Written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 25 September 2009

image for Macy Gray AKA "The Bleep-Bleep Girl" Reflects On Being Ousted From Dancing With The Stars
Macy Gray's newly adopted cat which she has named "Bleep-Bleep."

CLEVELAND - Macy Gray who was the first female contestant to be sent home from this year's edition of Dancing With The Stars says that she has gotten over her initial disappointment, disgust, and anger.

The Ohio native was speaking from her backstage dressing room after having just performed before a sellout crowd of 18,000 at Cleveland's famed Ohio Blue Tip Kitchen Matches Arena.

Gray, who at 6 foot 3 can be a very intimidating woman said that when host Tom Bergeron first announced her name as the first woman contestant being sent home she came very close to pulling a "Kanye West."

She said that she was about half a second from reaching over and snatching the microphone from Bergeron's hand. But she said that she looked over at her mom, who was sitting in the audience and she did not do it for fear of embarrassing her.

Macy, entertainment critics and reporters all agree, is perhaps the contestant who in the entire nine-year history of DWTS has smiled the least. Even second season contestants Shaquile O'Neal and Rush Limbaugh managed to smile at least two or three times, albeit Shaq's quasi-smiles were during commercial breaks.

Neo-soul singer Gray said that being on the show was the least fun she has ever had. She said that when she was nine-years-old she went to the dentist and had all four of her wisdom teeth removed, and that as painful as that was, it did not compare with the pain she felt at being on that 'lily-white' dancing stage.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: And it should be pointed out that Macy had her four wisdom teeth removed without the aid of any type of shot to deaden her gums. She said that the reason was because her family was so poor that they could not afford to pay the extra $17 for the gum deadening shot.]

Macy was asked if there was anyone on the show who she liked. She thought about it for a second and replied that she liked Dallas Cowboy receiver Michael Irvin.

When asked if it was because he was the only other black on the show Macy replied, "Yeah. That and the fact that he lent me $700, which I will be paying back in two weeks."

Macy said that she absolutely hated the British judge Len Goodman. She said that up front and in person he looks horrible. She said that his teeth look like pinto beans, he wears a toupee that he probably bought at a 'It's All One Dollar' store, and his nose is humongous.

Gray pointed out that if Goodman and Amy Winehouse were to stand facing each other, with the tips of their noses touching there would be about ten feet of room between their crotches.

The lady from Ohio said that the show's censor Lars Acushnet was the one who nicknamed her the "Bleep-Bleep" girl. She said that the day before the live show she overheard Acushnet and the show's director Mason Kippflavor laughing about her nickname as they were having lunch.

She walked over to their table and she grabbed the tuna melt sandwich that Kippflavor was eating and she stuck it down the front of his slacks.

Acushnet quickly put down his salami and raisin club sandwich and ran out the door. Her dance partner Jonathan Roberts chased her down and told her to please put down the gold club that she had picked up from the cafeteria.

Macy told a reporter for USA Today that she wanted to dispel the rumor that during one of the rehearsals she had actually bit Jonathan.

She said that she came real close to biting him, but that he managed to run into a nearby closet and lock the door.

The popular hip hop singer who was named the number one hip hop artist in Kenya, Botswana, Uganda, and Harlem said that she has never in her life seen so many backstabbers.

She said that Bruno Tonioli, who she calls the Sicilian Sissy wears more makeup than Carrie Ann Inaba. Gray also noted that Bruno shaves his legs, drinks Mimosa Daiquiris, and smokes Virginia Slims Cigarettes.

In closing Macy Gray said that her big brother Bloomingdale Gray, who works in a Cleveland Velcro factory, has convinced her to enter the anger management program that the producers of Dancing With The Stars said they would provide for her.

In a related story. DWTS director Mason Kippflavor has reportedly dropped the assault charges he had filed against Miss Gray.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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