Woman Who Eats 'Only Lard' Reaches 100
A woman who, for the last 97 years, has existed solely on a strict diet of lard, is 100 today, and still going strong, according to the doctors who monitor her life support machine. Nelly Crackers, of Blackburn in Lancashire, has reached her ton d...
Read full storyKGB horseshit billionaire a chump for Trump's $100m Palm Beach condo
Yekaterinburg, Russia - (Ass Mess): Holy crap. Russia's first ever self-made horseshit billionaire has spent his latest ill-gotten gains acquiring Donald Trump's Palm Beach Maison d'Illusions de Grandeur condo for $100 million.
Read full storyDaily Sport discovered to be a spoof
After almost 23 years, having recently sold his interests, the editor-in-chief of the Daily Sport, David Greasy, confesses that his newspaper was a complete spoof.
Read full storyRules to Determine if Sex Counts
Here is a list of rules that may be very helpful to determine if you have cheated on your spouse or significant other:...
Read full storyGuys You've Met in the Men's Room
Excitable - Shorts half twisted around, can't find hole, rips shorts.
Read full storyNEO Takes Control Of Every Political Party
After the great success of the neo-cons (neo conservatives) within the Republican party in the US, and the neo-labs (neo Labour or 'new' Labour as some called them) in the UK, in getting us all to believe we are fighting a none existent enemy...
Read full storySultan Of Brunei 'Broke'
The Sultan of Brunei, for years the world's richest man, is no longer 'loaded', but has fallen on hard times, and now "hasn't got a penny to scratch his arse with", it has been claimed.
Read full storyZimbabwe's World Cup Team
Here is the Zimbabwe World Cup team for its qualifying matches:...
Read full storyWimbledon Tennis "Fix" Claim
The world of tennis was rocked today when it was claimed that Wimbledon was fixed.
Read full storyPlan to Solve Oil Crisis
Shropshire, England (Scientific Human) - Speaking at the Convention of Oil Consultants (COOC) Lord Graham Gilliam revealed his plan to solve the worlds Oil Crisis. He claims to have perfected the process of "Gravity Reduction Surgery".
Read full storyRaj Persaud says: "Read my lips. I write my own lines."
Disgraced celeb shrink Dr Raj Persaud has hit back at the GMC for suspending him for three months after it found he had plagiarised the work of other academics. Dr Persaud said: "I pity the fools! I don't steal my material from anyone. Sucka!"...
Read full storyToday's Police Federation Conference Agenda
Here is the agenda for today's annual Police Federation Conference lectures:...
Read full storyRussell Brand Steals Radder's Girl
Notorious womanizer and ex-heroin addict Russell Brand was spotted yesterday with a new woman on his arm. Obviously this is not real news as it is a regular occurrence, happening most days. However this was no ordinary woman, this was Australian beau...
Read full storyTen German Bombers Still Flying-Swiss Navy Disband
Reports from Switzerland indicate an ever increasing panic setting in amongst it citizens and guests, after repeated sightings of German Bombers in the air. It is believed there are ten of the said bombers patrolling the airspace of neutral Switzerla...
Read full storyMan U to be wound up
The Glazer brothers have announced that Manchester United, the former football team, is about to be wound up.
Read full storyStanding On One Leg For An Hour Is Art, Claims Gormless
Speaking from Trafalgar Square in London, Antony Gormless claimed that standing on one leg for an hour is art. 'Yes, it's a cultural expression of London's ethnic wealth, and not just a totally boring and pointless exercise to get people like me into...
Read full storyGreenest budget ever to be announced
In his never-ending hunt for stealth taxes to impose on a tax-weary public, the Chancellor has announced a series of bold new measures to cut CO2 emissions, reduce energy waste and generally increase the burden of tax on the public to pay for Crapita...
Read full storyPrime Minister presents first annual Spam Awards
In a glittering ceremony held at the Heathrow Ibis Hotel - bring your own wine - the Prime Minister presented the awards to the great, the bad and the downright disgusting at the first ever "Annual Spam Email Awards".
Read full storyNelson Mandela tribute artist feted in London Clinton schmoozefest
London - (Fetid Mess): The South African con artist and Nelson Mandela lookalike who won Bill Clinton's highest accolade for continuous mass deception of Global Piss Process luminaries has arrived in London for a fated hubris-driven ego bingeout...
Read full storyGeorge Carlin's Last Joke: I'm Dead!
(La La Land, CA) - In what he felt was his funniest anti-establishment joke of all time, George Carlin died yesterday.
Read full storyGeorge W Bush anointed King of Albania
Today George W Bush was anointed as the King of Albania, as that European country decided to restore its monarchy. Speaking from his new palace in Tirana, Mr Bush - now King George the First of Albania - said: 'My fellow Albinos, the good in men i...
Read full storyLeading drug dealer claims coke is not dangerous
On his fact-finding tour of the UK, Jay Zous Khrist, one of the USA's most dangerous drug barons and music rappers has openly declared that coke is not dangerous, and that governments throughout the world are "making a mountain out of a cruc...
Read full storyQueen told "become more personal, or else"
In a harshly worded statement issued to Buckingham Palace, George Gallywhey, leader of the British Numeric Party - the BNP - has told Her Majesty the Queen to "shape up or ship out" and to stop being discriminatory.
Read full storyPrezza To Run For French President
John Prescott, the former shadow boxing minister for Northern Affairs, has declared his intention to take up jogging in a bid to become this year's 2012 Olympic mascot, sponsored by cheese manufacturer, President. They confirm they have come unde...
Read full storySeveral countries decide to adopt Zimbabwean politics
Although derided by the world, Zimbabwe has been officially recognised as a "moral beacon" for world dictatorial politics, according to a United Nations report issued today.
Read full storyWimbledon 2008: Martina Navratilova and Billie Jean King Favourites To Win Lesbians Doubles
Martina Navratilova, the 9-time Wimbledon Women's Singles champion, and 7-time Ladies Doubles winner, and Billie Jean King are this year's runaway pre-tournament favourites to win the Lesbians Doubles...
Read full storyPGA Establishes Mandatory Workouts for Golfers
After a golfer keeled over from a heart attack caused by mega-clogged arteries, the PGA announced its intent to establish a mandatory exercise regimen for all golfers. This daily workout routine is hoped to get the golfers in better shape after a rep...
Read full storyChinese Rickshaw Driver Aims For Marathon Gold
A Beijing rickshaw driver has set his sights on Olympic gold in the unforgiving marathon event vowing not only to win the race but also to pick up fares as he conquers the gruelling 26 mile course.
Read full storyPregnancy Pact - We Did It For Britney Spears
The mystery of the Gloucester high pregnancy pact which has been puzzling the whole of United States, may now have become clearer after several of the young ladies involved sensationally claimed that they "Did it for Britney."...
Read full storyGay marriage in Calif. gets 'new' term
Sacramento, CA - The state of California has recently allowed gays the right to be bonded in matrimony. The problem up to now has been gays wanting to use the traditional term of 'marraige'. Many on the religious right oppose gay people gett...
Read full storyJuly 4th Joyously Celebrated in Great Britain
London England -- Most Americans are surprised to learn that there is a July 4th in Great Britain and it is celebrated with the greatest of joy and ecstasy. It is even more popular than Christmas. Britons celebrate the day thirteen retarded, disgusti...
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