NFL Says Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders to Go Topless for National Breast Appreciation Day
Monday Night Football on September 28th will be the concluding event in the day long celebration of National Breast Appreciation Day. To conclude the huge festivities, the NFL has announced that the Dallas Cowboy and Carolina Panther Cheerleaders wi...
Read full storyArmy equips detainees with remote controlable brain attachments
Guantanamo Bay, Cuba - News has leaked out through the communist grapevine, via Pedro Sanchodiaze here, that the Guantanomo Bay detainees have been released among the general population of Cuba, but sporting new additions to their heads. These, ac...
Read full storyTourists crowd to see giant Texan baby
AUSTIN, Tx - A giant newborn Texan has become a tourist attraction, with thousands of people crowding a hospital to see the 87 kilogram (192 pound) baby boy, his mother said Friday. Billy Jo Bubba, Texas's heaviest-ever baby, who is 620 centimetre...
Read full storyAIDS Vaccine Shows Positive Gains Via Negative Results
NEW YORK - A new AIDS vaccine study shows promising results. Even though the new vaccine does not prevent a person from getting aids, or cure a person with aids, it can help to prevent the spread of the disease. It works by amplification of the d...
Read full storyShould have called the band The Doctors 'N' Nurses!
Los Angeles - (Nudge-Nudge, Wink-Wink): Scandalised The Mamas & The Papas fans were still reeling today following Mackenzie Phillips' shock revelations about her pervy Dad. Some however sided with her Mom whose point of view basically is WTF??...
Read full story"Every Penny is Worth a Dollar" Day
To help in this struggling economy, the U.S. congress has passed a new stimulus project. They set aside a special day of the year in which every penny would suddenly be worth a dollar. "We couldn't believe the success of this program", said one se...
Read full storyUNFPA to open thousands of aspartame feeding stations to end hunger
NEW YORK - The UN security council announced today that it was ending world hunger. Around the world, thousands of aspartame feeding stations will be set up where hungry people will be given bowls full of pure aspartame to eat. Experiments have s...
Read full storySpate of terrorism arrests not connected to terrorism, say analysts
Pony Express Service - In the past week, U.S. marshals have announced charges in twenty terrorism probes in twenty states. It is a bunch of cases. Its more than we have seen since 9-11. However analyst Jim Jones, of the CIA, says not to try to fit...
Read full storyBald, bankrupt and bonkers!
London - (Reuterus): It was the last straw. A furious Buckingham Palace resident leech was on the blower to PM Gorgon Brown today after bankers Cuntts & Co bounced her cheque to royal wigmakers Try-Co-Logica. HM the Queen has already had to c...
Read full storyIceland monetizes whalemeat
Reykjavík - News on the warf from the fishing captain of the Smelly Gut fishing vessel here, Captain Vjernikisivk is that his whalemeat is soon to be the coin of the realm. With the demise of the Icelandic monetary system, and the closing of all...
Read full storyFBI 'Most Wanted' James Bulger issues Jackson story rebuttal
New York - (Rotters): Octogenarian racketeer, conspiracist, extortionist, money launderer and Bush Family hedge fund bagman James 'Whitey' Bulger is livid. Someone has blown his Pentagon ID of the last 40 years and named him as the man that Michae...
Read full storyMackenzie Phillips' "Abstinence Begins at Home" PSA Spot Considered too Controversial?
Los Angeles, California - The 10-second public service announcement (PSA) featuring Mackenzie Phillips standing in front of a giant poster sized photograph of now deceased father, John Phillips, engaged in an innocent kiss on the cheek was pulled by...
Read full storyShocking Update: Neanderthals Insult Brits
London - Elizabeth Morton of Duck Pound had just parked her car when a loud voice called out to her, "You call that a dress dearie? Good God, it makes you look so fat!" Turning around she saw the voice belonged a teenage female Neanderthal seat...
Read full storyArchaeologists find evidence Stonehenge 'was primitive hedge fund HQ'
Salisbury Plain - (Off-the-Wall-Street): The astrologically-aligned prehistoric erection was the sixth century BC Royal Privet Council's equivalent of Fort Knox. It traded in the emerging markets of post-deluvian Druidic tinfoilhatters and stored...
Read full storyUS discover Iraqi Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iran and promise to "Nuke" the joint
Saddam Hussein's WOMD's have now turned up in the deserts of arch fiend Iran. George Bush and his US "Supertroopers" were always convinced that Iraqi WOMD's existed and now after searching Arabian countries high and low for them, they have discovered...
Read full storyMacy Gray AKA "The Bleep-Bleep Girl" Reflects On Being Ousted From Dancing With The Stars
CLEVELAND - Macy Gray who was the first female contestant to be sent home from this year's edition of Dancing With The Stars says that she has gotten over her initial disappointment, disgust, and anger. The Ohio native was speaking from her backst...
Read full storyFamous Magician Appears At Bigfoot Location
After vanishing nearly a year ago, a famous magician reappeared today. Arte Cromweiler disappeared during a live performance in mid-December of last year, seemingly without a trace, and reappeared today, surprising a family of Norwegian vacationers.
Read full storyEnglish Airways copy Brian Air and charge you extra for a seat!
Britain's least favourite airline, English Airways, who are deep in debt, have introduced new charges for their seats. This means punters can only buy standing only tickets on their flights from, say, London to Sydney, for example and pay extra for t...
Read full storyKanye West Ban from Little Joey Goldberg's Bar Mitzvah
Los Angeles, California - Continuing his reign of domestic terror, Kanye West was last seen being ejected from Little Joey Goldberg's Bar Mitzvah at the Masonic Temple off Wilshire blvd., Los Angeles, California. He was forcibly removed after he took...
Read full storyTainted dollars recalled on swine flu contamination fears
WASHINGTON DC - The Federal government, according to my confidential source in the White House, is about to recall all paper currency after a study by scientist Dr. Tim Gaferinioti concluded that paper currency in the United States is contaminated wi...
Read full storySchoolchildren In Video Taught To Praise Chairman Mao...I Mean Obama
A video showing elementary school students learning songs of praise for President Barack Obama for his "greater than great accomplishments" and efforts to "continue to be greater than all the other's combined" is generating anger from many Americans...
Read full storyScientist Discover The Most Remote Spot On Earth - And Surprisingly It's Not Amy Winehouse's Bedroom
ATHENS - Archipelagoian scientists have named the island of Tristan Da Cunha as the most remote spot on earth. The island which is situated 1,740 miles from Cape of Good Hope, Africa was first discovered by Dutch explorer Tristan Da Cunha, 39, on...
Read full storyKate Winslet, Michelle Obama, Pee Wee Herman Make Peephole's Best-Dressed List!
British actress Kate Winslet came out as the best dressed star in Peephole Magazine's "The Ten Best-Dressed Stars" with U.S. First Lady Michelle Obama chosen for "best accessible glamor and Pee Wee Herman, or Paul Reubens, with his snazzy outfit just...
Read full storyCalling All PBS Perverts!
Have you ever been bad in the Badlands? Sowed your seed at Lake Mead? Had a hot time at Hot Springs? Gotten laid in the Everglades? If so, Ken Burns wants to talk to you. Burns, the respected pixie-haired documentary filmmaker, is already busy with the sequel to his sure-to-be-a-blockbuster on the U.S. National Parks, which premieres this weekend on PBS. The follow-up film will have the wo...
Read full storyRussia's Richest Man Buys The New Jersey Nets
MOSCOW - The richest man in Russia, Mikhail Prokhorov has just informed The Moscow Morning Comrade that he will be purchasing The New Jersey Nets of the NBA. Prokhorov (which is pronounced Mon-ey) is listed in National Geographic as The Richest M...
Read full storyFinder Of Ancient Cache Of Gold Disappears
It's an unprecedented find that could revolutionize ideas about medieval England's conquering Germanic rulers all the way back to the fifth century", stated Roger Bland who managed the cache of gold and silver's found Tuesday. An amateur treasure-...
Read full storyGeldof Sick of Scroungers
Sir Bob Geldof has sensationally announced he is sick of poor nations scrounging from him or asking him to organise charity events for them. Sir Bob explained "Why d'you think I (beeping) dress like this? Why do you think my (beeping) hairs like...
Read full storySen. John Edwards' Aide Writes A Tell-All Book, "The Political Baby"
CHARLOTTE, North Carolina - Long time Senator John Edwards political aide Andy Oldenburger has just written a riveting expose on the man whom he looked upon as a brother. Oldenburger, who was in charge of Senator Edwards' 2008 political campaign b...
Read full storyUmpa Lumpa's Strike Back!
Workers at the famous Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory went on strike this morning due to the recent announcement that Mr Wonka is planning on replacing the traditional Umpa Lumpa's with a newly developed strain of Super Umpa Lumpas. Our inside so...
Read full storyTaliban Releases Video of More US Kids Singing Praises of Obama!
Kabul, Afghanistan/ al Jazeera Entertainment Section - Following closely on the heels of shocking footage of New Jersey elementary school kids lined up in close order chanting catchy jingles for Barack Hussein Obama, the Taliban today released even m...
Read full storyMore daft rubbish amid 'Jackson wanted to heal Bulger killers' claims
Merseyside - (Rotters): Posthumous gong peddlers in the Saint Michael Jackson camp are straining a very fragile credulity of the singer's canonization campaign with their latest fantasy wind-up. "Michael wanted to meet with little James Bulger's k...
Read full storyFarting to be banned; no more smellies
New York, Thursday: Following a unprecedented gathering of world leaders at the UN building in New York, a formal treaty was agreed to banning farting in most of the world's nations. US President Barack Obama chaired the special meeting convened...
Read full storyU.S. Charges 'Afghan Stan' With Bombing Pot
NEW YORK (Stoned Monk Press) - A Nevada bus-station shuttle-bus driver was arrested under feral terrorism laws with plotting to set off stink bombs in the station and accused of acquiring the same stink-bomb making materials used in most high schools...
Read full storyUN council endorses nuclear curbs
New York NY - The UN Security Council has unanimously adopted a resolution calling for SUV neutering, in a session chaired by US President Barack Obama. The resolution calls for further efforts to stop the spread of those silly balls that hang dow...
Read full storyHugo Chavez Lets One Rip at U.N. General Assembly
Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez delivered an address to the United Nations Thursday, then delivered a crack rattler that replaced the "smell of hope" at the world body with a much more pungent aroma, said witnesses. "It most certainly does not sm...
Read full storyGreenland Icecap Melting Again and Again
Washington DC: It was a slow news day in the capital, hence the newspaper headline "Greenland Icecap Melting." Never mind that the oceans have not risen substantially over the years! A few years earlier in response to a similar headline, Professor...
Read full storyMinus Posh Spice - Plus Size Susan Boyle
London - Former Spice girl - Scary Spice - is anxious to get the other Spice Girls together for one last show during the World Cup in South Africa next summer. She has already gotten Ginger Spice - Baby Spice and Sporty Spice all excited about the i...
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