Do Aussies Suffer from Down Under Syndrome?

Funny story written by David David

Saturday, 1 November 2008

image for Do Aussies Suffer from Down Under Syndrome?
Tall, blond, tan, loud, hard-drinking, surfing, barbequing, heterosexual Aussies suffer from Down Under Syndrome

Trisomy, Australia - The Australian government is denying residency to a German doctor and his family because their teenage son has Down syndrome.

The German family moved to Australia two years ago because Australia has a significant shortage of medical professionals, especially in rural areas. The doctor was initially welcomed with open arms and set up medical practice in a remote rural area.

However, when it came time for the family to apply for permanent residency, the Australian government denied the request, stating that the boy's medical condition did not meet the health requirement for immigrants.

Mr Hy Rabbit-Fence, chief deporter at the Australian Immigration Office, explained that the office does not comment on individual immigration cases, because they do not consider individual circumstances as relevant to their decisions.

"G'day mate! Care for a stubbie or a tinnie?" sang out Mr Rabbit-Fence, popping the tops off two cans of beer from his slab.

According to Mr Rabbit-Fence, Australia is tightening up its immigration policies, despite a declining population, severe shortages of workers, and a devastating drought.

"Look at what happened when we let in all those British criminals like my great grandfather. Australia was practically a penal colony in the 1800s. We've got to draw a line in the sand somewhere or it will be open slather here in Oz," shouted Mr Rabbit-Fence, dragging his foot in the sand dune slowly taking over his office for emphasis.

"It's not like it's discrimination against the ankle-biting drongo," explained Rabbit-Fence. "We don't want any defectives here in Australia. We're all tall, blond, tan, loud, hard-drinking, surfing, barbequing, heterosexuals here Down Under."

Mr Rabbit-Fence had to interrupt the interview to try to force open his office door that had been wedged shut by shifting sands in order to let in the short, dark, quiet, unassuming, gay Thai boy who had arrived to deliver his Tom Yum Goong take-away lunch.

"Damned foreigner wogs! Wants to make me spit the dummy," barked Rabbit-Fence, licking a small bit of Tom Yum Goong from the corner of his cakehole.

Mr Rabbit-Fence was forced to terminate the interview when he paused to purchase an illegal Priscilla, Queen of the Desert DVD from a passing illegal Chinese immigrant.

"Hooroo, mate. Rack off, you ratbag," muttered Rabbit-Fence, as he struggled to force his office door shut against the ever-mounting onslaught of sand in his office.

Meanwhile, there is a groundswell of public support mounting on behalf of the German doctor and his Down syndrome son to stay in Australia despite the government's stance.

Australian human rights activist and aborigine, John Howard, is spearheading the campaign. Passing his didgeridoo to his secretary to blow on, Mr Howard took time from his busy schedule to comment on the controversial Down syndrome immigration case.

"It's degrading, pathetic. What right do they have to make such value judgments? If we deport this boy and his family, Australia is likely to get back Kylie and Danni Minogue and Dame Edna Everage in return."

"I and a lot of other Aussies will abandon ship and leave immediately if that were to happen," proclaimed Mr Howard, resuming blowing on his own didgeridoo.

Australia is not alone in its reactive and discriminatory policies regarding health requirements and residency rules.

In Trisomy, Alaska, sister city to Trisomy, Australia, the Alaskan Assembly has passed a law similarly excluding Down syndrome children and their families from services and withdrawing residency permits.

"Governor Palin and her husband had nothing to do with this law," explained Alaskan immigration official, Officer Sockeye Salmon. "They didn't have anything to do with Troopergate neither," added Officer Salmon.

"But the law's the law, so the Palins and their son will just have to pack up and move on. We can't be burdened by the possibility of being burdened by them any longer," said Officer Salmon, adding "Alaskans want to keep their annual oil royalty dividends for the basics, like beer and rifle cartridges."

"Now if you'll excuse me," Officer Salmon abruptly ended the interview, shouldering his office door shut against the rising drifts of snow.

Strange bedfellows, politicians. It seems that twinned cities, Trisomy Australia and Trisomy, Alaska have now agreed a swap to settle things.

The German family is now in Alaska happily practicing rural medicine and running Skinny Dick's Halfway Inn between Nenana and Fairbanks. And the Palins are now Down Under quietly running Pollie's Dick Sticker Surf Apparel Shop.

Sarah Palin says the family feels right at home in Australia with their Down syndrome son. "Duh! Why do you think they call it the Land Down Under, you nong!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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