Hugh Hefner Steals Next Fox News Anchor for Himself!

Funny story written by Morse

Saturday, 10 January 2009

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New Bimbo Moves Into Playboy Mansion...This is Getting REALLY OLD!

Chicago/ Playboy News - Defying gravity and living with an erection that has lasted longer than 54 years, 82 year old porn mag publisher Hugh Hefner has struck again, swooping up budding news anchor Crystal Harris, 22, signing her to a 1 year contract, signing boner, and incentives.

The blonde bimbo, currently still enrolled in college in San Diego,and pursuing a "diverse curriculum", which she hoped would lead her to join a long list of blonde news readers on Fox News Network, said she was taking a "sabbatical"to "attend" to "Hef" in his Hospice Mansion.

According to her blog, Crystal loves dogs, grass, the ocean, the color purple, Ferraris, ToFu, Gerbils and "cute" wrinkled dicks.

Hefner, reputedly the only living white male that has successfully undergone 5 penis transplants, was happy to welcome Crystal into his house, due to the recent loss of 6 of his former girlfriends who signed lucrative performance contracts with Joran van der Sloot, the Arubian Sex Agent. Hef, using sign language and speaking through an interpreter, said he was happy to be able to "mentor" Harris as she pursues her ambition to become a news anchor.

Hefner reportedly hired the same speech therapist currently being used by Caroline Kennedy, the inarticulate Harvard Graduate, who delivers speeches like a Valley Girl, in hopes he can enable Crystal to "make the grade" in news broadcasting circles. In addition Harris is undergoing deep breathing exercises and repetitive exercises involving crossing her legs demurely while wearing 8" skirts.

Meanwhile, Greta Van Susteran seemed non plussed...."a little competition is always good" she said, prior to entering a Beverly Hills clinic for breast augmentation, another face lift, and a wax job prior to entering her latest contract negotiations with Fox.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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