Radio 2 and Radio 1 presenters in mass brawl

Funny story written by Thomas Owen

Thursday, 24 February 2011


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Regular listeners to the BBC station "Radio 2" have been calling the broadcasting corporation's switchboard to query the absence of three regular presenters who have not been on the airwaves all week.

Zoe Ball is currently sitting in for Ken Bruce, Venessa Feltz for Jeremy Kyle and Chris Tarrant is manning the microphone for Steve Wright.

While it is not unusual for disc jockeys to occasionally take time off from their shows, the sudden and mysterious disappearance of all three daytime presenters has been causing speculation among the public about the reason for their unexpected departure.

The BBC has not been forthcoming with an explanation other than "they are on holiday", however footage from the security camera of a London nightclub has revealed that all three presenters were involved in a mass brawl on Sunday evening.

The footage clearly shows Bruce, Kyle and Wright seated in a private booth in the Soho club "Miss Funnypenny's" surrounded by 12 empty champagne bottles and one empty Jack Daniels bottle, all of which had been consumed in just two hours. At around 11:30pm Radio 1's Chris Moyles can be seen entering the booth and taking a seat.

Although no audio is provided, the body language of the Radio 2 presenters implies that Moyles made an inflammatory remark about Radio 2 which results in Bruce raising and pinning Moyles to the table. It is at this moment that Wright picks up the Jack Daniels bottle and makes to strike the trapped Radio 1 DJ while Kyle looks on shouts, apparently encouraging Wright.

Indeed it may have been Moyles missing from the airwaves were it not for "Comedy" Dave, a co-presenter from Moyles' morning show, stepping into frame and snatching the bottle from Wright before removing a cosh from his back pocket and striking Kyle with it.

Tina Dahely, who reads the sports news for the popular Radio 1 show, then enters the booth and traps Bruce in a headlock. At this point the security camera is knocked by a champagne bottle apparently thrown by Moyles and the outcome of the affray cannot be seen, however a spokesman for a local hospital confirmed that "three presenters were admitted early on Monday morning with severe injuries consistent with people involved in an extended fracas".

Moyles and his team arrived at the BBC early on Monday morning apparently without injury. A source working at the corporation told The Spoof that the presenters of the Radio 1 morning show were jubilant and were overheard remarking "The two in Radio 2 just means second place".

The BBC denies all knowledge of the clash between the disc-jockeys.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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