Tiger, Shark Protest PGA Removal Of All Players With Animal Names After Animal Rights Lawsuit!
"There's nothing we can do about it", stated PGA commissioner Franklin Lloyd Withers. "We have been sued by the animal rights people and cannot have players with animal names anywhere in our tournaments, beginning in 2010." But both Tiger Woods an...
Read full storyEllen DeGeneres married to Portia de Rossi
New York- Ellen DeGeneres is planning a huge wedding. She will marry lipstick lesbian Portia de Rossi. DeGeneres announced the wedding during a taping of her talk show. DeGeneres said she and girlfriend de Rossi ("Ally McBeal," from "Nip/Tuck") wo...
Read full storyBrown: "Driving spikes into your Cerebrum and slicing off your balls is preferable to enduring another Saturday night of those gurning Irish C*nts"
Prime Minister Gordon Brown spoke as "da hood" was in mourning tonight after the shock success of those twin shits, who are believed to be more stubborn to remove than Cockroaches after a Nuclear strike, who ousted fan favourite Rachel in tonight's r...
Read full story'2009' by Prince Charles to be a Christmas single
Prince Charles, taking a break from saving English architecture and saving endangered animals, today gave the press a preview of his forthcoming Christmas single: 'One was dreaming when one wrote this Forgive me if my first wife went astray But when I was woken up by servants this morning I wished it were Coronation Day My clothes were all gold and purple There were people cheering every...
Read full storyMetropolitan Police issue pellet guns to officers
In a stinging U turn, Metropolitan Police officials have confirmed the issue of 'Ball Bearing' sidearms to be issued to all London Cops. This controversial weapon deployment is in quick succession to this weeks U turn on the routine arming of the...
Read full storyMan Sells His Collection Of Chocolate Pudding Skins To 'Ripley's Believe It Or Not'
Tampa, FLA - A Delaware man, Daniel Fleming, whose speciality is incorporating businesses for tax purposes has sold his 43 year old collection of chocolate pudding skins to Ripley's Believe It Or Not for $500,000 US. Mr. Fleming has indicated that...
Read full storyNaked Romps, Substance Abuse Of Stars Now Affecting Everyday Americans
The constant reading of magazines and articles on the internet, such as this one, is the major cause of many Americans going out and drinking and shedding their clothes. "I quit wearing panties after that article and pic of Britney", stated one 84...
Read full storyWhere's Osama?
British illustrator Martin Handford plans on following the success of his Where's Waldo children's books with a new series called Where's Osama?. The Where's Osama? books will follow the format of the hugely successful Where's Waldo series and con...
Read full storyAmy Winehouse Calls The Police On Boyfriend
"He's hexed me! He's hexed the house! He's into Voodoo!" came into the police station for the tenth time, all from a caller identifying herself as Amy Winehouse. Amy, who's latest beau is Percy Lance of the Hard Rock group "Fireprick Skinheads", a...
Read full storyBordello Falls: Despite Apathy, Saga Continues: Chapter 11
Recap: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8| Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 Bordello Falls Gazette editor, publisher, and paper boy Abel Rodriquez looked forlornly at his latest edition, down to 2 pages, with only a handful of advertisers. "We either have to have a few more murders, a dirty political campaign for Mayor, or I'm going to have...
Read full storyBig Tent Party..to Circus Tent Party...to Pup Tent Party...GOP goes from "NO" to Zero...Didn't Pass Go
A memo leaked from the Republican National Committee notes that the GOP is shrinking dramatically in size. "We are now more like the pup tent party...not the big tent party"....notes the memo. "We must seize on our strengths....our individualism, and...
Read full storyChinese Win New Moon Race
The race to the 'new moon' ended yesterday when Chinese astronaut Yao-Li confirmed to a press conference in Beijing that China had beaten the U.S. to the new moon. A flurry of questions followed. Journalists were skeptical as there hadn't been a...
Read full storyRoger Ebert Out Four Weeks With Thumb Injuries
A spokesman for movie critic Roger Ebert says the reviewer will be out three to four weeks due to both his thumbs being broken by the monetary backers of a movie he totally destroyed on August 11th. "It's all part of the game", stated Ebert in a l...
Read full storyCandy Corn Fans Competeing with Candy Ethanol Producers
Worries of a candy corn shortage are gripping the nation as fans of the Halloween staple compete with alternative energy producers for the scrumptious commodity. Candy ethanol producers have been using more and more candy corn during the past thre...
Read full storyDay of the Damned: Illuminati split on Monday's Hunters Moon/Beavers Moon omens
London - (Dark Side of the Moonies): "It's the World War I numeorology that's cracking them up," a Hellfire Club bouncer warned today ahead of Monday's 19.14GMT lunation. The cult grandees' secret conclave has been in freefall ever since NASA bomb...
Read full storyThe Whiners new nonprofit group growing fast
DENVER, CO - According to General Accounting Office spokesperson, Mr. Noe I. Tall, the fastest growing nonprofit corporation in American today is a relatively new group called The Whiners. This group has nothing to do with the Shriners, a well esta…
Read full story"Scoop" Afghanistan elections, main rival pulls out and allows Kabul GOAT to take his place!
As the world awaits with baited breath the second round of "non-corrupt" elections in Afghanistan a disaster has happened, main presidential rival Dr.Abdullah has pulled out, SHOCK, HORROR! This has left a void and no main candidate to compete aga...
Read full storyEx Actor Smacks Her Ex on X-Factor
Amid chaotic scenes during the live screening of X-Factor last night, contestant Lucie Jones sensationally lashed out with a right hook aimed at judge Louis Walsh. The pugilistic interlude happened halfway through the singer's heart rending renditio...
Read full storyGood news: Sir Elton not ill but pregnant
Sir Elton John, aged 62, is pregnant with his first child. Said a spokesperson for the singer: "Vow! This is super great! Elton and his husband, David Furnish, are over the moon. This is a dream come true for both of them." It is understood tha...
Read full storyObama denies four hour Kidnap ordeal
Barrack Obama has denied he was kidnapped by a 9 year old Halloween Pirate Boy. He says the one million pound cheque that was given to Jack the Scottish Pirate was simply given to him to help him fund his space trip to Mars to fight the Giant Worms...
Read full storyLiverpool name 'Strictly Come Dancing' as new manager
After another woeful performance, this time against Fulham, Liverpool have named their third manager this season. In an attempt to win both points and reverse the flagging morale at Anfield, Liverpool have gone for the tried and tested skills of the...
Read full storyMcDonald's Customer Wins Nobel Peace Prize
DANBURY, Connecticut--In a stunning move being hailed as a "call to action" by the controversial Nobel Prize committee, Brian Sayler, who received pickles on his Big Mac despite his request that it have no pickles, ate the sandwich anyway on his way...
Read full storyDoctors to Attempt Removal of Ann Coulter's Adam's Apple
Unwed, Bible-Humping, "I want sex", Christian Conservative Ann Coulter revealed today that she plans on undergoing a delicate procedure to remove her Adam's Apple in an effort to attract a mate. "I think God made a mistake by giving me this Adam's...
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