German Chancellor, Angela Merkel, will visit the Empire State Building in New York this month, as part of her campaign to be re-elected. She plans to make a speech - in German, of course - from the tower block to thousands of New Yorkers, covering such issues as realpolitik, the Bundesbank's deflationary policies, and the European Union.
Passers-by in the American city were asked for their opinion on the Chancellor's plans. 'Angela who?', one said, and another added 'She ain't running for American President, is she?'
Sources have revealed that Mrs Merkel will open her speech with a brief and meaningful phrase in English, which will be 'I am a Hamburger!' She will then list her priorites in the now-reunited German state, all of which will be printed in American newspapers, though no-one will understand a word of them, and her speech will be shown on American news stations, without subtitles.
New York mayor Michael Bloomberg said: 'The Chancellor is most welcome to New York City, as long as she doesn't bring any Heinkel bombers with her! Only kidding, Angie, it's just what the American election needs, another person waving and smiling at crowds, and never saying anything political. And even when she speaks in German, she'll be easier to understand than George W Bush!'
But one Senator in Illinois disagreed with the Chancellor's visit. 'Shouldn't she be staying in her own country?', he said. 'What the heck has New York got to do with German elections? In fact it's kinda insulting, using a totally foreign city for some cheap publicity stunt, no way would I do such a thing.'
American radio stations were playing Bach's Brandenburg Concerto in anticipation of Mrs Merkel's arrival.
