to suffer.' I have heard enough about people being killed in New Zealand. Now we can expect the price of lamb and kiwis to go through the roof. I have heard enough about the weather in Australia with people getting flodded and and burnt at the sam...
Read full storyAdam Lambert Penis Mishap on Stage Blamed on Wardrobe
Adam Lambert has sent out word this morning that last night's incident while he was performing before a live audience in New Jersey was a complete fluke. According to a spokesman, the sudden flip-out of the glitter rock artist's penis during the f...
Read full storyLocal Millionaire Offers Reward for Quieter Lightning Storms
Boca Grande, Fl - A local man has offered a $200,000 reward to anyone who can find a way to make quieter thunderstorms. Morty Shafter, who describes himself as a retired marine biologist from New York, offered the reward after discovering Flo...
Read full storySelena Gomez Credited With Starting America's "No Socks" Fad
HOLLYWOOD - Young teen queen Selena Gomez is no stranger when it comes to starting teen trends, avant garde crazes, and fashion rages. The young singer from Grand Prairie, Texas has certainly become an innovational icon. She was the first to we...
Read full storySee You Later Alligator
A young child in Brazil is today recovering from the tragic loss of his friend Benjy, an alligator who befriended the boy who lived a lonely life near a forest in Brazil. The child, who cannot be named for legal reasons, had found the alligator be...
Read full storyMasterchef Gets New Makeover
It was changes all round for popular cookery series Masterchef this week as the set underwent a massive facelift and the new format seemed to get the thumbs up from most viewers.One TV Critic however wasn't amused at the antics of one or two of the c...
Read full storyJustin Bieber donates first pubic hair to charity
London - All proceeds will go to the actor's charitable foundation ahead of being auctioned 'to raise money for disadvantaged children who've not had the chance of buying the My World 2.0 album'. The actor told Ellen DeGeneres the stray lone stran...
Read full storyLondon underground infested with donkeys
A new report published today by Transport for London (TFL), the government body responsible for most aspects of the transport system in London, has warned of a sharp increase in the number of donkeys plaguing the underground rail network. The do...
Read full storyJennifer Lopez Has A "Meltdown" On American Idol - Cries Out She Wants To Quit The Show!
HOLLYWOOD - American Idol Judge Jennifer Lopez, aka J.Lo has thus far sat through seven auditions in seven different cities, the nerve-wracking Hollywood Week, the ego-consumed Group Week, and The Las Vegas Beatles Sing-Off. And although the highl...
Read full storyToday's News With Rush Limbo #6
Today's News With Rush Limbo: "This is America's Answer Man, along with Turdley, my assistant. What are we going to do tonight, Turdley? Right! We're going to take over the world! A homicide car bomber in Baghdad, believed to be that of a man who lost all but two of his virgins in a game of dominoes during the previous night, blew up himself and the winner of his other 70 virgins last night...
Read full storyNY Yankees to Trade Alex Rodriquez to L.A. Angels for Seven-Foot Pitcher!
That rumor you have been hearing apparently could be true that the New York Yankees will be trading star slugger Alex Rodriquiz to the Los Angeles Angels for 7-foot pitcher Loek van Mil who has the hot stove league abuzz early this year. "Van Mil...
Read full storyTime to panic!
"A study by the National Institutes of Health in the US suggests that mobile phones could have an effect on the brain.They reported higher sugar use in the brain, a sign of increased activity, after 50 minutes on the phone.The research published in the Journal of the American Medical Association said the clinical significance was unknown." (BBC News 24/2/2011) Meanwhile, RISP (Research Into Stu...
Read full storyJudge to Lohan: You Need a New Guardian - Rosie O'Donnell Makes Adoption Offer!
In what appears to be a match made in, well, let's call it heaven for lack of a better place, Rosie O'Donnell has offered to adopt and mentor troubled star Lindsay Lohan after the Judge in her latest trial has told her she needs to get a new guardian...
Read full storyRihanna & Kanye Flashing Fears
Hip-hop star Kanye West's latest video could lead to viewers suffering seizures, experts have warned. The promotional film for All Of The Lights features sexy singer Rihanna in a very revealing outfit. Experts at Cambridge Research Systems foun...
Read full storyRoyal Bank of Scotland confirmed as being run by lucky bastards
With the news that RBS bankers are to get £950m in bonuses despite making a £1.1bn loss and costing the country hundreds of millions in cutbacks as the country props it up, it was revealed today that the bank is is in fact run by complete lucky basta...
Read full storyPostage stamps to change shape
The Postal service has announced that the shape of its postage stamps is to change shape for the first time in over a hundred years on the first of April this year. The change in the design is to enable blind customers to be able to attach their...
Read full storyRadio 2 and Radio 1 presenters in mass brawl
Regular listeners to the BBC station "Radio 2" have been calling the broadcasting corporation's switchboard to query the absence of three regular presenters who have not been on the airwaves all week. Zoe Ball is currently sitting in for Ken Bru...
Read full storyLibyan Anguish
Distraught customers at Heathrow have been in anguish because their flights to Libya have been unaccountably delayed and cancelled. Mrs Dee from Derby, 45, exclaimed that her children's half term had been ruined. 'We love our holidays in Tripoli'...
Read full storyObama to Convert United States to Metric System
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Under Presidental Decree, Obama has passed the Metricfication Act, which will turn all road signs, labels and such into their equivalent metric units. The act puts nearly $500mn aside for a consumer awareness drive, and the repl...
Read full storyPot in Downing St Named Minister for Meals
LONDON - After intensive discussion with Samantha Cameron, David Cameron managed to make a pot in No. 10 Minister for Meals. The pot, A Tefal 87262/A, will be present at all Cabinet meetings and will take the spot next to David Cameron which is re...
Read full story"Where Are Smiley's Socks?" Expert Blasts Le Carre Archive
A top socks expert has slammed the lack of sock-related material in the John Le Carre literary archive. Le Carre, famous for creating spymaster George Smiley, has donated his literary archive to Oxford University's Bodleian Library. The collect...
Read full storyMark Lowton urges spoof writers to get writing quickly!
The eccentric, elusive editor of TheSpoof.com, Mark Lowton, has sent out an urgent plea for spoof writers to submit their stories quickly before the solar storm hits this world some time in the next couple of years. He told In Seine News today: "I...
Read full storyKelab
The first animal to be domesticated, from gray wolves, 15,000 years ago, is said to be the dog, or "Man's best friend". Amongst the various roles dogs have performed, definitely, aiding the handicapped is remarkable. However, there must a gene in the grey wolf that made this mutation possible. Besides, who benefited more from this domestication, the dog or the man? Moreover, one thing is clear...
Read full storyJemima Khan Denies She Was Excluded From The Royal Wedding Because She Remarked That Kate Middleton Recently Wore Socks That Did Not Match
LONDON - British socialite, human rights activist, and journalist Jemima Khan has denied that the reason she was not invited to Prince William and Kate Middleton's wedding on April 29, is because she recently told a reporter for Tickety Boo News that...
Read full storyElvis Lives! Emerges from 34 Year Exile to Bowl in Tournament.
Sydney, Australia: Competitors and spectators at a lawn bowls competition in the small New South Wales town of Parkes believe that they have today witnessed a resurrection of biblical proportions. Mr. Elvis Aron Presley, aged 76 and long thought...
Read full storyUK Response To Libyan Crisis Criticised
The Foreign Office is keeping its own counsel in response to widespread criticism at the "lukewarm" efforts made to fly stranded Britons back home. Unofficial reports indicate that 2 planes arrived in Tripoli yesterday but one was a two seater Ces...
Read full storyBodleian Library Given Le Carre Archive
John Le Carre, creator of fictional spy chief George Smiley, has donated his literary archive to Oxford University's Bodleian Library. The archive contains handwritten and typed drafts of his novels, including Tinker, Tailor, Soldier Spy, and priv...
Read full storyEqual Rights Uproar
The Equal Rights Commission is to sue any U.K. local authority education department which allows the use of the traditional poem "2 Little Dicky Birds" in the classroom. The ERC, which aims to 'combat discrimination and promote equality', is homin...
Read full storyNo Liverpool Debut For Carroll
Record Liverpool signing Andy Carroll will not be considered for the upcoming fixture with West Ham on Saturday. Interim manager Kenny Dalglish told the press that "although he's almost back to full training, Andy's not quite ready to make his deb...
Read full storyCeltic Coach In Conspiracy Claims
Celtic coach Alan Thompson has been fined £600 and banned from driving for 16 months after being caught one and a half times over the limit last October. While the coach pleaded guilty, his lawyer Gerard Branqueville is appealing against the convi...
Read full storyKristen Stewart's Left Nipple Slips Out During Her Interview With Piers Morgan
NEW YORK CITY - Kristen Stewart who is best noted for her role as Bella Swan in The Twilight Saga vampire movies appeared on Piers Morgan Tonight to talk about her upcoming movie with Vanessa Hudgens titled The Twillington Twins Traipse All Over Toky...
Read full storyChristina Aguilera Emails Broken Hearted David Archuleta A Dozen Photos of Her In A Teenie Weenie "String Bikini" To Cheer Him Up
LA BREA, California - David Archuleta is still devastated at being dropped by his record label Hand Jive Records. Luckily for Archie, he has a good friend in Christina Aguilera who helped pick up his down-trodden spirits by sending him several sex...
Read full storyLady Gaga's "Sexually Explicit" Commercial Earns Her $1 Million!
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Lady Gaga says that she can not believe the amount of money she can earn merely by posing in a sexually explicit manner. Lady G recently shot a one minute commercial for Supreme Skateboards in which the director, Tobin Dreamhauser...
Read full storyADA Warns Diabetics to Steer Clear of Watching American Idol
While watching a television show has never been linked to a risk of diabetes, the American Diabetes Association, after screening Wednesday's eliminations on American Idol, says that they did receive many calls from people with high blood sugar proble...
Read full storyLocal Man Has Fight With Train
It's just been announced that local man, Martin Shuttlecock, survived a terrifying ordeal on the morning of the 13th of January on his way to work. He hasn't made the story public until now, because it was quite traumatic, and because in his own words, he feels "a bit of a twat." The details of events leading up to the incident are quite complex, but Shuttlecock attempted to condense and presen...
Read full storyHull City To Return To Premier League?
Hull City, the team every football fan declared were his 'second team' when they played in the Premier League during 2008 and 2009 before they were relegated to the Championship, are on the verge of returning to the big time after an incredible run o...
Read full storyKate Middleton Dress Speculation Latest
Speculation over who will design the dress in which Kate Middleton will marry Prince William is reaching 'crescendo level' this week, after a host of top British designers met in London to discuss the project. Speaking backstage at the London Fash...
Read full storyTaylor Lautner, Chaske Spencer to Star in Adult Underground Comic-Based, "The Fabulous Fuzzy Freak Brothers"!
Actor Taylor Lautner will be starring in a new adult movie based on the old comic classics, "The Fabulous Fuzzy Freak Brothers" which is proving to be a very profitable trend of late. "It combines youth stars like Lautner and Chaske Spencer with o...
Read full storyThe King of Saudi Arabia Tells His Subjects to Eat Cake
King Abdullah, ruler of Saudi Arabia, declared the government's new Let them eat cake policy today to an angry mob in the Saudi capital, Riyadh. Every male Saudi Arabian subject will have a variety of delicious bakery goods to choose from. Ki...
Read full storyThe Oscars: Heidi the Cross-Eyed Opossum pisses on Nicole Kidman
Los Angeles - Is a squinty-eyed critter squirting on Nicole Kidman's picture some kind of psychic tip about Oscars Night glory? Online bookies Aintgottaprayer.con say Yes! and offer 2/1 for the Oz actress to scoop the Academy Award gong. The op...
Read full storyRiddle sends Julian Assange to Swedish Gitmo
London - The WikiLeaks publisher is hopping mad at losing an extradition fright at Belmarsh Magistrates Court today. Oddly-named Chief Magistrate Judge Howard Riddle told Assange "Hanging's too good for you!" and had him clapped in irons ahead of...
Read full storyGaddafi's face made of melted cheese
Libyan ruler Col Muammar Gaddafi has been battling to control the country's west as protesters consolidate eastern towns and foreigners continue to flee, however much less has been reported about the leader's battle to control his face. Ever since...
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