Sir Charles Barkley Arrested For Drunk Driving
Sir Charles Barkley, former NBA great who was once known at "the Round Mound of Rebound," was arrested for suspicion of driving under the influence of alchohol (drunk driving). The player turned commentator refused to take a breathalizer test and re...
Read full storyGuide dog finds Queen's security plans 'under Bush'
Sandringham - (Royal Ass Mess): A guide dog for the blind that was ritually whipped last weekend by royal benefits scrounger Prince Edward after failing to find any grouse on Saddleworth Moor has been exonerated. The three year old labrador came u...
Read full storyUS Pass Off Guantanamo Inmate as Parking Offender
The United States efforts to empty the infamous Guantanamo Bay jail have turned desperate afer they were caught passing off one known terrorist as a parking offender and another as a non returner of library books. "We were pretty surprised" said B...
Read full storyCaroline Kennedy Maims and Mauls Her Way to First Press Conference
Senate-hopeful, Caroline Kennedy, was running late to her first news conference in New York City yesterday. She raced out of her $10.9 million Hyannisport "cottage" in Cape Cod and jumped into her $16.7 million "JF-Kopter" that was revving up at the...
Read full storyPoliticians Against Artificial Intelligence, ANY Intellegince
American researchers say they are a step closer to making a computer that mimics the thought process of human beings. "This is a demonstration of what's possible when circuits compute in biological ways," said Massachusetts Institute of Technolog...
Read full storyBrown angry at companies for pinching best slogans
Prime Minister Gordon Brown yesterday launched a stinging attack on some of the best known international companies, when he revealed that the Government has still not been able to come up with a catchy slogan despite being in power for over 10 years...
Read full storyDead Celebrity in Big Brother House!
It has been leaked that a tragedy has occurred within the Big Brother house. A well known celebrity died when Reese Witherspoon tripped on the staircase and her large pointed chin harpooned one of the celebrities who was loitering at the bottom of...
Read full storyHamas declares war on the United States
Today, in Gaza, Hamas declared war on the USA. Hamas leader Nasser Arafaq addressed a crowd of thousands of Palestinians, and said: 'We declare war on the Great Satan of America! And we declare war on the evil fascists of Israel, though we actually l...
Read full storyWorld Records Book Updated With New 2008 Records
The famous Book of World Records will release the new 2009 edition later this month, to include all of the records broken and/or set in 2008. While this will include such things as Michael Phelps winning eight swimming gold medals at the Olympics an...
Read full storyTeen queen, Brenda Song and Camilla Belle fighting over Rob Pattinson!
Teen queen, Brenda Song and 22 year-old actress Camilla Belle are reportedly fighting over Rob Pattinson. Song, 20 and Belle, 22 are reportedly fighting over Rob Pattinson, according to me and the voices in my head. Song dated Pattinson for a sho...
Read full storyTransylvanian Election Hinges on Intellectually Challenged Voters
Transylvania: The Transylvanian Republikanz and Demokratic Senatorial candidates' leads keep seesawing back and forth by a few hundred votes. The 1500 disqualified ballots will now be hand counted to determine the winner. Each Senatorial candidat...
Read full storyMore Celebrity Gossip
Matt Dillon was taken into custody for driving his car at over 100 MPH in Vermont last week. Dillon admitted to the charge and insisted that arresting officer, Festus Haggen, send a copy of the arrest to his publicity agent. Dillon has a new movie co...
Read full storyVordazov in Saints Takeover
The fortunes of Southampton Football Club were today turned unpside down with the shock takeover by Russian Billionaire, Alexei Vordazov. Vordazov, who has a personal fortune of over $20 billion, yesterday paid 27p per share, valuing the club at nex...
Read full storySaints Sign Powell in Astonishing Day
Southampton have today announced the signing of Dan Powell from Eastleigh FC for £1.5m plus Ollie Lancashire, Ryan Smith, and Jan Poortvliet. In a day that saw Portsmouth and West Ham both plunge into administration on the same fateful morning, it w...
Read full storyAides say Harry Reid has B.O.
After disparaging remarks regarding being able to smell D.C. tourists coming to visit the U.S. Capitol in the summertime, senatorial aides close to Senate Majority Leader, Harry Reid, report that he has B.O. Wanting to remain anonymous, one aide r...
Read full storySaints Move for Former Full Back
Southampton F.C. are rumoured to have made a £750k bid to re-sign full back Thom King from Winchester City. The 20 year old who can also play at centre-back has been targeted after the club recently lost Alex Pearce to Reading and Jack Cork to Watfor...
Read full storyAttacks on Gazza condemned by everyone, everywhere
The recent horrific attacks on Gazza have been condemned by virtually everyone as unjust and unnecessarily harsh, the latest, coming as it does from a 12-year boy old called Regan, named after the original Sweeney pilot movie, who simply wishes that...
Read full storySteve Gerrard To Be Fined Two Weeks' Wages
Steven Gerrard, the Liverpool captain, received the worst news possible this morning, when Anfield officials, keen to nip media criticism of the star in the bud, fined the midfielder two weeks' wages. The fine is a massive blow for Gerrard, who wa...
Read full storyFacebook impersonation
Moderators of the popular social networking site, Farcebook, have launched an investigation into Chameleons, the users of the site who set up an account under the guise of a famous person. After Bharrat Jagdeo, leader of the republic of Guyana tried...
Read full storyNew Year Resolution: Don't make resolutions
A leading UK based mental health charity, Mind, has urged people to avoid making New Year resolutions this year. "Resolutions are made by people who have something about themselves that they want to change," said Frank Butmad. "Common resolutions...
Read full storyAdios
From the beginning of history, mankind has always been interested in accessing physical or spiritual immortality, a fact that is manifested in expression like "Fountain of Youth", "Elixir of Youth", "Reincarnation" or "resurrection". As a matter of fact, most living things, plants or animals, do continue their life permanently, of course, through their offspring, but people demand more, to the...
Read full storySasquatch, or just really big carbon footprints?
SEATTLE, WA - In what is considered to be the strongest evidence of Bigfoot yet, plaster casts have been made of giant footprints in the forests just East of Bellevue, Washington in the American Northwest. The massive prints wind their way down...
Read full storyEconomists Turn to YouTube for Answers
The startling and unbelievable accuracy of the predictions by Lindsey Williams, regarding the true reasons for the drastic changes in oil prices, over the last year, has turned him into a true Internet celebrity. Lindsey Williams has become the n...
Read full storyBlagojevich Ignores Waiter's Recommendations, Orders Poached Salmon
CHICAGO, IL - Server Rick di Martini, 23, is understandably upset with Rod Blagojevich, who sat in his section this Monday evening and completely ignored his suggestions, ordering "whatever the hell he wanted." Rick says, "He does this every time he...
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