A Canadian airline pilot had to be dragged screaming from his cockpit earlier today after hearing the news of Jeremy Beadle's death mid air. The co-pilot was wrestled to the ground by six men, tied up and carried to the rear of the plane screaming, "God, no, no. God, not Beadle!"
Shocked passengers assumed crash position as the plane made an unscheduled stop at Heathrow to offload the slobbering lunatic into a waiting van.
A passenger, who didn't want to be named, said today, "It was the worst way possible to find out that Beadle was dead, we were all just stunned and grateful that the pilot managed to hold it together after his co-pilot collapsed with grief. Old ladies were sobbing in the aisle after we learned the news."
A spokesman for Canadian airways confirmed that a co-pilot was receiving grief counselling, but denied that the passengers had been affected in any way. "It's standard practice to ask passengers to assume crash position when landing at Heathrow these days," he stated.
