WASHINGTON DC - The Federal government, according to my confidential source in the White House, is about to recall all paper currency after a study by scientist Dr. Tim Gaferinioti concluded that paper currency in the United States is contaminated with the dangerous and deadly Swine flu virus and death dealing aspartame powder.
Banks are staying open twenty four hours to serve as collection stations for the currency, now ruled to be medical waste.
Regional incineration stations will be operating around the clock to keep up with the flow of currency.
According to Dr. Gaferinioti, the hundred dollar bills are the most heavily contaminated and it is most urgent to turn these in as soon as possible.
Government officials became suspicious that the currency might be contaminated when banking employees started acting like pigs.
