Kirstie Alley Says That After Looking At Gabourney Sidibe She Feels Downright Anorexic!
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Kirstie Alley said that she really enjoyed the movie Precious starring Gabourney Sidibe, who was nominated for Best Actress but lost out to Sandra Bullock, the soon-to-be-ex-wife of Messy Jesse "The Whore Monger" James. Kirstie w...
Read full storyDancing with the Stars Begs Kate Gosselin to Come Back
In a rare, never before seen move on Dancing with the Stars, the show's producers are begging Kate Gosselin to come back and compete. "There's been a terrible mistake," said a spokesperson. "The judges were honestly under the assumption that they wer...
Read full storyDolly Parton Found Floating "tits up" and Plucked From Raging Nashville River!
Country Music Fans and Mammary Mavens breathed a sigh of relief today when the Coast Guard announced they had plucked Music Legend Dolly Parton from a partially submerged double wide where she had been clinging to the trailer hitch for the past 24 ho...
Read full storyMinnebago Homes Recalled After Sex Problems Emerge
In a report out in the Wall Street Journal this morning it predicts a recall of thousands of Minnebago Motor Homes even if they are not being driven around. "To our faithful customers, it has come to our attention that several of our motor homes,...
Read full storyHow to Prepare for the 2012 Apocalypse
Damn you Mayan calendar! In case you haven't heard, the year 2012 has been predicted to be a game changing year for our planet. The Mayan calendar does not go past the year 2012, leading plenty of logical people to believe that the end of civilization is right around the corner. Although there will be some vindication for crazy folk who rant all day about the apocalypse, the vast majority of hu...
Read full storyNew Video from Al Qaeda Claims Idiot Bomber Not Theirs
Somewhere in a Cave - A new video has been released by Al Jazeera that they claim has come directly from Osama bin Ladin in which bin Ladin emphatically states that in no way was the recent idiotic attempt to bomb NY the work of one of its operatives...
Read full storyGeneral Election voting called off
The Prime Minister, in a last ditch attempt to remain in power, er, no, in an attempt to appear transparent and fair, has decided that in order to save the country a fortune, the general election is being canceled in favour of a simple 1 hour electio...
Read full storyGeneral Patraeus Announces Launch of Operation Afghan Daisy Chain
WASHINGTON, D.C. - U.S. troops in Kandahar, the spiritual homeland of the Taliban, are preparing to launch what may very well be the most peaceful offensive yet in a conflict that has now lasted nearly nine years. Its aim is to weaken the grip of...
Read full storyCharles Darwin's Family Suffered From Inbreeding!
"Charles Darwin's family suffered from the deleterious effects of inbreeding, suggests a new study that serves as ironic punctuation to the evolutionary theorist's life work", according to a new report in Primates Magazine. "It's fascinating that...
Read full storyCheryl Cole Named The Sexiest Woman On The Planet
LONDON - Cheryl Cole was shopping at ASDA when she was informed that she had just been named by FHM Magazine as its 'Sexiest Woman on The Planet.' "Chezza" dropped a package of crumpets she was holding and remarked that she was surprised at winnin...
Read full storyDancing With The Stars: Evan The Ice Skater and The Sexy Anna Get Three Perfect 10's
HOLLYWOOD - Dancing With The Stars British Judge Len "The Old Geezer" Goodman stood up, did a cartwheel and told Olympic gold medal ice skating champion Evan Lysacek that he saw him skating on ice and he looked very nice, but watching him dance on wo...
Read full storyPresident Obama Names Vera Baker To Be His New Traveling Personal Assistant
SEATTLE - President Barack Obama spoke before the annual convention of The Retired Lumberjacks of The Northwest Order. He praised their hard work, their devoted work ethic, their ability to cut down a 70-foot pine tree in twenty seconds flat, and the...
Read full storyHitler's neuroticism followed gas attack
Hitler, it now appears was unfairly treated after he and his comrades fell victim to a gas attack in October 1918. He had been going about his business as a 'run of the mill' guy. Hitler, born in Austria, wanted to be an artist. Beaten by his...
Read full storyBanksy' Ancestor Faked 'The Turin Shroud'
Iconic graffiti artist, Banksy has astounded the world by revealing that his great, great, great, great, great grandfather, Giovanni de Banco, a 16th century Italian painter was responsible for making The Turin Shroud - probably the number one wonder...
Read full storyAre You A Russian?
Have you ever thought that you may in fact be a Russian? Are you a follower of Trotsky, or did you just love Dr Shivago? If so, you may really be a Russian. To help you find out if you really are a Russian, take the following test: 1) You are waiting at the bus stop in the morning. The bus arrives. Do you: a) Wait patiently in a queue until it is your turn; b) allow an old lady to go before y...
Read full storyTerrorists Target Mecca
Terrorists have caused mayhem and carnage with a series of suicide bombers up and down the UK at Mecca Bingo Halls. Al Qaeda have claimed responsibility, though some suspect that they would claim responsibility for a bus crash on the A1, because A...
Read full storySuBo 'bites' back!
Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loonies were last night arguing over her teeth, presumably having nothing better to do since their wealthy husbands are likely away on 'business'. "I refuse to accept she's had any work done on her teeth at...
Read full storyNick Jonas Deals With Fact That He Was Adopted
Nick Jonas, youngest of the three singers in the group The Jonas Brothers, although there is a younger son, told the press yesterday that he is doing pretty well with finding out that he was adopted. "Since I looked just like the other guys, it re...
Read full storyBloody diet gave me piles says Cheryl Colon
London - (Blood Sucker Mess): "Yeah, really piled on the £££s," the singer has told Halo! magazine amid reports she is being paid to promote the Bloody Hype Diet. "Of course, avoiding food also helps!" Cheryl chuckled showing off the size zero as...
Read full storyFake Head in Suitcase Gets Comedian Arrested
Police are still scratching their heads over an incident this past weekend that resulted in a woman being rushed to the emergency room and a comedian heading off to jail. "It was a spur of the moment thing, really," explained Shawn (not his real n...
Read full storyDerek Acorah Calendar 2011
Derek Acorah, the world famous physic medium is to take advantage of his phenomenal good looks, and produce a calendar for 2011, with him in various athletic and tasteful poses for each of the months. This particular calendar has a twist on ordina...
Read full storyVolcano grounds planes while oils slick docks boats, all travel cancelled
The UN President, Dr Ali Treki, has taken the unprecedented step of unilaterally stopping all forms of petroleum propelled propulsion in an effort to stem the spread of the planet damaging populous and their polluting by-products. The petrochemic...
Read full story"BLACKIE" The World's Worst Fiction Writing
"It was a dark and stormy night, but never like this. There's never been a dark and stormy night the like this doozey. Lemmie just say this was real dark and real stormy. It was so dark ya couldn't see a finger until it poked ya in the eye. So dark it was beyond black. So dark a 'darkie' looked white. I'll tell you mugs, that's dark. Hubba-hubba. Ya want dark & stormy? This is the real bees...
Read full storyRichard Dawkins calls for all atheists to pray for religious people
Richard Dawkins is a man on a mission, to save the planet from God, not actually God, but all the people that believe in him. He has noticed that over the years, most problems have been caused by religion and various belief systems and that the ma...
Read full storyBreath Un-fresheners to the rescue!
Ever been on a date and felt that you really did not want to be there, but didn't have the courage to tell your romancer? How about walking along a dark alley way heading home from the station and thought someone was following you perhaps to sex...
Read full storyNo more Twilight/Moonlight!
Readers, this is one story that has changed my life, my values and my ideas of reality.. On the evening of the full moon, Sunday 13th around 11.30pm I received an anonymous call, which led to a meeting in a scant, dark alley in the seedy side of West L.A. There as I waited, listening to my own heartbeat amongst the street sounds of human despair, a chill came over the alleyway, it b...
Read full storyThe Right Honourable Annie Portner-Storum talks about the Election
Being an expatriate Englishman who has lived in Australia for the past 17 years, I still take a great interest in the UK elections. This is year is no different. However, I am a bit out of the loop now, as I live so far away, so I thought I would get some inside information. I made a list of people to call to get some answers about how the modern system works. The first person that I rang was...
Read full storyRoman Catholic Church blames gulf oil slick on homosexuals
Benny, the magic pope, has called for all gay and lesbians to be arrested and searched for evidence of inherent gayness and proof that they are involved with the oil leek in the United S of A. It's is also said that he saw the word Allah spelled...
Read full storyCyborg Terminator Gordon Brown 2: The Bigoted Judgment Day
Rochdale, LANCASHIRE - A major agency whose business is finding look-a-likes of celebrities has scoured the whole country for a double of the 'unelected' Prime Minister Brown, but unusually without success. Being so wildly unpopular, means that a do...
Read full storyCountry Singer Chely Wright Comes Out of The Bunkhouse Closet: "Yep, I'm One of Dem Dang Lesbianites"
LAKE CHARLES, Louisiana - Country music singing sensation Chely Wright performed before a sell out crowd in Lake Charles at The Cajun Bayou Gator & Skeeter Arena. The 39-year-old Wright finished her last song and told the audience that she had...
Read full storyMexico Says It Will Arrest Any Tourists Who Are From Arizona
MEXICO CITY - In a politically motivated move that has been both applauded and criticized, the government of Mexico has just mandated that all Mexican law enforcement officers have been instructed to stop any and all American tourists and ask to see...
Read full storyThere's a new religion in town
A new religion has arisen in Europe,according to theologian Dr Ibeleefin Anyfinn and it threatens the big two Dogmas in town,and they are not happy! The new religion called "Ireckonism" was originally formed in Australia. Worshipers of Ireckon...
Read full storyTaylor Swift arrested for "Over exposure" says Nashville coppers
NASHVILLE TN (ABSNN) - Country music songbird, Taylor Swift, 19, was arrested by members of the Country Music Hall of Shame this afternoon, taken in by the Nashville cops, for the crime of "Over exposure," sources say. Often called the hardest wor...
Read full storyHarvey Keitel Hooked on Real Housewives of New Jersey
There ain't gonna be no reason not to watch the Real Housewives of New Jersey--or "Housewifes," as it's affectionately known in Jersey-again this season because, true to form, the bitches are back and meaner than ever. Even Harvey Keitel, known well...
Read full storyMexican food chain to Start Selling Lower Grade Beef, Somehow
IRVINE, CA - Mexican food chain Baco Tell announced an agreement today with a beef processors to begin selling a beef that is somehow of lower quality than what is currently offered at the restaurant chain. The deal was promoted as an effort to cont...
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