Spoofer In Prison, Stuck WIth Annoying Spoofer
BIRMINGHAM = Lady Godiva, cool person, was found in prison with insane person, Inhopeless. Both had been arrested on Slaying With Laughter, and are installed in the Chuckle Brothers Wing of HMP Selly Oak. "Luckily for us," she said, "they have...
Read full storyObituary Writer Dies in Mysterious Circumstances
The most wicked obituary writer in London has died in mysterious circumstances. He was found in a busy coffee shop at tea time with his veins drained entirely of blood. The murder by exsanguination is said to have happened while other customers...
Read full storyMicrosoft Come Out With Smart Enter/Return Key
PALO ALTO, CA - Microsoft may become the MySpace of the tech world if it doesn't up its game. People are turing to Linux instead of Windows 7, and don't even go there with the Xbox. However, Microsoft has come up with the smart enter key. "We'v...
Read full storyMan on the Street: China has $3 trillion Surplus
While most of the western world is up to its knees in debt, and some, like Ireland, have taken considerable measures, China, the world-second largest economy, has a surplus of $3trn. With that money, it could buy the entire United States Department of Defence plus its hardware, and still have enough money left over to pay off the debt of the PIGS (Portugal, Ireland, Greece, Spain) countries. W...
Read full storyDemi Lovato Confesses That She Is Passionately Torn Between Wilmer Valderrama and Joe Jonas
HOLLYWOOD - Demi Lovato was having dinner with her mom at The Grauman's Chinese Theater Diner when she was approached by a newspaper reporter. The reporter identified as Redwood Fingerboo with The Cucamonga Chit Chat Chronicle asked Demi about the recent rumors about her ex-boyfriend Joe Jonas, one/third of The Jonas Brothers Band. Demi blushed and said that she really did not want to talk a...
Read full storySpoofers Arrested Over Slaying With Humour
BIRMINGHAM - After a long flight Lady Godiva got down from the plane, and met her friend Inhopeless. After a short drive, both went into the city centre and into the Birmingham Rep Theatre. Not suspicious you say? Two hours later the two Spo...
Read full storyMedieval Times? Book 2 Knights get one FREE
Lady Godiva was extremely excited when she read an ad in the online Telegraph. A well-known hotel in Birmingham was offering a package deal...book 2 Knights get one FREE. She quickly got onto the telephone and called her Spoof friend, Inhopeless, who lives in Birmingham and asked him to book her in for the package. He kindly agreed to do so and was wondering why Lady G. sounded to friskily ex...
Read full storyGaddafi Goes into Hiding
In order to avoid capture from the rebels who have been harassing him for the past two months, the infamous dictator, Col Gaddafi has resorted to the demotion to the rank of corporal. Gaddafi told In Seine News: "I have been thinking about this fo...
Read full storyVast Snake Oil Reserves Discovered In Washington: Energy Worries Over
British Petroleum (BP) announced today that their geologic survey team discovered a vast pool of snake oil lying beneath the Washington, DC area, enough they say to take care of America's energy appetite for the next 80 years or so. This snake oil...
Read full storyChiswick Back To Normal After Spoof Summit
The leafy London suburb of Chiswick was recovering on Friday night following a summit meeting of soi-disant Spoofers. While security authorities had been warned in advance, they failed to have the meeting banned and the 'writers' met as planned at...
Read full storySo Longo, Mountain Bongo, in the Wrongo?!
The largest forest antelope, the Mountain Bongo, is almost certainly going to be come extinct. The native African species is projected to become extinct within the next 14 years, unless 'evolution' plays a blinder. Although the exploits of man hav...
Read full storyOldest man in the world dies after having sex!
The oldest man in the world was an American and now he's dead, his name was Walter (RIP) and his secret of longevity was sex! After his wife died in 1957 he vowed never to have sex again and practiced celibacy. But never envisaging that he woul...
Read full storySuperGod to Replace God
After months of anxious speculation last night saw the announcement that a SuperGod is officially set to replace God when he is decommissioned later in the year. She will be known as The Big G, and after undergoing rigorous trials in the US she w...
Read full storyDalai Lama to change his name
The Dalai Lama, his Holiness Tenzin Gyatso, has taken the radical option of changing his name by deed poll. From now on, he wants everyone throughout the world to refer to him simply as "Norman from Tibet". Speaking to news reporters and those...
Read full storyWorld's oldest woman dies at 145 after visiting the moon
Reports have reached the world through the British red-top tabloid press that the world's oldest woman, Mary Quite-Contrary has died in Somerset, England at 145, just after visiting the Moon. Lauded by millions of people as the word's oldest woman...
Read full storyWorld's Oldest Man Dies
Sad news today as the World's oldest man, Walter Breuning, died in America at the age of 114. He was well known for such sayings as 'We're all born to Die' and 'I'm ninety nine You Know' , and just recently said 'I'm One Hundred & Fourteen.'...
Read full storyBob Dylan disguise as Gaddafi tours Tripoli 'whistling Everybody Must Get Stoned'
Libya - Thronging pro-Gaddafi multitudes (sic) were left wondering if the Colonel's rendition of 'Rainy Day Women No. 12 & 35' is a call to mass lapidation of rebels in nearby Misrata. Sporting classic Dylanesque squashy porkpie hat and shades...
Read full storyDire Straits to reform
A communiqué from Mark Knopfler, lead guitarist and singer for the original sultans of swing, Dire Straits, has news for fans, and announced that he's fed up of earning money for nothing, and wishes to reform the band to make new music. The band...
Read full storyQueen 'is slowly bleeding to death:' reports
London - Has a Palace physician forgotten to remove a hirudo medicinalis - or medical leech - from the Queen's nasal passage? Red top fears for a right royal RIP are rife this weekend amid reports of HM's recent spate of nosebleeds. On Monday...
Read full storyEastwood Town denied a play-off spot
After languishing in the bottom half of the Conference North table for the first third of the season, Eastwood Town (whose nickname is Clint) finally got their act together and started stringing results together. With two weeks left in the season, th...
Read full storyGa Ga Comes Clean
As Superstar Lady Ga Ga releases her brand new album she revealed some astonishing secrets which are sure to create the wave of publicity that is so important to album sales. Lady Ga Ga, real name Maureen Milligan, was in fine form as she chatted...
Read full storyCalls for Jetpack to be Outlawed
It is called the The Martin Jetpack. You strap it on and fly away, as high as you dare. It is a 553lb, five-foot cube, with twin 1.7ft diameter Kevlar/carbon rotors powered by a 200bhp 2-litre V4 petrol engine. First seen in the James Bond movie "Thu...
Read full storyLusting
What is love? Can we really call a man's intensive feeling toward a charming female true 'Love'? Is sex-free spiritual affection, or rather Platonic Love, a true love? Is the less intensive feeling that one experiences right after sex still love? Never Mind. Some suggest that love can be defined if it is contrasted with its opposite, 'Hate'. Definitely, a father's feeling toward his young daug...
Read full storyMake a million dollars in fifteen minutes
A savvy woman made a million dollars by suing a prosperous internet dating site because she claims someone she met on the site abused her. The woman is known to have dated as many as 25 thousand men at her local bar, during the last 15 years.
Read full storyPolice Warning To Banned Fans
Police forces all over England and Wales have sent warning letters out to more than 200 people banned from attending this weekend's FA Cup semi finals at Wembley. Special plain clothes officers will mingle with the crowd and try to identify fans o...
Read full storyAmerican Idol Sends Paul "Crazy Legs" McDonald Home
HOLLYWOOD - And then there were seven (7). American Idol's Rod Stewart sound-a-like Paul McDonald was sent packing after the American Idol voters eliminated him. McDonald, who probably has the biggest most infectious smile of anyone to ever set fo...
Read full storyMore Bad News For Rangers
Hot on the heels of the news that UEFA may well order them to play games behind closed doors due to fans' sectarian chanting, Rangers were hit hit with a double blow that could well derail their Scottish Premier League chances. Long term absentees...
Read full storyScotland's Player Of The Year Nominations
Scottish journalists have announced the short list for the 2010/11 player of the year. The Top 4 are Celtic's Gary Hooper and Emilio Izaguirre, Rangers' Steven Naismith and Kilmarnock's Alexei Eremenko. There is no great surprise that the major...
Read full story2012 Grand National To Be Equipped With Drinking Stations
The Jockey Club has announced that, in the wake of the two deaths during this year's Grand National, improvements in horse welfare are to be made, including the provision of water stations around the four-mile Aintree course. Ornais and Dooneys Ga...
Read full storyCharlie Sheen Has A "Meltdown" On The Dr. Phil Show
LOS ANGELES - Dr. Phil host of The Dr. Phil Show recently had Charlie Sheen as his special guest. Sheen showed up to the show dressed up in the uniform of the Los Angeles Lakers. When Dr. Phil asked him why he replied that he wanted to show his su...
Read full storyWorld's Oldest Man, Walter Breuning, Dead
Walter Breuning, who up until last Thursday, was the world's oldest man at 114 years old, has died due to an undisclosed illness after, allegedly, ignoring expert medical advice. Breuning spent the last month of his life in a Great Falls hospital,...
Read full storyCheryl Cole's Titillating Tata's Accidentally Exposed As Her And Derek Hough Frolic Flirtatiously Down In St. Barts
ST. BARTS, West Indies - Cheryl Cole who has already been signed by Simon Cowell's 19th Hole Productions to be one of the judges on his new show X-Factor flew to the West Indies resort Island with her boyfriend and future-husband Derek Hough, one of...
Read full storySpoofing Community Worried About Spoofer After Narcissistic Turn
THESPOOF.COM, UNITED WEBSITES OF INTERNET - Inhopeless, spoofer galore, has incurred the worry of fellow spoofers after he appeared to be taken a narcissistic turn. "It's strange," said unknown/unseen spoofer Censored, "I've noticed an increase in...
Read full storyNina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder Respond To The Stunningly Steamy Marriage Rumors
LAS VEGAS - The stars of The Vampire Diaries Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder, who have been an item for some time now, were recently spotted cuddling like a couple of newlyweds at The Ravishing Risque Resort Hotel and Spa in Las Vegas. The two we...
Read full storyWill Teenage Sex Impregnate You? (Daily Mail-o-Matic Piece)
We here at the Daily Mail are the first to get you first-class news. Could teen sex impregnate you? Of course, it is common knowledge that babies come from storks, but... what if doing the nasty with a 15-year old could make one come out of one of you? SHOCKING! It's impossible! Well, according to a scientist, who was obviously trained by Europeans and uses the Communist metric system said that...
Read full storyBritain for Those Brought Up on Television
As a native Briton (that's like saying the Americans), I am British (that's like saying he is American). So, that makes me qualified to write this guide on Britain. Firstly, London is not interchangeable with Britain. People who are not Londoners (which is about 58 million) will get pretty pissed off. Also, England is not interchangeable with Britain. It's an understandable, but unforgivable...
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