Celebrity Big Brother Tina Breaks World Swearing Record
Celebrity Big Brother Tina Malone became the toast of Channel 4 tonight after she covered herself in glory by breaking the world record for repeatedly saying the F-word. Malone, the 21-stone walrus from Liverpool, was clocked at having uttered the...
Read full storyWhat's Wrong with Male Gynecologists? (3 of 3)
Are male gynecologists professionals or perverts? Jeremiah 17:9 reads, "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?" What kind of a man would go into a profession of examining women's private parts? Don't tell me that he is not made of the same sinful flesh that every other man is made of. No man can look at pornographic images and not be affected. This...
Read full storyWhat's Wrong with Male Gynecologists? (2 of 3)
Are male obstetricians or gynecologists condoned in the Bible? Given that nudity before a person of the opposite gender is a sin, why is it a commonly accepted practice among Baptists and others for a woman to be naked and examined by a male doctor? This most disgusting practice is totally unfounded in God's word. OB/GYN's (doctors of pregnancy and women's health) are considered somehow immun...
Read full storyWhat's Wrong with Male Gynecologists? (1 of 3)
Is nudity before the opposite gender a sin? We are living in a day when the overwhelming majority of Christians and non-Christians alike believe in situational ethics. "The end justifies the means" seems to be the philosophy of today's independent Baptist churches. God, on the other hand, has always been the God of moral absolutes. Is nudity before the opposite gender a sin? Well if it is,...
Read full storySecond racist video has Harry shagging 'satanic Paki sluts'
Clarence House - (Royal Ass Mess): A second racist video has emerged showing Prince Harry boasting about shagging some 'satanic Paki sluts'. The 24 year-old is seen in the back of his Hummer high on cocaine as a pair of devilish-looking scantily...
Read full storySomali Pirates New Year's Resolution: Time to Sink or Swim! OOPS!
Mogadishu, Somalia - Despite being patient for 2 months waiting for a ransom to be delivered, when the payoff came, Somali Pirates couldn't wait to row ashore and run to the nearest Cadillac Escalade dealership to cash in with a new ride! As a res...
Read full storyObama appoints Tony Blair as intelligence director
Barack Obama today picked Tony Blair as Director of National Intelligence. Speaking from his shelter near Gaza City, Mr. Blair said: 'Well, OK, I mean I have all the qualifications - I've wasted millions on funding this part of the world, I've alw...
Read full storyMental illness rampant in Pakistani government - Bumbling PM Gilani moonlights as comedian while delusional nutbar Musharraf returns in Inspector Dreyfuss avatar!
ISLAMA-BAD: Bumbling Pakistani Prime Minister Yusuf Raza Gilani is pissed-off that an equally bumbling President Zardari is not showing him enough respect. "I am the actual Pakistani ruler" he proclaimed as he applied his clown make-up. Having...
Read full storyIsrael Begins Saturation Bombing of Red Cross, United Nations
GAZA CITY - Israeli forces blew the Red Cross' temporary headquarters in Gaza City to smithereens Friday afternoon, then blasted United Nations humanitarian forces. Even as nations around the world have expressed shock at the violence, Israeli Army...
Read full storyQEII RIP: online bookmakers outguess Nostradamus prophecy nutters
Cyberspace - (BlackJackBouvier Anonymous Mess): Online spread betting index Aintgottaprayer.con stands to make five billion dollars in a royal strip poker challenge. This will finally bury self important Nostradamus prophecy nut jobs profiting fro...
Read full storyYellowstone National Park: Quakin' and Shakin' Like The Left Coast
YELLOWSTONE NATIONAL PARK, Wyoming - Scientists and geologists throughout America are puzzled as to what is causing the hundreds of earthquakes at Yellowstone National Park. Tucker McRemington, the park's executive director said that if he didn't...
Read full storyBig Words Complicating Nation's Safety Announcements
Holler Ridge, Mississippi resident Larry "Bubba" Armstrong was slow to react to sensationalist television reports about a possible attack by Middle East terrorists because he couldn't quite get what the announcer said. "Shoot fire, I knowed it was...
Read full storyDublin Pub Finds O'Bama Bar Rack - Irish Ancestry Claimed
Dublin - President Elect O'Bama is truly the Great-Grandson of famous Cork carpenter Seamus O'Bama, claims 'Top O the Morning' Landlord, Partraig Finnerley. Partraig is very proud to display an antique hand made bar rack, crafted by Seamus with p...
Read full storyBeaver Ad Tops List of Years Most Hated Commercial
A recently released list by the Advertising Standards Bureau found that the hotly debated Kotex U tampon advertisement, showing a woman going about daily activities with a beaver in tow, was the most complained about ad in 2008. The ad, which rece...
Read full storyAyn Rand to Obama: Read Atlas Shrugged!
WASHINGTON D.C.-President Elect Barrack Obama is planning massive changes to U.S. currency that will permanently solve the looming financial crisis. According to an Obama insider the incoming president is "a genius" when it comes to solving this kin...
Read full storyObama grants Oprah ambassadorship to Mercury so she can "weigh" one-third less; Sarah Palin sends her best Via Satellite from a slaughterhouse
Chicago, Illinois - "I'm taking one more step for man and one more giant leap for mankind," said an excited Oprah to her studio audience as she announced that President-elect Barack Obama has promised her an ambassadorship to the planet closest to th...
Read full storyInterest Rate Cut is not being passed on
Investigations at the highest level of government began today as word reached them that not all lenders were passing on the interest rate cut. Interest Rates are at 1.5% and are now as low as they have ever been, and look to head even lower, maybe...
Read full storyKidnappers Cause Car Owners to Customize Trunks
Buenos Aires - Kidnappers brazenly showing up at people's doors with guns and telling them to get into the trunks of their own cars has led to an unexpected rise in the car customizing business. Now when criminals ring a doorbell, put a gun to pe...
Read full storyNightmare Come True For Detroit Man
"It was like a nightmare come true", reported 62-year-old Detroit, Michigan's Harvey Wallbanger. "There I was on the floor of some woman's house, she was squeezing my nuggets blue and then she gave me a kick to be sure my death was even more painf...
Read full storyPeople Eating Grass
In order to supplement their diets during these lean times, many U.S. citizens are resorting to eating grass. "Grass is awesome," Barry Bovine of Seattle, Washington recently remarked. "You just have to make sure you don't put a lot of chemicals...
Read full storySkull 'N' Bonesmen slam Inauguration 'freak show'
Washington AC/DC - (Whitewater/Blackwater Mess): Skull 'N' Bones diehards have blasted Obama camp Inauguration plans 'a cynical freak show' after their Blackwater security arm failed its tender to police the January 20 event. "I blame the Clintons...
Read full storyKrytonistan Disappointed In Krigagoatnog Handing Over Country
The military leaders of Krytonistan have announced that they now are in complete control of the country of Krigagoatnog without a bullet being fired. "I went up to Supreme President Shultzennegger and demanded that his country be immediately hande...
Read full storyPhiladelphia Renamed Obamadelphia
Obamadelphia PA-- Mayor Michael Nutter officially renamed Philadelphia in a City Hall ceremony yesterday. The nation's sixth largest city is now officially Obamadelphia, named for the nation's first African-American president. The name change takes...
Read full storyTin Peaches Mentioned in new Slur on Gov. Blagojevich
In a hastely called press conference, Raul Mendoza - a spokesperson for the US Executive Office of Fresh Del Monte Products made the following statement. "There is absolutely no truth in alergations that the Ilinois State Governor has approached t...
Read full storyRafa's Got The Pop Factor
Absolutely fantastic sketch by Peter Kay on Sky Sports Who would have thought he could top Britains Got The Pop Factor... but watching him in his Max (and Paddy) Outfit, donning a fake Spanish accent and being interviewed as though he were Rafa Benitez, Comedy Gold! Reporter : "So Rafa, What do you say to those that accuse you of allowing WUM of the Century, Sir Alex Ferguson, under your ski...
Read full storyFull Moon
If skies are cloudy today, go out at sunrise and look for the giant moon rising in the morning. It will be the brightest one of 2007, sure to wow observers. Earth, the moon and the stars are all bound together by string, which keeps us going aroun...
Read full storyHow to be Politically Correct with Women
She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE - She is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT. She is not a BAD COOK - She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE. She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELLERY - She is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED. She is not CONCEITED - She is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES. She does not want to be MARRIED - She wants to lock you in DOMESTIC INCARCERATION. She does not GAIN WEIGHT - She is a METABOLIC...
Read full storyThe Hero of the White House
We all saw how President George W. Bush agilely ducked two shoes thrown at him in Baghdad. The incident became a fodder for jokes, including the President himself. Of course, Laura Bush did not find it amusing, retorting, "It was an assault". While George Bush is branded as the worst US president of the last 50 years, the Iraqi TV reporter made a name overnight. He has become the Hero of the A...
Read full storyAspartame companies belly-up to the bar
Poisonville, ILL - Another aspartame company closed it's doors today. One of the last companies left in America, it had to close it's doors because aspartame disease had shut down the line for the last nine months. Mr. N. A. Useam, CEO of Adulter...
Read full storyChina plays chess with porn
BREIJING - China has expanded its best top ten lists for pornography and vulgar content online, naming more than twenty new Web sites to visit, and also threatening to close down MacBurger Kings's web site, saying its too family orientated and that i...
Read full storyPulling Himself
President Rush gave several sperm samples to newspaper correspondents on Friday - a goodwill gesture from his loins. It was sticky and some of it stuck to one of the correspondents fingers and that was what he'll miss about being able to masturba...
Read full storyGay Rights
Netherlands, Egypt - An estimated 50 people were arrested in the Greek coastal city of geogiomichael after a Friday gay picnic, joining other gay people in more than a dozen cities in the West East and elsewhere rallying against lack of public toilet...
Read full storyHugh Hefner Steals Next Fox News Anchor for Himself!
Chicago/ Playboy News - Defying gravity and living with an erection that has lasted longer than 54 years, 82 year old porn mag publisher Hugh Hefner has struck again, swooping up budding news anchor Crystal Harris, 22, signing her to a 1 year contrac...
Read full storyPredictable Pakistani bomb-blast choreography precedes Joe Biden's trip to Islamabad followed by the predictable conferring of the 'nation's highest honor' award!
Every visit of a US functionary to Pakistan is preceded by the predictable Pakistani choreography. Joe Biden's visit was no different. In typical fashion the following acts took place: First there was the ubiquitous Lahore bomb-blast cleverly ar...
Read full storyGov. Rod Blagojevich On 114-1 Impeachment Vote: Blame The Sick People!
In breaking news today, Gov. Rod Blagojevich was impeached by the state house by a 114-1 vote, prompting a press conference by the Governor. He stated that the he was not surprised by the outcome of the vote. "It was a foregone conclusion in fa...
Read full storyCelebrity Big Brother Verne Troy Is Bart Simpson In Disguise
Celebrity Big Brother contestant Verne Troyer is at the centre of a new controversy tonight, after it was alleged that he is none other than the cartoon character Bart Simpson in disguise. Troyer, 9, is exactly the same height as the Simpson young...
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