Joseph Fritzl, Warren Jeffs challenge Dick Cheney's incest claims
Amstetten, Austria - (Lurid Ass Mess): Dick Cheney's claims naming West Virginia as the incest capital of the world have been poo-pooed by Austrian famly sex nutter Joseph Fritzl and Texan fundamental polygamist swine Warren Jeffs.
Read full storyEngland Confident Ahead Of Euro 2008
Steven Gerrard insists that he and his English international colleagues have a great chance of glory this summer at Euro 2008. "The lads are confident", said the scouser. "We know we can beat anyone on our day". "Individually, we're better than...
Read full storyObama Picks VP Candidate : Mad TV's Miss Swan
New York, New York (IPP) - Obama told reporters this afternoon that he has picked Mad TV's Miss Swan as his choice for the Vice Presidential candidate.
Read full storyRadders Sets Up Self Help Classes
Over and over again I have reported that Harry Potter star Daniel Radcliffe, or Radders as he has come to be known, has set up new businesses or projects in the hope of creating quick cash. There was his perfume and deodorant range, his magic mushroom farm and his highly popular Bikinis for men! But now I finally think he has hit on something, Dan is opening his own self help classes for those peo...
Read full storyGoing Loco, Paras on their Pogos!
The Army are investing £300,000 in a new innovative mode of transport for their troops in Afghanistan.
Read full storyCheney Apologizes For Incest Joke, Says He Will Only Ridicule "Crips and Retards" From Now On
(Washington D.C.) - A spokesman for Dick Cheney today tried to mitigate the reaction to a remark the Vice President made yesterday about the frequency of incest in the American South. Speaking at the National Press Club on Monday, Cheney drew nervou...
Read full storySuch a bad loser...
Chappaqua, NY - (Ass Mess): As the Sun, Moon, Venus and a retrograde Mercury line up in Gemini things are looking grim for the Skull 'N' Bones tribute artiste who has made such a profitable living out of being Hillary Rodham Clinton.
Read full storyPrincess Beatrice uses Gastric Band
Princess Beatrice, the daughter of the Duchess of York, Sarah Ferguson, is alleged to be overweight and possibly morbidly obese after being photographed in a size 10 bikini in the Caribbean has confessed to using the Gastric Band.
Read full storyLewis Hamilton hammered by Danica Patrick
In what could be considered an able pitting of wits, at least according to Danica Patrick, the Indy 500 racer beat F1 driver Lewis Shamilton at his own game.
Read full storyHull City named global brand leaders in new fans poll
In a poll of potentially one billion voters spread over 204 countries taken recently by a well known satellite broadcaster. Premiership new boys and big time charlies Hull City came out as clear winners in the global brands sections.
Read full storyBreathing To Be Taxed, Announces Chancellor
The Chancellor of the Exchecquer, Alistair Darling, today announced plans to create a new tax on breathing.
Read full storyLaura Bush gives up tap dancing to honor troops
Washington D.C. - First Lady Laura Bush announced today that she has given up tap dancing as her way of honoring our troops in Iraq and Afghanistan.
Read full storyCristiano Ronaldo in critical condition in hospital after huge dive
It seems that playing for Manchester United against their Derby County encounter has made Ronaldo repentant indeed.
Read full storyClinton Calls Vanity Fair Writer a Scumbag; Doctors Decide to Adjust Medication
Continuing his never-ending quest to prove he's even more insane than his wife, former President Bill Clinton decided yesterday that it was a good idea on the eve of the last two Democratic Primaries to call Vanity Fair editor Todd Purdum a "...
Read full storyCows to be sent into orbit
Due to recent concerns regarding gaseous emissions from our bovine friends, plans have been announced by NASA to jettison the worlds cattle into space.
Read full storyHyde Hospital beats all other hospitals for reduced patient waiting lists
In tables released by the Greater Manchester Hospital Trust, Hyde General Hospital topped the league for the single largest reduction in waiting times for patients.
Read full storyHull City season ticket fiasco-Arrests expected shortly
Details were slowly but surely filtering out concerning the latest fiasco down at the Casey Jones stadium ticket office in the fair city of Ull upon Umber.
Read full storySwimming baths saved from closure by peeping-toms
The Municipal Swimming Baths in Croydon have been saved from closure thanks to the highly non-politically correct decision of the council committee charged with overseeing it.
Read full storyYates of the Yard vindicated as Met swoops on Lord Levy's £1bn safety deposit box scam
London - (Jaw-dropping Mess:) A massive £1+ billion safety deposit box scam linked to the Labour Party's Cash for Honors villain Lord 'Cashpoint' Levy has brought a smile back to the face of embattled Met Assistant Commissioner John Yates...
Read full storyRoger Moore: "I could win a fight with James Bond"
The actor Roger Moore has made a sensational statement by claiming 'under fight conditions' he would win a fight with the character James Bond.
Read full storyGore: Greenhouses To Be Banned!
Al Gore has started pushing his next wacky vision in order to combat his none existent global warming. He has started to call for all greenhouses to be banned.
Read full storyShrinking Dollar Prompts US Engravers to Follow Suit
WASHINGTON (Gelt Gazette) - U.S. Bureau of Engraving and Printing announced today a startling change in the evolution of the not-so-almighty dollar: it's gonna get downsized.
Read full storyFraud Squad to heavily crack down on laundering
In a crackdown on criminal Surfers, the Fraud squad have revealed that they are to enforce even stricter rules on laundering than have previously been in force.
Read full storyUS demands 72 hours notice from UK terrorists
Washington DC - (Rioters): The Whore Against Terra took a decisive step forward today with the announcement by Homeland Insecurity's Michael Chertoff that UK terrorists must give 72 hours notice prior to fleeing to the USA.
Read full storyWet Wet Wet
The month of June is to de-catagorised from a summer month to that of an autumn one after the Met Office became frustrated by the number of complaints they were receiving from the General public as a result of the inclement cool weather that much of...
Read full storyITV to go ahead with "An Audience with Mugabe"
Having exhausted the supply of celebrities willing to stand up and sing or tell jokes in front of other celebrities, ITV has bowed to international pressure from the Zanu PF and will be broadcasting "An Audience with Mugabe".
Read full storyInternet Terminally Ill
Philadelphia PA--The Internet is quickly dying, according to Drexel University researchers. Overuse and under maintenance has caused a freeze-up of vital components and there is no hope of a cure. Death is expected by September.
Read full storyCarlos Tevez furious with Ferguson
Carlos Tevez, one of the best strikers in the EPL, is furious with Sir Alex Ferguson because he refused to buy Tevez chocolates at their stay in Switzerland for watching EURO 2008.
Read full storyHull City Psychos Pen-Bash Duncan Whitehead
Duncan Whitehead, the writer on the satirical news site TheSpoof.com, has come under fire from members of the Hull City Psychos Literary Wing, after comments he made about the Tigers on the site were deemed &...
Read full storyKate & Gin To Split
Kate and Gin, the Border Collie at the centre of the Britain's Got Talent vote-rigging allegations, are to split, say friends of the lesbian couple.
Read full storyBig Brother Back Amid New Controversy
Big Brother returns to the nation's TV screens this Thursday amid a new controversy over the lack of any new controversy over the show, which thrives on controversy and, of course, scandal.
Read full storyFlatlining Jihadist says martyrdom is actually hell
An emulation of the 1990 film "Flatliners", where a chap (a loud-mouthed American student-type played by Keifer Sutherland) experiences clinical death for a period of 1 minute before being brought back to life, has knocked martyrdom on the...
Read full storyUnder 5's call for the UK to adopt TellyTubby time
A group of very young children have called for the adoption of TellyTubby time to replace GMT arguing that "Noo-Noo" city is the true centre of the Earth.
Read full storyDemocratic Party Discounts the 3/5 ths Compromise!
In the early days of the Republic, brave and wise US political leaders debated how much a human being who was a slave should be counted. They needed a number in order to calculate the amount of representatives for each state. Slave holding states wan...
Read full storyInsurance Company Does Others In
Private health Insurance Company, Golden Showers, denied Patty Johnson a policy because she had to have a C-section to deliver her baby. It seems that Caesareans put the insuree at greater risk for the procedure in the future and Golden Showers does...
Read full storyGood News: Kennedy's Brain has some bits left
Senator Edward M. Kennedy successfully underwent exploratory brain surgery yesterday at the Mad Science Brain Center in the Magic Kingdom at Florida's Disney World.
Read full storyMonkey Taught to Manipulate Robotic Arm with Thoughts Only!
At a major American robotics research facility, an amazing breakthrough was announced. A monkey in their brain operated robotics department has learned to manipulate a robot arm just by thinking about the movement of the mechanical appendage.
Read full storyYou Might Not Be a Racist?
Last evening on the Fox News Channel program "The No Spin Zone," host Bill O'Reilly interviewed the Reverends Al Sharpton and Jessie Jackson. The topic for discussion was how do you tell if a person is not a racist?...
Read full storyDemocratic Party Bumper Stickers
Now that the Democratic Party Primary Election season is almost over, Howard Dean and the Democratic National Committee (DNC) has settled the disenfranchisement fiasco of voters in Florida and Michigan, an almost unified Democratic Party is moving forward to the August 2008 convention in Denver Colorado. New Democratic Party bumper stickers have been seen around Washington DC.
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