Obama to Convert United States to Metric System

Written by Inhopeless

Thursday, 24 February 2011

image for Obama to Convert United States to Metric System
I am 1.7m and 70kg. Work that out in your stupid archaic system

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Under Presidental Decree, Obama has passed the Metricfication Act, which will turn all road signs, labels and such into their equivalent metric units.

The act puts nearly $500mn aside for a consumer awareness drive, and the replacement of road and highway signs.

Many people are happy about the new scheme. "We've been teaching kids the metric system in schools for years," said New York schoolteacher Sam White, "and the kids just walk out and forget it - effectively failing Mathematics and Science subjects. If we turn the nation metric, then they'll pass more exams."

Obama stated that the move will 'bring America to world-class standards, using world-class units.' He pointed to the example of Ireland, who, until 2005, used the imperial system. After 2005, the change went smoothly.

America is one the few nations in the world to not accept the metric system as a unit of measurement.

He also stated that the fields of medicine, aerospace, science-based and engineering used metric, which would save a 'hell load of people' a 'hell load of extra learning'.

However, some are not happy.

"This is just Obama the Socialist," said Robert Carter, "The metric system is just another way of using commie-ness. Besides, you get less with metric."

However, Dr. Steven Bills disagrees.

"1kg [kilograms] is 2.2lbs. So if you asked for 2lbs of chocolate, but you mistakenly got 2kg of chocolate, you're effectively getting twice as much chocolate. Also, 15cm is 6 inches. If you tell a girl in a bar you're 15cm, she either may mistake that for 15 inches or think that 15cm is bigger than 6 inches. Either way, you win."

"also," he continued, "it makes sense that 0C (degrees Celsius) is the melting point of water, and 100C is the boiling point. Two common things there present in everyone's lives, so it makes sense."

Writers are also rejoicing. "I agree," said Frank Gill, "An inch is 2.5cm [centimetres]. An inch is a pretty big gap. But 1cm is tiny. So to say 'it missed him by a centimetre' is a lot closer. Hell, we could say 1mm [one millimetre], and that's the narrowest the human eye can see. Dramatic effect there."

If all goes to plan, by next week all shops, roads, and other things will be in metric.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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