Written by grimbo

Thursday, 24 February 2011

image for Celtic Coach In Conspiracy Claims

Celtic coach Alan Thompson has been fined £600 and banned from driving for 16 months after being caught one and a half times over the limit last October.

While the coach pleaded guilty, his lawyer Gerard Branqueville is appealing against the conviction on the grounds of entrapment.

Branqueville told the press yesterday that "my client is to appeal this charge as he firmly believes that the whole affair was part of the general conspiracy against his employers, Celtic Football Club, that is continuously being waged by the rest of Scottish football.

On this particular occasion my client feels that he was entrapped by a number of individuals who had disguised themselves in order to conceal their real motives.

Mr Thompson recalls , while drinking in the 'Flying Tumbler' hostelry in Bishopbriggs, a shady character wearing an unconvincing wig and handlebar moustache buying a number of large gin and tonics for him.

My client states that this character , in spite of this dubious disguise, bore more than a passing resemblance to a member of the press with whom Mr Thompson had a number of heated encounters during his spell as player with Celtic FC between 2000 and 2007.

My client also remembers being bought a pint of lager by another occupant of the same drinking establishment who possessed features akin to one Alistair McCoist - namely, he indulged constantly in witty banter and also had slightly chubby cheeks that inferred he was perchance losing his personal battle to lose weight.

In sum, Mr Thompson forcefully alleges that these persons willingly took advantage of his emotional fragility in the wake of his employers' 3-1 defeat that day at the hands of their bitter rivals, Glasgow Rangers FC and did conspire to manipulate my client into a state of over imbibing".

The Lord Advocate, Elish Angiolini, would not comment on reports that the appeal would be heard in the court of one Sheriff William King.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Stop - Warning

The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature.

This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

To confirm you have acknowledged this warning, and wish to continue to read the article, please click the following link.

Otherwise, please click here to go back to the home page.

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
35 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more