European NGO Mellow Response to GM Weed
Amsterdim - Pan-Universal News Syndicate - Repeated discoveries of a genetically modified (GM) weed newly found everywhere around the world has elicited cries of alarm. Previously, GM plants have been found growing in highway pavements, but this new...
Read full storyBarack Obama Sees 'Meet Dave', Calls it an Excellent Movie
Against the wishes of his campaign advisors and many critics, Barack Obama went and saw Eddie Murphy's newest movie, 'Meet Dave' on Monday night.
Read full storyFluffy Al-Qaeda Suicide Bunnies to Blame
It has been discovered that Al-Queda have released a new terror weapon in this country - suicide bunnies - yes, suicide bunnies!...
Read full storyHellfire Club's St Swithin's Day Dread
London - (Ass Mess): An ancient prophecy by 9th century Bishop of Winchester St Swithin is sending shockwaves among Hellfire Club grandees ahead of expected dire events on July 15th, St Swithin's Day.
Read full storySian Lloyd Admitted To Hospital With Laughing Fit
TV weather-girl Sian Lloyd was today rushed in to a London hospital after being taken ill at her North London home. Doctors described her condition as "serious but stable" after she was admitted in a state of disarray, reportedly shrieking...
Read full storyWorld's oldest child celebrates birthday
61-year-old Tucker Lopex is to celebrate his birthday in style; we caught up with him to toast another year as the world oldest child. From physical appearance it is hard to believe that Mr. Lopex is a child at all, but then it's also hard to bel...
Read full storyGordon Brown insists he's 'quite camp'
In what some people are saying was a desperate attempt to boost popularity- Gordon Brown told journalists at a conference that in private he is quite different to how he acts in public.
Read full storyA New Kinder Klan Emerges
The American Ku Klux Klan, assumed to be a shell of the formerly powerful and right wing racist army has recently re-emerged in a kinder gentler form. Most notably, the Klan recently endorsed Barack Obama for the U.S. presidency in 2008.
Read full storyMac and Fannie in Name Change Boost
Following the disastrous news from US mortgage lenders 'Freddie Mac' and 'Fannie Mae' last week, a PR guru has been hastily appointed to give both firms a rapid makeover to boost their flagging images.
Read full storyBrown is New Face of Potato Head
After a recent dip in sales of their flagship product, Mr Potato Head, Hasbro have announced a cunning new plan to get their spud-toy flying off the shelves in the run up to Christmas 2008.
Read full storyObama Captures Osama
Chicago IL (USA Today) - During Barack Obama's trip to Afghanistan prior to the Democratic Convention he decided to go on a routine patrol mission with U.S. Soldiers patrolling the mountainous region near Gerdi. Wearing his specially tailored Arm...
Read full storyThatcher grilled about spawning Warren Jeffs after drunken fling with Ratzinger
London - (Sordid Mess): Lady Thatcher has been probed by police from the Serious & Disorganised Crime Agency after DNA swabs indicated she and Pope Joe Ratzinger are the birth parents of fundamentalist US incest nutter Warren Jeffs.
Read full storyVietnamese hex blamed as Miss USA falls on her ass during Miss Universe pageant
Nha Trang, Vietnam - (Sore Ass Mess): The Curse of Agent Orange was blamed today as comely Texan Crystal Stewart tripped and fell flat on her ass during the Miss Universe pageant in Vietnam today.
Read full storyObama slams New Spoof Yorker
Washington AC/DC - (Ass Mess): Democratic presidential wannabe Barack Obama has slammed the satirical rag New Spoof Yorker after it published a cartoon on its cover this week of him and a former crack dealing pal "fisting" one anot...
Read full storyAngela Merkel To Visit Empire State Building To Boost Her Election Chances
German Chancellor, Angela Merkel, will visit the Empire State Building in New York this month, as part of her campaign to be re-elected. She plans to make a speech - in German, of course - from the tower block to thousands of New Yorkers, covering su...
Read full storyOn-the-hoof policies get knee-jerk reaction
Opposition politicians reacted instantly to newspaper reports of a slew of policy initiatives which were an instant reaction to newspaper reports.
Read full storyDwain Chambers Hires Famous TV Lawyer Horace Rumpole
Dwain Chambers, Britain's best chance of an athletics gold medal at the Beijing Olympic Games, has hired renowned defence lawyer Horace Rumpole for his High Court battle tomorrow.
Read full storyRush Limbaugh Fights Right-Handed Discrimination in Baseball
Rush Limbaugh, political bloviator and William F. Buckley "wanna-be," has decided to shift gears from "Operation Chaos" and aim his bombastic AK-47 at The National Pastime. Yesterday, at his 200-room mansion-cum-humidor in Palm B...
Read full storyCome to Britain to Die
The British Tourist Board,announced that it was launching an all inclusive holiday package designed for people who wanted to die.
Read full storyNew Olympic Sport: Face Sitting
This year's Chinese Olympics are to be graced with a new sport that not many people have heard about - the Face Sitting Marathon.
Read full storyJohn McCain Will Use Nukes
In a candid interview late last week U.S. Presidential candidate John McCain admitted that if he is elected in November he will attack the Socialist Republic of Vietnam with nuclear weapons.
Read full storyBrad Pitt Confused By African-American Newborn Twins
Padua Italy-- Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt welcomed the birth of healthy twins over the weekend. The babies are beautiful but don't look anything like Brad. Both twins are blessed with chocolate coloured skin, kinky black hair and almond shaped...
Read full storySecret Details Of Brinkley-Cook Divorce Negotiations -- Brinkley Wins By A Knockout!
Wow! It ended abruptly. What was to be a knock-down-drag- out battle to last an estimated 10 more days turned out to be an 8-day divorce case involving a few bits of scandalous sex. The whole thing abruptly ended with the still- tantalizing piece of...
Read full storyChristians launch new wiki-Bible
Christians all over the world are rejoicing in the launch of a new online Bible that can be edited to suit whatever they choose to believe in, at that point.
Read full storyOsmonds To Become Pope
The Osmonds are to become the next pope according to Vatican sources. When the present incumbent Pope Benedict the Sixteenth finally hangs up his mitre, it is understood that a radical development in introducing mass popery will be introduced.
Read full storySpoof Writer Lands Exclusive Interview With Dick Cheney
By posing as an unscrupulous armaments dealer, celebrated Spoof writer, Evan Essence, found his way into the inner sanctum of US Vice President Dick Cheney's bullet proof and bomb proof bunker...generally considered to be the safest and most secure place on the planet.
Read full storySirius Satellite Radio Catholic Channel Reaches Out to Alienated RC's
The Roman Catholic Church in the US has begun to realize that the sea of blue haired Sunday communicants are not punk rockers or Goths and these easily duped old ladies will not be filling the collection basket much longer. Thus the move by the NY Ar...
Read full storyTajMa Replaces Tammany in NYC Politics
NYC politics was dominated for decades by the political clubhouses of the Irish, the Jews and the Italians. All this is changing as new immigrant Asians begin to outnumber the old immigrant party bosses. The old slogan of a chicken in every pot has b...
Read full storyAncient Comet Wipes Out Earliest American Settlers
In their latest findings, researchers Richard Bridgestone and Allen East say that they have found compelling evidence of a Native American culture predating the Clovis people, who were long thought to be North America's first colonists. The evid...
Read full storyMcCain Favors Denying Thousands of Orphans Adoption!
Adoptive parent and Republican presidential hopeful John McCain advocated this week for the denial of adopting families for thousands of parentless children.
Read full storyDocs Announce Cheney in as Good a Shape as Iraq
After four heart attacks, quadruple by pass surgery and two angioplasties, 67 year old Dick Cheney has been declared in relatively good health.
Read full storyAngelina Jolie and Brad Pitt announce new twins! Then announce she's pregnant!
France - The couple known to the world as 'Brangelina' announced their new twins today. Mom and the babies were resting comfortably in the hospital.
Read full storyObama Promises: This is the Last Reversal - My real name is Lawton Latimer
After the promises of the unpolitics of Barack Obama and his recent reversals on everything from campaign finance, wiretapping without warants, gun control and the death penalty, many Obama supporters have become naturally wary of the chameleon like...
Read full storyMcCain Travels to Bloody F*cking Hell-Hole Africa
Washington D.C.-John McCain, in efforts only described as pointless, recently made headlines in his proposal to visit "Black Country" Africa. His campaign manager described the reasoning as a "cultural exploration of the natural habit...
Read full storyPolice suspect Brunei's Prince Jefri Archer masterminded £72 million bank frraud
London - (Extortion Mess): Fraud squad detectives believe fugitive from justice Prince Jefri Archer may have been the mastermind behind an audacious £72 million bank fraud that saw a 25 year old stooge from Essex jailed last week.
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