Written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 28 January 2009

image for Hull City And Millwall Fans To Protest Against 'Modern Game'
Fan of the Modern Game

After last weekend's scenes of terrifying mindless violence and seat-throwing at the FA Cup fourth round tie between Hull City and Millwall, 'men' associated with both clubs have this morning announced that they are to stage protests against the Modern Game at their respective stadiums before their next home matches.

The trouble centres around statements made by Hull chairman Paul Duffen and his Millwall counterpart, American John Berylson, which claimed that these terrible scenes:

"have no place in the modern game."

Both sets of 'men' say that, if their own particular brand of supporting is the kind of thing that does not belong in the modern game, then the modern game needs to change, and the protest will go ahead this weekend when Hull take on West Brom at the KC Stadium, and the Lions play host to Scunthorpe United at the Den.

Both Hull and Millwall have a long and enduring tradition of mutual respect, and the long years since the two clubs last met have only served to increase that respect to such a level, that trouble last Saturday was inevitable.

When it happened, 'unsuspecting' stewards and police were unable to stem the flow of respect, and 'modern' representatives of both clubs, and various other supporters, have since condemned the actions of a 'mindless minority' who spoilt the game for the vast majority of peaceable, football-loving fans.

Stop me if you're feeling sick.

Now though, members of both mobs have claimed that they are being marginalised and discriminated against by clubs who have been happy to take their money and count on their faithful support during the hardest of times.

Hull, for instance, almost went out of business in 1982, playing in front of crowds as low as 2,825 against Hartlepool United in February of that year. Even so, the hooligan element was well over 300, a figure which almost exactly constitutes the present contingent of Bingo Enthusiasts.

In contrast, there are now nearly 20,000 Christmas Trees, numpties and other 'hangers-on' currently lining the pockets of the directors at the KC, as well as a hardcore of around 5,000 genuine fans, with a similar pro-rata make-up of the crowd in evidence at the Den.

A spokesman for the groups, said:

"The Modern Game is rubbish. Too many overpaid foreign players going through the motions, rolling around on the deck trying to con the referees, red cards, yellow cards, blah blah blah private boxes, proper toilets, no terracing, no soggy pies or Wagon Wheels, and now, no Bingo. Unless you're a Millwall fan, that is."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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