Davos demands recapitalisation over wine riot
Representatives at this year's Davos conference are rioting, according to Twitter reports from the Swiss resort. A series of meetings have been placed at risk after delegates have taken to violence over bar bills. At a meeting dubbed Banking Af...
Read full storyColin Montgomerie To Become Fattest Europe Ryder Cup Captain
Colin Montgomerie, the portly 51-year-old Scot, has won the fight to become the European Ryder Cup captain for the championship to be staged in Wales in 2010, and will be the fattest man ever to do so. He is even fatter than Ian Woosnam! Monty,...
Read full storyEntire US Economy Is A Giant Ponzi Scheme
The judge in the Bernie Madoff trial has dismissed the case against the swindler who bilked clients in a $50 billion Ponzi scheme when his lawyers presented evidence that the entire US economy is based on the same scheme. "The whole schmiel is...
Read full storyObama confirmed for Glastonbury
Michael Eavis, founder of the Glastonbury festival, has managed to pull off another amazing booking for the Glastonbury headliner as recently inagurated President Barack Obama was confirmed as playing the 2009 concert. A number of people had quest...
Read full storyLower League Footballer In Test Result Shocker
An anonymous professional footballer, currently playing in the lower leagues of the English divisions, has sent shock waves through the footballing world by passing the theory part of his driving test at the FIRST attempt. The young Einstein has...
Read full storyMcCain finally wins Presidency
John McCain, 92, the former Republican candidate for the Presidency, can finally refer to himself as "President McCain" from today. Whilst it may not be the President of the United States as he had hoped last year, he has today been elected Presid...
Read full storyEverton FC new striker
Everton Football Club tonight fielded one of the supporters following the team in the ground. This comes as a result of the injury crisis currently gripping the club's strikers. With Yakubu, Saha and Vaughan all on the sidelines, Manager David Mo...
Read full storyColin Powell Admits His Disdain For President G.W. Bush
HARLEM, New York - Colin Powell who served as secretary of state in the George W. Bush administration has revealed that he never really liked G.W. He stated that from their very first meeting, at an Arby's restaurant in Dallas, he resented the fac...
Read full storyWoman With Perfect Breasts Refuses To Get Them Out For The Lads
In a startling revelation today, Mr Jack Scrumptious told this reporter that his girlfriend had the most perfect pair of breasts in the world. "They're absolutely perfect," Mr Scrumptious told us. "They're firm, they're bouncy, they're pert and a...
Read full storyWashingtonian: "I Think Something Big May Have Happened Last Weekend"
Dave Hurley, 36, thinks something big may have happened last weekend. Hurley, who rents a small studio in Dupont Circle, noticed a massive swell of people from the 17th to the 20th. "It was so weird," he recounted. "I looked out my window on Tuesd...
Read full storyDick Cheney Still Appearing Around White House
President Barack Obama says he's getting a little tired of hearing his girls, Sasha and Malia, talk about "Uncle Cheney"! "My daughter Sasha told me last night that he had read them a story about "Uncle Cheney's Cabin". Although Obama has calle...
Read full storyFor Sale sign appears in the Gaza
Estate agents Roquet & D'Iptherius today put up the Gaza Strip for sale, and a huge, dark green sign was put up on top of the ruins of a school, with the cleverly-worded phrase 'For Sale' written on it. The sign was soon shot down by an Israeli s...
Read full storyTARP Fails! O'Bama Calls for "Lebensraun," Invades Mexico and Canada!
From Somewhere in a Bunker/ Late Breaking War News - The US Supreme Commander in Chief, Gen. Barry O'Bama declared his economic policies a disaster after only 7 days, and instead launched 2 lightning military strikes to unify the country and provide...
Read full storySeptic Finger Outbreak On Merseyside
NHS bosses today convened an extraordinary meeting following what can only be described as an epidemic of septic finger outbreaks on Merseyside. "The red half of Merseyside is bricking it," hospital administrator Wack McSoflaar told us. "Reds are...
Read full storyStealers Arrested in Tampa
TAMPA BAY, Fl. Tuesday - In a news conference, the Tampa Police Commissioner stated that "We have arrested several well known stealers as they tried to enter the city." "We believe they were planning a big job on Sunday," he said, "And we have a...
Read full storyIMF Report Says UK 'Buggered'
The International Monetary Fund today released its latest damning figures, with Britain showing as worst-placed to endure the global economic downturn. The startling report by the IMF states baldly that the UK economy will contract by 2.8% in 2009...
Read full storySarah 'Barracuda' Palin link to new Mossad farce as 'massive' $600m London Stock Exchange fraud busted
London - (Ponzi Scam Mess): Alaska Governor Sarah 'Barracuda' Palin has been fingered as the mystery cyber-clue to a 'massive' $600 million London Stock Exchange fraud. This connects her to Off-the-Wall-Street Ponzi scam artist Bernie Madoff and...
Read full story200 million pound bail-out for shoe industry
An unusual early victim of the recession the shoe industry is falling fast into place behind retail and the car industry in the list of economic bail-out-ees. The industry is estimated to have made almost no profit in the past year and with shoe supe...
Read full storyHitler's vegetarianism reason for genicide; Wayne Rooney not Space Monkey!
It has been discovered by scientists yesterday, after 40 years of research and £1,000,000,000,000 of taxpayer's money, that the reason for Adolf Hitler's genicide could have been attributed to the fact that he was vegetarian. Apparently, in 1925 (...
Read full storyAmerican home boss charged with 300,000 murders
The co-manager of the United States of America, George H Bush, has been charged with murdering 300,000 Middle Eastern civilians that were in his care. Mr. Bush is accused of the deaths of this number of people, and his plea of 'only doing it in th...
Read full storyGreen Satellites
Japan, Europe and America are all launching satellites with the express aim of watching Earth's atmosphere to keep an eye on greenhouse gases like carbon dioxide and methane. The first to go up was the Gosat satellite in Japan, launched this week...
Read full storyHull City And Millwall Fans To Protest Against 'Modern Game'
After last weekend's scenes of terrifying mindless violence and seat-throwing at the FA Cup fourth round tie between Hull City and Millwall, 'men' associated with both clubs have this morning announced that they are to stage protests against the Mode...
Read full storyObama to tackle Bermuda Triangle problem
President Barack Obama, USA president, announced today that a major issue of concern for this administration will be the Bermuda Triangle and its inexplicable effects on sections of the American economy. Providing evidence of increasing numbers o...
Read full story1966 World Cup Final to be replayed
In order to settle, once and for all, the dispute over England's controversial win in the 1966 World Cup final over Germany, the game is to be replayed. FIFA, the world football association, has got cheesed off with the constant bickering over Geo...
Read full storySix Seized in $600m Stock Scam
Spanish Police have arrested six men as part of an investigation into a $600m (£450m) fraud perpetrated against the London Stock Exchange. The international investigation, involving all European police forces and Interpol, has been ongoing since t...
Read full storyAmy Winehouse 'much better' & eager to record
Enjoying a well-earned 3-month recuperation in Tahiti, Amy Winehouse is gregarious and laughing again. The troubled songstress has had enough 'rehab', has turned her back on black and is now virtually tee-total; she looks contented holding the arm of...
Read full storyAsda Offers Job Help to Bankers
Supermarket titan Asda has offered a lifeline to bankers left redundant as a result of the economic crisis, with the announcement of new employment opportunities. Asda said "we are delighted to be helping out bankers in their current straitened ti...
Read full storyHamas Accuses Israel of Bioterrorism
After weeks of massacre and mayhem followed by an uneasy truce, Hamas is threatening to initiate hostilities against Israel citing charges of bioterrorism. At a noontime Al-Jazeer news conference in Cannes, Shamu al-Kissamabutt, Hamas EMT, state...
Read full storyRobinho DID NOT Go Back To Brazil To Avoid Arrest Over Serious Sexual Assault Charge
Robinho, Manchester City's wantaway Brazilian striker, has said that his mysterious recent trip back to his home country was not triggered by an urgent need to avoid West Yorkshire police in relation to serious sexual assault charges. Robinho, rea...
Read full storyNew Security Fears for Children's Database
An outcry has broken out over security of the latest Government database, which holds the records of 11 million children in the UK. The £224-million database, which stores the name, address, date of birth, parents details, GP and name of school fo...
Read full storyBeckhams not in the news!
One of Britain's best-loved "red-top" daily newspapers did not have a story about David "Posh" Beckham or his lovely wife Victoria "Goldenballs" Adams in the current edition. Said spokesman Rank Ordure, "Try as we might, we couldn't get a Beckham...
Read full storyM-Theory Applied To Cats
Netherlands - Just as lost socks and missing persons can be explained through the still-questionable M-Theory, scientists today have applied the same set of equations to the common house cat. Cats, it is well known, seem to multiply at a rate prop...
Read full storyBigfoot Steals the Proof
Sasquatch, also known by such names as Bigfoot and Yeti, was filmed on a Japanese tourist's camcorder today, near where a stream crosses the roadway somewhere in western Yellowstone National Park. "It was amazing! Totally Unreal!" The 25 year old...
Read full storyRSVP For Doomsday Festivities
Major promotional companies the world over have started the sale of tickets to Doomsday, officially designated as December 21st, 2012. Because more than 6 billion people are expected to attend the events, advance ticket purchases will insure that int...
Read full storyDigital Switch Delayed For U.S.
Congress, finally realizing that a majority of Americans aren't techno-savvy, have delayed the switch from analog broadcasts to all digital broadcasts. The move, which would have required millions of Americans to learn how to read the instructions, w...
Read full storyLatest U.S. Stimulus Plan Unveiled
The United States government announced the outline of their newest stimulus plan today. The plan, which involves distributing $200 billion to random Americans by throwing small bills out of the cockpits of WWI era aircraft, is expected to begin some...
Read full storyCriuse Terrified of Cyber-Bullies
According to recent reports, TC will only travel in "bomb proof" vehicles because he is afraid of cyber-bullies. Just what part of "cyber" doesn't shorty understand? Sure they may send him thousands of hate mail messages a day and threaten his fam...
Read full storyOprah Thanks Blago
At a press conference today Oprah Winfrey thanked Rod Blagojevich for stating that he had thought of naming her to the vacated Senate seat in Illinois. She said that while she was "flattered," she could really not afford the pay cut that an appoi...
Read full storyCrowd trouble at Hull: The Truth
As builders move in to to rebuild the wrecked KC Stadium, The Spoof can exclusively reveal the real reason behind the disgraceful scenes of crowd violence which marred the weekend's FA cup tie and further sullied the battered reputation of the nation...
Read full storyDoner Kebabs Are Good For You Says Dietician
Following an announcement from the Department Of Health and Wellness that kebab shop punters may just as well swallow two glasses of used cooking oil as have a doner kebab, we were contacted by respected dietician Ali Bullo, who told us: "Is not t...
Read full storyRobbie Fowler Arrested Again After 'Cocaine Found In Footballs' Story Churned Up Again By L'Equipe
Cardiff City striker Robbie Fowler will not now miss the FA Cup fourth round replay against Arsenal after being mistakenly arrested when cocaine, with a potential value of up to £120,000, was thought to have been discovered inside a consignment of fo...
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