Colin Montgomerie, the portly 51-year-old Scot, has won the fight to become the European Ryder Cup captain for the championship to be staged in Wales in 2010, and will be the fattest man ever to do so.
He is even fatter than Ian Woosnam!
Monty, who weighs in at over 30 stone (190 kgs), is so heavy, that his golf shoes are specially-reinforced to take his weight, and when playing in the US, is transported around the course on a specially-adapted titanium golf cart for use by the grossly overweight.
He has become the scourge of greenkeepers the world over, leaving deep footprints in putting surfaces wherever he plays, and snapped the footbridge over a brook at Carnoustie when he tried to cross it last year.
Outgoing Ryder Cup captain, Nick Faldo, smiled fondly when told of the appointment. He said:
"Ah, Monty. Well, he loves his pie and chips, doesn't he? The fat b*stard!"
