London - (Dark Side of the Moonies): "It's the World War I numeorology that's cracking them up," a Hellfire Club bouncer warned today ahead of Monday's 19.14GMT lunation.
The cult grandees' secret conclave has been in freefall ever since NASA bombed their 'lunar Stonehenge' temple on 9 October.
To fend off a total schizm the Illuminati have been ordered to prepare for their octogenarian torchbearer's ritual sacrifice.
This must take place under tomorrow's Hunters Moon - or Blood Moon/Beavers Moon as it is known - to preserve Goddess of the Hunt Princess Diana's Merovignian bloodlines.
"Damned Split Beavers Moon twaddle" the Archbishop of Canterbury's proctologist hissed as Wills' and Harrys' DNA tested negative for Droit de Seigneur and knobless oblige.
The conjunction of Buckingham Palace ley lines configures at 9.11 degrees of the Rattlesnake Nebula.