What's old, doesn't work and smells of wee? Not pensioners, but BT red telephone boxes. These scarlet iconic beauties were set to disappear from remote villages all over Britain, but have received a last minute reprieve from the Government.
Following latest Government reports suggesting that smoking should be banned from the home, Gordon Brown is set to raise the classification of tobacco to a Class C drug. Over the next 5 years smoking in the home will be phased out completely and red boxes will be the only place diehard smokers can practise their vile drug habit.
Smokers will have a pass, identifiable by a yellow star, which they will be required to slot into the box to gain entry. Once inside they will be free to light up, exposed to the whole village as a perverted "smoker." If other smokers are lurking by the box, it's expected this will act as deterrent for the smoker inside the box who will finish up rather quickly to avoid a fist-fight with a premenstrual, post-dinner mother of five.
Mother of five, Menstrua Spudhard, commented today, "Due to the national obesity problem and my pregnancy, I can't fit into one of those boxes to smoke, so I think this will drive people like me to crack cocaine which I can safely inject."
