John McCain, 92, the former Republican candidate for the Presidency, can finally refer to himself as "President McCain" from today.
Whilst it may not be the President of the United States as he had hoped last year, he has today been elected President of the Senior Citizens group in the "Sunny Pines Retirement Community" 8 miles outside of Tucson, Arizona.
McCain, 93, chose to move to the community after the election in November to lead (as the slogan for the home describes) "a life of tranquility and calm for your remaining years".
Whilst not intending to run for any office again after the election, the situation in the community gave McCain, 94, reason to consider running in the annual campaign.
Running on a platform addressing the key issues of Dessert quality, the desire for line dancing classes, and the regularity of bridge nights, McCain won by a significant margin. Furthremore, McCain's stories of his time in World War I also proved to be a big hit with the residents of the community.
The chief competition for McCain in the election was Walter Leibowitz, who has been the President for the last 18 years. Unfortunately a scandal hit Mr Leibowitz's campaign late in the running when it emerged that he had been stealing his neighbours newspaper every morning since 1989.
When asked about McCain's victory, Leibowitz's response of "who the hell is he?", caused some observers to believe that he had become a bad loser, however it has since emerged that his deteriorating memory has caused him to forget the entire campaign.
McCain, 95, is now set to begin naming his cabinet as of tomorrow with likely key seats for Jerry, his campaign manager / masseur, and Sammy, his Jack Russell.
