Written by ozworld

Friday, 2 January 2009

image for Al Jolson's Ghost Ruined Me

A shopkeeper from the tiny hamlet of Tipton has blamed the ghost of former crooner Al Jolson for disasterous Christmas sales claiming the singer hid in his turkey display cabinet and sang "Swanee" at perspective customers.

"It's been pretty tough" said grocer Reg Legsly "He arrived about three days before Christmas and began terrorising customers with all those old songs"

"Toot-Toot Tootsie Goodbye" and "Mammy" were all part of Jolson's arsenal as he wreaked havoc through the store often sneaking up on unsuspecting shoppers and letting fly with one of his tunes.

"We had to take poor old Mrs Garvey up to the doctors when she dropped a Christmas ham on her foot after copping a blast of "Old Man River" claimed Legsly

Another elderly shopper also received medical treatment after falling head first into a freezer cabinet.

"She was reaching in for a chicken schnitzel when he crept up behind her and let go with "Pennies From Heaven"

Mr Legsly says he's at his wits end with the police being no help at all.

"You should've seen the look they gave me when I said I was there to lodge a complaint against Al Jolson's ghost"

With his store now deserted of customers Legsly says he'll close up for a week and hopes Jolson will get bored and move on.

"I've been making suggestions out loud trying to convince him he'd be better off somewhere else like a Sainsbury's or maybe even Harrods.He could give that Al Fayed bloke a scare or two " he said

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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