Having exhausted the supply of celebrities willing to stand up and sing or tell jokes in front of other celebrities, ITV has bowed to international pressure from the Zanu PF and will be broadcasting "An Audience with Mugabe".
Recorded by a TV crew under duress and in front of a hostage audience, Mr Mugabe spends the entire hour enchanting the audience with tales, narratives, yarns and and downright lies as to how he has destroyed Zimbabwe, murdered inhabitants and members of the opposition, put once thriving farms in the hands of his loyal IQ-less "Veteran" morons, and generally brought the country to the brink of total ruin while he and his cronies have enjoyed a lavish lifestyle.
After an exhilarating first quarter of an hour where he fields interesting questions from members of the celebrity audience - Pol Pot, Idi Amin, The Burmese Generals and Abu "Hook" Hanza to mention but a few - he breaks into the first of his musical numbers, his version of Queen's "Death on Two Legs", followed by Morrissey's "First of the Gang to Die".
Then, after a break to enable him to check how many members of the MDC opposition have been threatened, maimed or murdered, he will recount a lovely parable recounting the construction of his 25-bedroom mansion in contrast to destroying Harare shanty-suburbs and making thousands homeless.
The programme is sponsored by armaments firm Kalashnikov and retail store 'Beatings-R-Us'.