Tottenham Win Again Under Miracle Manager
Miracles do happen! Last Saturday they enticed Harry Redknapp away from his 'spiritual home' at Portsmouth; on Sunday they beat Bolton; Wednesday saw them claw back a two-goal deficit to draw 4-4 at Arsenal; and tonight the mighty Tottenham Hotspur b...
Read full storyPicture Perfect Pets
Charter Industrial Applications announced today their new suite of Picture Perfect Pets home security systems applications. The interactive home protection devices are available in a wide range of species including the popular Tribble from the ori...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Upset that she isn't appearing in enough Stories
Hannah Montana actress and lovable singer of infectious pop songs, Miley Cyrus, is deeply upset at the news that she is not being featured in as many Internet articles as she hoped she would. The multi-talented munchkin was said to be distraught a...
Read full storyAddicts: We porn dump at the meetings
Support groups of individuals addicted to pornography are a growing trend. Therapists report that for their clients it is the only way they can achieve sexual gratification, but most refuse to destroy their collections. These sexual obsessions hav...
Read full storyG. W. Meets Sonia Gandi
G. W. Bush greets the President of the Indian National Congress Sonia Gandhi at the White House. G. W.: "Dear Ms. President, Let me, first of all, express my admiration for the unique abilities of your father - a great son of the Indian nation." Condoleezza Rice - whispering in his ear -: "But Mr. President, Sonia Gandhi is of Italian origin." G. W.: "That's just the kind of thing I am ta...
Read full storySpace Junk Crashing to Earth on Election Day
A refrigerator once used on the International Space Station is due to come crashing to Earth on Election Day. McCain and Obama have both been notified of this event and are pushing their voters to vote early. The projected path is Los Angele...
Read full storyG. W. secures McCain's victory in Florida and North Carolina
Meeting in the Oval Office. Dick Cheney: " I've just called McCain. Obama advances everywhere. Even in the South, which until recently was our safe heaven, we now have the problems in Florida and North Carolina. We're going to loose the country, unless stop the enemy there by some extraordinary means." Condoleezza Rice: "By the way - about the South. While our guys shed their blood, fighting...
Read full storyBright Light Beam Being Built To Attract Aliens
A southern US City has accepted to host a 10,000-watt light to be directed to the sky 365 days a year. The city council agreed to this project only after NASA agreed to create artwork around the light so the sculpture will be more acceptable to the c...
Read full storyACORN Gets DEM Earmark to Buy Bankrupt SC Theme Park for Obama Victory Rap Extravaganza!
Myrtle Beach, SC/ Rolling Stone - Flush from their Rock Concert summer European success and spending over $700,000 to produce a Jesus Christ Super Star event in Germany for their Messiah, Barack Hussein Obama, ACORN has bought the now defunct Hard...
Read full storyA Florida Hanging Chad or a lynching
I don't know about you, but for me wearing a noose is never politically correct, not even on Halloween. It's 9:30 PM on Halloween. The poll workers have counted the totals for the day (over 1700 votes), cleaned up the room and got ready for the next day of early voting. One of the few white pollworkers pulls a noose around his neck and sticks a name tag on his chest with "CHAD" handwritten on...
Read full storyDouble standards
George W. Bush to Dick Cheney: "Listen, Dick. I've heard that Putin is going around talking about our having double standards again. What's he on about this time? "Our approach, according to which we can do in their traditional sphere of influence, for example in Ukraine, whatever we'd like to; yet, they can do in our traditional sphere of influence, say in Germany, just what we permit them".
Read full storyBrand...who?
Following his resignation from Oldies favourite station Radio 2, Russell Brand is in talks to play the new Dr Who, following the departure of David Tenant from the iconoclastic role. Brand, known for his hair, and extreme thin-ness believes that t...
Read full storyDo Aussies Suffer from Down Under Syndrome?
Trisomy, Australia - The Australian government is denying residency to a German doctor and his family because their teenage son has Down syndrome. The German family moved to Australia two years ago because Australia has a significant shortage of...
Read full storyMore news about Sarah Palin
Considering the age of McCain, as well as his history of melanoma, American political elite is concerned with Sarah Palin's lack of experience in international relations. The different suggestions have been made how to help her get the necessary...
Read full storyNow giant Lego woman follows giant Lego man to Brighton beach
BRIGHTON BEACH - ENGLAND: Following the recent discovery of a giant Lego man who appears to have washed ashore on Brighton Beach, local residents have now discovered a giant Lego woman. It is believed that the giant Lego man comes from Holland.
Read full storyChina to export sex workers to Vegas
Beijing, China - Chinese officials today have formalized agreements with the state of Nevada to initially start exporting sex workers to Las Vegas, Reno and Tahoe. Prostitution, illegal in name only in China, is a burgeoning industry, totally l...
Read full storyBiden Drops Rubber Tw*t
Airport Alert - Washington DC In perhaps one of the most embarrassing flight delays in presidential campaigning, Flight 1052, US Air from Miami to Washington was stopped today when a personal vibrating device fell and went off. Senator Joseph Bid...
Read full storySigns You're a Victim of Identity Theft
17. Your mother no longer complains that you never write or call. 16. Every week, boxes of vials and syringes show up at your doorstep -- and you're neither a doctor nor a professional athlete. 15. All this spam *must* be for some unknown small-penised impostor. 14. Scruffy male prostitutes approach you and you wife in the church parking lot, talking gibberish about "backdoor confes...
Read full storyThings To Do With 1,000 Bras
16. Thanks to you, scarecrows nationwide will now get in touch with their feminine side. 15. At Halloween: "Here's a piece of candy for you, and a little something for your Mom." 14. You and 999 of your cross-dressing friends smuggle 2,000 cantaloupes out of the Piggly Wiggly. 13. Make 2000 lacy yarmulkes with safety chinstraps. 12. 1) Dump them in a pil...
Read full storySigns Your Waiter is Having a Bad Day
18. "Well you didn't say you wanted it cooked!" 17. He just doesn't have the same bright, optimistic smile now as he did two years ago on the cover of Time Magazine's "DotCom Successes" issue. 16. "Hey, boss, mind if I leave a little early so I can bring Ms. Brown-Simpson these sunglasses she left on the table?" 15. There's a healthy pink glow peeking out from behi...
Read full storyHull City Scare Manchester United Shitless
Hull City, everyone's favourite 'other club', came up against last year's Premier League champions Manchester United at their Old Trafford this afternoon, and scared them shitless. Hull went behind to a Ronaldo goal after three minutes, but equali...
Read full storyPresident Bush: I'm Voting For Barack Obama
WASHINGTON D.C. - In a move that has sent shock reverberations throughout the McCain-Palin campaign, President George W. Bush has stated that he will be voting for Senator Barack Obama. The president told CNN's Wolf Blitzer that there are several...
Read full storyRussell Brand's Grandma Gets Well Upset
Russell Brand's grandma got well upset today when a reporter asked her if she spit or swallowed. Mrs Leading Brand insisted that pressmen had overstepped the mark by asking such a disgusting question. 'What I do in the pursuit of oral sex techn...
Read full storyI Shagged Ross's Grandma Too Says Arthur Pewty
Arthur Pewty, notorious Neasden gangster and crime kingpin today admitted that he too had shagged Jonathon Ross's grandma. 'It was a long time ago,' Pewty admitted. 'But the memories linger. I'll never forget that woman. She was insatiable. She to...
Read full storySigns That You May Not Be the Perfect Parent
16. "Okay, the baby will be ready in time for dinner! Now where's that chicken you wanted me to bathe?" 15. You're lobbying hard to get all three toddlers on the upcoming "Survivor: Australia." 14. "Maybe you'd be more popular, son, if you were good at something." 13. You've earned "Platinum Preferred Guest" status on the Jerry Springer Show. 12. Not onl...
Read full storyTwenty Little-Known Uses for Leftover Thanksgiving Food
20. A roll: Feed all the contestants on "Americas Next Top Model." 19. Green bean casserole: Add another layer of hilarity to the whoopee cushion planted for Monday's staff meeting! 18. Gravy: Surprise snowball centers! 17. Drumstick: Great for beating your timid Democratic congressman over the head with. 16. Turkey carcass: Just a coat of Krylon away from being a sturdy battle...
Read full storyDaft Bastard Admitted To Hospital Following Failed Suicide Attempt
Doctors were left shaking their heads in disbelief after a man, described as a 'daft bastard' was admitted to Burnley General Hospital following a failed suicide attempt. The man, Mr Paul Wankbreak had attempted to hang himself with a bungee rope,...
Read full storyHRH Declines Offer To Join Satanic Sluts Dance Troupe
Buckingham Palace, London, England - Her Royal Highness Queen Elizabeth The Second has declined an offer to join the Satanic Sluts dance troupe. In a statement issued from the palace the reasons given were that HRH is knocking on a bit and that ce...
Read full storyPotty shard lends evidence to stories of Biblical King David
Jerusalem - (Grateful Dead Sea Scrolls Mess): A 3,000 year-old scrap of potty engraved with King David's name may be the vital piece of empirical proof that the Old Testament monarch really did exist. And just like the fabled Rosetta Stone the an...
Read full storyFat Dancing Retard kid who appears in Jesus Budda's avatar calls foul
The ugly, fat, stupid looking retarded kid who dances like a beached whale at a spastic convention, and appears as the animated avatar of average writer Jesus Budda, has demanded that the image be removed from public display. 'Little' Jimmy Bastar...
Read full storyWe all shagged Georgina 'Satanic Sluts' Baillie says Wogan
London - (Slutty Ass Mess): Septuagenarian beZimmer-framed TV chatshow host Terry Wogan is devoting an entire chapter of his forthcoming memoir to the night that he waited in queue behind Russell Brand to shag Georgina 'Satanic Sluts' Baillie. "A...
Read full storyObama Will Bring Back Segregation
Washington (IPP) - Obama has announced that if he is elected that he will put segregation policies into effect immediately. Obama told reporters that the segregation policies will mean that there will be "colored" and "white" water fountains, rest...
Read full storyTina Fay is Gay for Pay or so they say in the News Today
Tina Fay, part-time Saturday Night Live Sarah Palein impersonator, has been revealed by news sources nobody has heard of this morning as being a gay porn actress and one time Dr. Seusse ghost-writer. Fay has appeared in literally an unconfirmed nu...
Read full storyThe Bradley Effect? Try the Military Effect.
When Tom Bradley lost the '82 California governor's race, everyone blamed it on race. He'd been ahead in the polls. The Bradley effect refers to those who vote for the white candidate, yet tell pollsters they're undecided or likely to vote for a black candidate before the election. I have a wild theory that on this election we'll have a similar phenomena in the reverse. The Military Eff...
Read full storyThe Bradley Effect? Try the Military Effect.
When Tom Bradley lost the '82 California governor's race, everyone blamed it on race. He'd been ahead in the polls. The Bradley effect refers to those who vote for the white candidate, yet tell pollsters they're undecided or likely to vote for a black candidate before the election. I have a wild theory that on this election we'll have a similar phenomena in the reverse. The Military Eff...
Read full storyDiego Maradona To Sign For Hull City
Diego Maradona, the most celebrated Argentinian footballer of all time, is today said to be involved in transfer talks with topflight newboys Hull City, that would make him, not only the oldest player in the Premier League, but also in the world.
Read full storyHuman Body Parts Found on James Bond Quantum of Solace Set
London, England - The world premiere of the new James Bond film in London's Leicester Square was marred by revelations that human remains have been discovered on the film's set. Quantum of Solace stars Daniel Craig and Judi Dench were strutting th...
Read full storyArnie really is the Terminator: Coup Planned
Rumours are rife that Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger is considering a bloodless coup if Senator Barack Obama is elected President on Tuesday. The former "Terminator" is so incensed at the prospect of a half Kenyan blowin from the 'burbs getting u...
Read full storyBiden: Unwed Mothers Receiving $42,500 a Year May Have to be Taxed!
Annapolis, Md./ Blue Crab News - Oops! Joe Biden stepped in it again when he announced at one of his rare Senate reelection stops that the state's welfare mothers receiving $42,500 in cash benefits may have to be taxed in order to fulfill Obama's ec...
Read full storyArsenal - Tottenham Match-Fixing Allegations
A storm of controversy has blown up this morning after allegations of match-fixing were made over Wednesday's Arsenal v. Tottenham Hotspur midweek match at the Emirates Stadium. The match finished 4-4, but with Arsenal leading 4-2 with only secon...
Read full storyVanessa's Big Trouble
Vanessa Hudgens seen "making out" with some hot guy who is not Zac Efron, Wow Vanessa we did not see that coming from you... So, who was that hot guy seen kissing cutie Vanessa? Well it was (drum role) Jesse McCartney! That must have been a sho...
Read full storyWhat did Hilary Duff just do?
Was that Hilary Duff hanging out with Zac Efron? Did she just kiss Zac? How come Vanessa didn't say anything? And why did all of this happen? All you need to know is right here. On Wednesday Hilary Duff was talking with Zac in a café where they we...
Read full storyZac Efron talks about love
We have this interview of Zac efron after 2 days of "Paris time" with his girlfriend Vanessa Hudgens: Us: so Zac, how does it feel to be famous and surrounded by crazy fans? Zac: well I really love my fans, but sometimes it is very crazy and I don't know how to have some alone time... Us: and how about your own life, have you decided if you are serious with Vanessa? Zac: well, to tell...
Read full storyNeoCon Fundies Carve 2012 on Sarah Palin's Forehead!
New darling of the religious self-righteous wing of the Neo-Conservative movement, Sarah Palin has been hanging out in the prayer meetings and juice bars frequented by her biggest supporters. That appears to be where the trouble started. As McC...
Read full storyBiologists Synthesize Bionic Superman Drink
BOWLING GREEN, KY - Biologists at BGU have synthesized a hormone that triggers temporary mutation of the human body into a super-strong green monster. The new compound is simple to make in a kitchen, and will probably be outlawed soon. TheSpoof g...
Read full storyRussell Brand "Not Spanish"
In a shock announcement today, Russell Brands' management announced that Brand, aged 78, is not in fact Spanish. Stunned fans reacted angrily when they heard the news. As one distraught fan said,"my whole belief system has been shattered, the...
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