"It was like a nightmare come true", reported 62-year-old Detroit, Michigan's Harvey Wallbanger.
"There I was on the floor of some woman's house, she was squeezing my nuggets blue and then she gave me a kick to be sure my death was even more painful-for I was trying to die- and she ran out of the room as I passed out."
Harvey was talking about Mrs Phillis Thatcher who not only attacked Harvey but, to add insult to injury, actually called the police and charged HIM with assault!
"To get thrown into a cold cell when you can't even walk and you're stark naked is a terrible thing", moaned Mr. Wallbanger.
Apparently, Mr. Wallbanger had just tried out a new purple pill-a pecker-upper, he called it- and was quite pleased with the results.
"I went down the street showing everybody the good news when I saw that the widow Mrs Thatcher had left her front door open and was in the kitchen putting groceries in the refrigerator."
"I just walked up to the opened door and said, 'Why lookee here what I got!' and I pointed at it, but it must have startled her because she let out a shriek, threw an egg at me and ran into the other room."
"So there I was trying to catch up to try to show her it was just me, Harvey Wallbanger, and that was when she tripped and fell and I fell over her."
"So she reaches out with her bare hands- she's strong for an 84-year-old woman, must have milked a lot of cows in her younger days- and she grabs me by the goodies and that's the last thing I remember."
Doctors say Mr. Wallbanger will be able to uncross his eyes within a week, uncross his legs in about two weeks and be able to walk again in a couple of months.
"Unless you've been through something like this, you'll never know what real pain is", concluded Harvey.
"And all because of a stupid woman"s mistake!"
