Daily Sport discovered to be a spoof

Written by Steddyeddy

Monday, 23 June 2008


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Harvey Wallhanger checks to see if a TV camera could replace his Daily Sport down the back of his trousers

After almost 23 years, having recently sold his interests, the editor-in-chief of the Daily Sport, David Greasy, confesses that his newspaper was a complete spoof.

The newspaper that discovered Elvis working in Tesco and a World War 2 bomber on the moon has admitted that since its inception, there has never ever been a single item of factual news featured in the newspaper. Never ever.

"Even Linsey Dawn McKenzie's breasts were a figment of our imagination" explains Greasy. "In fact, most people who came to write for us had decided to give up journalism before they started with us. I even made them join the NUNJ - the National Union of Non-Journalists and had them accredited with a Non-NUJ card that was recognised nowhere by anyone."

The Daily Sport also featured cheap advertisements (cheap in everything except cost) for equally cheap services from ladies with whips and wearing strange rubber equipment; for men with surgical gloves and boxes of Kleenex; and lonely hearts clubs for people with BO and unsocial habits. There was even a section where people could phone premium rate telephone lines and have some stranger make funny animal breathing sounds.

Many builders and other tradesmen with tattoos and earrings will mourn the passing of this monument to non-journalism.

Harvey Wallhanger, a builder from Streatham said; "With the approach of Winter, I don't know what I will do when it comes to shoving my newspaper down my rear cheeks when I'm working. I certainly won't be using the Murdoch Sun or the leftie Mirror, and the Daily Mail has far to many serious words in it. And if I use the Daily Express with its free DVDs of old John Wayne or Carry On movies, heaven knows what that would do to my old Farmer Giles."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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