Miley Elopes
Miley Cyrus and her rumoured boyfriend Nick Jonas were caught Sunday night at a Vegas Wedding Chapel, preparing to wed. The young couple had apparently been planning this for months, but never had a chance to get away from the parents long enough to...
Read full storyRSPB express concern at North East Black Cat revival
RSPB spokesman Peter Hummingbird has expressed great concern at the threat to the continued wellbeing of the Magpie following a Black Cat population explosion in the North East of England.
Read full storyOprah Winfrey enters race for the White House as Barack Obamas running mate.
Oprah Winfrey has thrown her extremely popular and even more jaw droppingly wealthy hat into the Presidential ring during an afternoon interview with former President Bill Clinton on her world wide syndicated talk show 'Oprah'.
Read full storyNaked Sharapova signs up for Valentine's Day Hustler centerfold
Florida - (Cheeky Ass Mess): Russian-born blonde tennis ace Maria Sharapova has signed a $5 million contract to appear naked in a ten-page centerfold spread for Hustler magazine according to reports. The Mario Testino-shot sequence shows the lusc...
Read full storyBeadle's NOT about
Britain's best-loved TV Prankster has passed away. Mr Jeremy Beadle sadly died from pneumonia today, so Britain can breathe a huge sigh of relief knowing that only Noel Edmonds is the only one to avoid.
Read full storyScarborough to Lose Beach
After months of speculation, Scarborough Borough Council confirmed this morning that Scarborough is to lose its beach.
Read full storyCelebrity Chefs Jamie Oliver, Gordon Ramsay Seek New Cause
Celebrity chefs all over the world are seeking the next "big cause" following the "success" of Jamie's school dinners and Hugh Firmly-Twitingly's "Chicken Out" campaign.
Read full storyRed Phone Boxes to Be Turned into Smoking Shelters
What's old, doesn't work and smells of wee? Not pensioners, but BT red telephone boxes. These scarlet iconic beauties were set to disappear from remote villages all over Britain, but have received a last minute reprieve from the Government.
Read full storyWWF Slams Stupid Baby Bears Names as "Irresponsible"
The World Wildlife Fund has slammed "irresponsible" zoos for naming their cutest additions with distasteful and degrading names. "This has got to stop." said WWF Spokesperson Lucy Lastic," These bears are becoming a laughing...
Read full storyAirline Pilot Loses Plot Midair After Learning of Beadle's Death
A Canadian airline pilot had to be dragged screaming from his cockpit earlier today after hearing the news of Jeremy Beadle's death mid air. The co-pilot was wrestled to the ground by six men, tied up and carried to the rear of the plane screamin...
Read full storyRyanair to charge passengers to wear clothes during flights
It has a been a long time coming, but the way we fly is being given a major shake up. For once this is not about the cost of tickets or even about the environment. The new revolution is the way we are dress once in the cabin.
Read full storyWinehouse Set to Star on TV Show "Intervention"
Though Amy Winehouse suggests to reporters that she looks "More normal" now than she did a few years ago, many were not surprised at the revelation that she will appear on "Intervention." Amy's only two remaining friends may...
Read full storyBranson Showcases Virgin 'Eco Milk' at State-of-the-art Breast Milk Farm
Publicity stunts and Richard Branson go hand in hand and so todays tacky unveiling of a 25 foot tall breast milk fountain came as little surprise to any of the assembled stunt weary hacks assembled in the 'Womb Room' at the new 'Breast Mi...
Read full storyNew medical marijuana vending machines in California inadvertently contribute to the death of a man from Copenhagen
San Francisco, California - As an added convenience to the patients of medical marijuana, the California legislature has allowed for the introduction and distribution of cannabis vending machines throughout the Golden State as a part of a new experim...
Read full storyBritney Spears "can be seen from space"
Dramatic new images taken from the International Space Station seem to show that the troubled singer and some-time actress is clearly visible from space. Just like the Great Wall of China and Windows Vista, other man-made objects large enough to be...
Read full storyGiuliani Campaign May Have Been Illusion
Despite widespread rumors to the contrary, informants close to the former mayor report that his supposed bid for the GOP presidential nomination never happened.
Read full storyLeona Helmsley's Dog "Trouble" Barks Gift to Dog Museum in Alabama
Largely Johnson Jr., curator, caretaker, and founder of the World Dog Museum in Muscle Shoals, Alabama, announced that Trouble, who is a frequent visitor to the museum since becoming the world's wealthiest dog, was gifting the museum $250,000 to...
Read full storyBeatles guru, Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, set to retire
After 50 years of leading the international transendental meditation movement, 91 year-old Beatles guru, Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, is set to retire. Growing weary of his busy schedule of meditating, though, he has yet to produce a successor. Succession...
Read full storyStuart Pearce named as head ball boy at Wembley
After an unsuccessful start to his management career with Manchester City and England Under 21's, Fabio Cappello has made Stuart Pearce Head ball boy at all England internationals. The move comes after fierce demands by Stuart Pearce, wrote to S...
Read full storyMcCain Picks Guliani for Running Mate, Vows to Make Youngsters Pay for More Debt
Vowing to put even more debt on the backs of the country's future generations, McCain and Guliani held hands clasps together as Guliani held McCain up to keep him from falling down.
Read full storyBrown: Prime Minister Takes McFlurry Mandate
Gordon Brown is to become the first leader of the 'McPolitics' party after he was expelled from Labour for being Britain's 'worst ever' premier.
Read full storyOsama Bin Laden to endorse Clinton
Osama Bin Laden is expected to endorse Hillary Rodham Clinton as the Democratic presidential candidate today. The world's chief terrorist is rumored to favor Clinton because "she'll terrorize America in ways I never thought of."
Read full storyApple Denies iPhone Virus
An Apple spokesman denied today that there were any problems with an iPhone virus. Reports of such a virus have been circulating among blogs and in technology magazines, but so far there has been no definitive evidence.
Read full storyWilliams sisters: Federer always welcome to therapeutic shag
Florida - (Cute & Shiny Black Ass Mess): Venus and Serena Williams have told reporters they are more than happy to give world number one tennis ace Roger Federer a thorough seeing-to after sports injury coaches recommended muscle relaxant therapy aft...
Read full storyRudy Giuliani Endorses Ron Paul
Rudy Giuliani withdrew from the presidential race today. After his poor performance in Florida this was no surprise. But Giuliani then stunned the world by endorsing Ron Paul as Super Tuesday approaches.
Read full storyMike Read to write a song for Rafa Benitez
British Broadcaster, television presenter and song writer Mike Read is to write and produce a specially written song. The song in itself is for the ongoing battle at Liverpool F.C and Rafa Benitez.
Read full storyAdding Value to Your Tax Refund
In an attempt to bolster the economy even further, ZipsterTax has now added access to future year's returns. This novel product will allow their customers to get huge returns long before anyone who is not their customer, yet.
Read full storyFirst sign of trouble and it's the old folks home for Nigella vow kids
London - (Fat Arse Mess): Simpering corpulent TV cook Nigella Lawson's children have hit back at their Scrooge mother's vow to disinherit them from her tight-fisted estate by promising "to throw her in a seedy local authority old folks h...
Read full storyAir Canada pilot claimed Mile High Club God-romp over the Atlantic
Heathrow Airport - (Mile High Mess): An Air Canada pilot screamed at passengers through the plane's PA system that he "had just fellated God in the cockpit" and had received divine revelations during orgasm, according to psychiatric re...
Read full storyJK Rowling behind militant Al Qaeda debt-collecting racket
Dutch Antilles - (Usury Mess): Notorious children's fiction plagiarist and fraudulent Harry Potter author JK Rowling is a principal shareholder behind a rogue offshore-registered holding company creaming off profits from an Al Qaeda-affiliated UK...
Read full storyDavid Cameron to Play Lead Role in the New Bond Film, "The Shadow Whisper"
Pesky cyclist and pompus MP David Cameron is to play the lead role in the new Bond film "The Shadow Whisper". He is set to star with Daniel Craig, as the right honourable gentleman. Early filming has been made of a gay kiss which includes t...
Read full storyTony Blair announces return to politics
Today Tony Blair announced a return to the political fold, surprisingly against labour foe Gordon Brown. In a bizarre twist and life changing experience, the former PM is to stand for the old Bexley and Sidcup left in Derek Conway's departure. To...
Read full storyShuttle Blasts Off As Onlookers Gasp In Amazement
CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. (AP) - The Discovery shuttle blasted off today in the latest in a series of one (or maybe two, there was another, right?) successful lift-offs by the white shirted guys at NASA. Onlookers gasped in amazement as the shuttle burned through enough fuel to power all SUVs in the Los Angeles basin for the next 50 years.
Read full storyParticle Physics: Is It Fun?
We report on a recent seminar given at FermiLab by the acclaimed particle physicist, Prof. H. Wonky Legg, the content of which will allow you, the reader, to judge whether particle physics is fun, or just downright daft.
Read full storyGM to Produce One Horsepower Carriage; Power Not Included
LANCASTER, Mich. - In an effort to support manufacturing jobs and help the environment, GM announced it will produce horse driven carriages. The motorized carriage will be phased out by the year 2018 to meet the standards of the Energy and Fair Labor...
Read full storyCBS to buy content from Canada
CBS corporation, under the hand of media mogul Sumner Redstone, has announced it's intention to purchase content from Canada.
Read full storyVermont to Arrest George Bush and Dick Cheney
Brattleboro, Vermont, is set to vote in deciding whether or not to indict and issue arrest warrants for George Bush and Dick Cheney. Their crimes: Perjury, war crimes, espionage for spying on U.S. citizens and obstruction of justice for the firing of...
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