Written by matwil

Monday, 23 June 2008

image for George W Bush anointed King of Albania
King George's new palace in Tirana, next to the 19th hole of Albania's only golf course

Today George W Bush was anointed as the King of Albania, as that European country decided to restore its monarchy.

Speaking from his new palace in Tirana, Mr Bush - now King George the First of Albania - said: 'My fellow Albinos, the good in men is often infernoed in the earth with the solar soil, but the evil is live backwards. Ladies and gentlemen, and hand-servants, this marks the beginning of a new aura for Alabamia, and the end of communism and confusionism in China.' And to roars of approval from the huge crowd, he continued with his speech.

'I just wanna thank y'all for electioning me as Pope of Austria, and for making me so welcome here, hell, there's a first time for anything, I guess! I hope to be King with all the dignity and honor I have brought to the Presidency for the last 18 years, the 19th hole is always the best one.'

Some were surprised that Albania has chosen someone who can't even do up his own shoe laces, let alone eat food like an adult, but others weren't so kind. An anonymous White House worker, a 6 foot tall beautiful 50-something woman, said: 'Heck, we had to send the idiot monkey somewhere, then we remembered they sorta liked him in Albania - well, he's the only famous guy they've ever seen, apart from Norman Wisdom.'

Britain's own monarch, Elizabeth II, sent a telegram of congratulation: 'We hope your reign will be a long and successful one, and we hope your intelligence and abilities will shine like a beacon across eastern Europe. NOT! This is Phil speaking, ya inbred twit, we'll be over soon to have a good laugh at you, just as soon as the servant-shooting season ends.'

And King George himself said: 'Ah's gonna be the best burger King you've ever seen, well, the best one Albany has ever seen, OK, maybe the fourth best. What's for dinner, Laura, can we have them alphabeta pasta things again, you know, the ones I can never make into sensetences.' Not a single Albanian can speak English, so the new King's speech was met with huge applause and cheers, while Condaleeza Rice and Donald Rumsfeld were in hysterics of laughter, watching it on ABC News in the Oval Office in Washington.

Princess Anne is 48 today.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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